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Spring swirls with some spirited artists this week. On Friday, indie electronic outfit Neon Indian, fronted by charismatic singer Alan Palomo, brings its rockin’ live act to the Paradise Rock Club while Worcester’s gloriously sloppy, sunny pop-rockers Dom keep the faith at the Brighton Music Hall. You can check out Neon Indian at the 2012 Ultra Music Festival here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr2lrj3tYBw&feature=related Or tune into Dom playing “Damn” at Bumbershoot last fall: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf205q5QU1c&feature=related

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros get communal at the Orpheum Theatre on Saturday as knotty-haired singer Alex Ebert rarely meets an audience he doesn’t want to jump into –- or invite onstage. You can skip to my recent interview (http://www.improper.com/going-out/salvation-army/ ) or check out this intriguing clip of the folky California indie-rockers performing acoustic in Mexico last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNp4p3DZ2Nk&feature=relmfu

Saturday also finds the Feelies shifting to the Paradise after a couple previous stops at the Middle East. The quintet broke out of Hoboken, N.J., in the early ‘80s with a layered jangle of guitars over taut, propulsive rhythms, inspiring R.E.M. among others. After disappearing for nearly 20 years, the Feelies returned just a few years ago and have luckily stuck around. They still mesmerize. Here’s a link to my chat with Feelies singer/guitarist Glenn Mercer before a Middle East show last year (http://www.improper.com/going-out/back-in-the-habit/ ) and a live clip of the band playing in Brooklyn last month: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KweGdrNQNU

How do you balance humor with such a serious subject matter?

I completely dismissed the idea of having to make something funny. There was an urgency for me to write this. I went through a growth process where writing memoirs didn’t matter anymore. I wanted to be more useful. I’m in a good place, and that’s surprising because I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life. And no one was guiding me, or telling me what to do. Every time something happened in my life, I had to reinvent the wheel. And you know what? Sometimes the wheel I invented was better. So humor didn’t matter. I had to be perfectly clear.

Is it possible for this book the only tool someone would need to overcome a traumatic situation?

In some cases, maybe it will be. Maybe someone will have a moment of incredible clarity and make the right choice and take the right action. More likely, the book is going to open a door that they didn’t even know was there. In a perfect world, people won’t do anything alone. In a perfect world, if one book changes someone’s life, it’s because they involved someone else in the process and said, “Did you read this? Should I be doing this?” That’s perfect. That’s ideal. But some people won’t have other people in their lives. So I had to be damn f***ing sure about what I was writing, and I am damn sure about it because I lived it.

Does the book have  an overarching theme?

The past does not haunt us, we haunt the past. Being really honest with yourself is how you get through stuff. I can’t tell you how many times in my own life that I’ve bulls***ted myself, thinking, I’m going to be happy now. It’s like every single time I have a challenge or a crisis or something’s f***ed up in my life, it’s because there’s an inaccuracy somewhere in my thinking. A lot of people don’t really grasp that trauma or great loss doesn’t have to make you a darker person; it can make a deeper person. There’s freedom in that knowledge.

How do you balance humor with such serious subject matter?

I completely dismissed the idea of having to make something funny. There was an urgency for me to write this. I went through a growth process where writing memoirs didn’t matter anymore. I wanted to be more useful. Every
time something happened in my life, I had to reinvent the wheel. And you know what?
Sometimes the wheel I invented was better.

How did writing this differ from writing a memoir or novel?

It was a process of subconscious and emotional triage. This isn’t a book that deals with specific issues. There’s no table of contents so you can look up your particular challenge. That’s not the point of it. The point is, you read even the things that you think don’t apply to you. Even if you’re a rugged construction worker, you should read the section about being an anorexic teenage girl, because it actually does apply to you.

You’d never do another memoir?

I’d never say never, but this is the direction my career is sticking to. Right now, I don’t see myself writing more memoirs. I’ve talked enough about everything I’ve survived, and now I think it’s time for me to explain how.

It’s a big Friday this week, for both pop and jazz. The Shins are the latest indie-rockers to go uptown and sell out the Citi Wang Theatre. Singer-guitarist James Mercer has reshuffled the ranks of his Portland, Ore., band yet delivers another winning mix of tuneful songs with jagged edges. Here’s a taste from a recent London show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vccvvcQeT2g

Rock fans who can’t get into the Shins might go for danceable psychedelia courtesy of Vermont’s horn-laced outfit Rubblebucket at the Paradise or Britain’s trance-happy Shpongle at House of Blues. But another option is School of Seven Bells, bringing its noisy but melodic waves of post-shoegaze rock to the Brighton Music Hall. Here’s a recent clip of the group fronted by singer Alejandra Deheza and ex-Secrets Machine guitarist Ben Curtis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUvrrSiOkKc&feature=related

On the jazz front, local pianist Donal Fox has long blessed us with his precision and finesse in weaving classical music into his work. But Fox’s Inventions Quartet will hit Scullers Friday with sparkplug drummer Kim Thompson, who’s been tearing up the arena circuit with Beyonce. Here she displays her jazz chops: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah4qV5IX-yI&feature=related And the same night, the Regattabar is presenting hot new trumpeter Ambrose Akinmusire, a player of impeccable taste and tone whose debut album came in No. 1 on New York Times jazz critic Nate Chinen’s year’s best list. Here are Akinmusire and his quintet a couple years back: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNzE2nTCtxE

Finally, back on the pop front, violinist/guitarist/whistler and cross-genre visionary Andrew Bird will bring his latest band to House of Blues Sunday. In this recent NPR show from SXSW, Bird sounds more conventional than in the past, if still flashing his endearing quirks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX1pS1T-f54

Extremes galore this week, capped by Sunday’s range from playful a cappella pop to German industrial metal. You might start with the reunited ‘90s indie-rockers Archers of Loaf, bringing their skewed, noisy tunes to the Middle East both Friday and Saturday Here’s a clip of the band resurrecting its first single “Wrong” live: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pu5R_4Knu0&feature=relmfu

Saxophonist Joshua Redman and pianist Brad Mehldau share history around here, starting with their respective schooling at Harvard and Berklee. Mehldau also served in Redman’s ‘90s jazz quartet. Now equally well-established as solo artists, the two musicians face off in duo format at the Berklee Performance Center Sunday. To get a taste of their talents in tandem, watch their live cover of Nirvana’s “Lithium”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGRoRzXrikI

Anyone who enjoyed watching vocal groups square off in the NBC show “The Sing-Off” may want to hit BU’s Agganis Arena Sunday for A Cappella Palooza. “Sing-Off” judge Ben Folds will host and perform along with 2011 contest winner Pentatonix, the Dartmouth Aires, Delilah and Massachusett’s own The North Shore. BU group the Dear Abbeys will also appear. And all proceeds from the concert benefit the Mass. General Cancer Center. Now that’s something to sing about. Here’s a video of Pentatonix’s unique take on the Gotye/Kimbra smash “Somebody That I Used to Know”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOKuAigsrec

Sunday also brings the intriguing electro-pop group Miike Snow to House of Blues. If you haven't seen my feature from the current issue, you can hop to it here: http://www.improper.com/going-out/blob-mentality/ Or you can watch Miike Snow perform its hit “Paddling Out” at Coachella (the band will also be playing it on Letterman late Friday): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caLVlyKOaYw

Finally, if you dig large-scale theatrics and loud music, you might head to Worcester’s DCU Center Sunday for Rammstein, the industrial-metal band known for heavy pyrotechnics, bringing its “Made in Germany” tour to the U.S. for a rare appearance. Watch Rammstein display the artful use of wings and pyro in Florida last week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syvtONLyupc&feature=related

When jazz bassist/singer Esperanza Spalding accepted the Grammy Award for Best New Artist over Drake, Justin Bieber, Florence + the Machine and Mumford & Sons last year, she vowed, “I’ll do my damndest to make a whole lot of great music for all of you.” Her inclusive promise makes sense in light of Spalding’s great new album Radio Music Society, which seems the closest thing to pop.

That’s not pop in the quick-hit disposable vein but in a smart blend of accessible melody, lavish harmony, savvy arrangement and rich production. The album also offers the Berklee-bred star the chance to focus on electric bass, which she also showcased locally for a change before an Orpheum crowd of about 2,400 Sunday.

If she’s into fusion, Spalding’s pretty old-school in her tastes as well. Before she took the stage for her 100-minute set, a huge boombox prop scanned the dial, settling on the voice on local jazz DJ Eric Jackson.

Despite the glow of celebrity, rocking acoustic and electric basses in a fashionably clingy mini-dress, Spalding remains a jazz artist at heart, stressing music over image. Inclusive and diffusive nearly to a fault, the 27-year-old musician spread the wealth across her Berklee-centric 12-piece band (which included horn players and backup singers), weaving a tapestry of sound that favored song-based composition over improvisation.

Spalding even turned the spotlight to her bandmates for the few extended solos, notably her onetime teacher Jeff Galindo for his brawny trombone in “Crowned & Kissed” and Tia Fuller for her chattering alto-sax surge in Stevie Wonder’s “I Can’t Help It.”

Composition may be Spalding’s weakest point (if she even shows weakness) as her originals prove consistently sweet, sensual and sophisticated, if not always memorable. She still has the keen ears and knack for tasteful structural details that pull it all together, and she’s growing by leaps and bounds with each album.

Today, much of Spalding’s appeal comes through her vocals, even if that was her secondary pursuit. Coming off her captivating “What a Wonderful World” cameo at the Oscars, she charmed the Orpheum audience with her high-floating notes in “Vague Suspicions” as well as a solo a cappella ode to New England that was oddly the only encore.

“At the end of the day, there’s joy,” Spalding told the crowd at one point. But she’s far from naïve and brought her socially and environmentally conscious views to the forefront Sunday. Back to back, she sang the inspirational, soulful “Black Gold” and “Land of the Free,” a solemn rumination on a wrongly imprisoned man. And the peak came in Wayne Shorter’s “Endangered Species,” recast as an Earth Day anthem with Steely Dan-ish accents undercut by a funky, furious groove. The floppy-haired singer slapped her fretless Fender Jazz Bass with head-bopping abandon that reminded of bass idol Jaco Pastorius, who once played that same stage with Shorter.

Unlike the late Pastorius and many other jazz and pop musicians who have fallen prey to fame or substance abuse, Spalding appears cleanly on target as a role model, quietly breaking boundaries her own way, exploring her broad potential without distraction.     

What’s your favorite wardrobe item?

It’s hard to say, but probably my mom’s vintage Alaïa gown from the early ’80s. It’s a simple black, floor-length gown with a low-cut back.

What have you learned from being on Fashion Star?

That a little goes a long way. There are so many talented designers out there, and they just need a little guidance to bring their talent to life.

How has your personal style evolved?

It’s constantly changing, that’s the best part of fashion! Everyone goes through phases, and the way I dressed when I was in my early-20s is very different than how I’d dress now, but that’s the beauty of it.

As a designer, what inspires you most?

I get inspired by the everyday items, but more specifically, music, people and places. Music from every genre, the people around me and, of course, all of my travels.

What’s the most exciting spring trend?

I tend to not follow trends. I just dress for myself and what I feel the best in. There are a few staples that I feel are a must, like a good leather jacket, a pair of closed-toe pumps and, of course, sunglasses.

How do you balance vintage clothing with new pieces?

Personally, if I’m mixing vintage, I always try to be understated with everything else so that the vintage piece becomes the focus.

How does your creative process differ for each of your lines?

It doesn’t really. Even though they’re under different names, the overarching theme and aesthetic of modern bohemian is reflected in each collection.

It’s down to the final round; get ready to (Rock ‘n’ Roll) Rumble at T.T the Bear’s Place Friday. As usual, it’ll be a mixed bag of styles. Roots-rockers Bow Thayer and Perfect Trainwreck mix twang and power (beyond the electric banjo, love that pedal steel). Glammy alt-ambient rocker Garvy J. plays it smoother, with the singer’s acoustic 12-string cushioned with the E-bow hum of electric guitars. And hard-rocking wild card Motherboar simply avoids subtlety all together with its raw, pummeling roar. While the judges’ votes are tallied, the Grownup Noise performs a non-competitive guest set after not being able to play their preliminary night. (Postscript: the winner of the 2012 Rumble: Bow Thayer and Perfect Trainwreck.)  http://wzlx.radio.com/rockandrollrumble/

Far from the roar of Motherboar, college-rock favorites Guster deliver a change of pace with three acoustic shows Friday and Saturday at the Paramount Theatre, featuring Jeff Garlin from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” as a guest. Guster embraces surprise with a knack for seeming charming and clever. Consider this recent audience foray in concert: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HC483OsZi3M&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PLF8FD3F2438EA4B6A

Just down the street, Death Cab for Cutie steps up to the Citi Wang Theater stage Saturday with its melancholic rock. And speaking of cute in a nerdy kind of way (while keeping it heartfelt and authentic), Mayer Hawthorne returns to the Paradise Saturday to fire up his playful brand of soul, and fun. brings its own charming breakout pop to House of Blues.

Sunday belongs to Esperanza Spalding, who also showcases downtown at the Orpheum Theatre in the wake of her stunning vocal turn at the Oscars on top of her 2011 Grammy for Best New Artist. Touring behind her slickly arranged new album Radio Music Society, the Berklee-bred jazz star will be fronting a 12-piece band and breaking out on electric as well as acoustic bass.

By Virginia Billy Barry

Euphoric and dreamlike as they are, one wonders whether Ernest Greene’s, 29, tracks with Washed Out owe anything to his literary background. In college, the young songwriter studied philosophy and literature, and while he claims that he doesn’t “think too much about it” and that his work is simply about “mood,” his big hit “Eyes Be Closed” takes its title from Herman Melville’s Moby Dick.

“To be driven, to be good, it takes an obsessive personality,” says Greene. “It’s been years and years of obsessive work. I feel strange if I can’t spend at least a couple of hours a day working.”

Greene aptly articulates his interest as “avant-garde ambient music.”  Before his big break, armed with a laptop, Greene recorded songs at his parent’s house in hometown Perry, Georgia. Asked what he would do without a computer, “[laughs] It would be a much different approach,” he admits. “There’s something about the sound of old machines [like] older analogue technologies, that really interests me.” However, with live show experience in mind, Greene has collected four other musicians to tour with him this season.

Much of Washed Out’s sounds carry a significant measure of angst, but never without an overwhelming charge that energizes and uplifts. “The two feelings [energy, melancholy] are closely connected,” says Greene. “There’s a bit of beauty in sadness that I have a natural tendency towards.”

Washed Out plays Paradise Rock Club on April 20.

There’s potent soul and spirit coursing through Boston’s concert spaces this weekend. Start with Lost in the Trees, whose new record A Church That Fits Our Needs offers emotional reflection on the suicide of classically trained songwriter Ari Picker’s mother. The haunting folk-pop group has sold out its Friday show at MFA’s Remis Auditorium with Poor Moon, which features Christian Wargo and Casey Wescott from Fleet Foxes.  See Lost in the Trees perform “Red” live in the WFUV studios: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_avFrymbP4

Sax virtuoso James Carter burst on the jazz scene in the mid-90s with the explosive chops and charisma to become a star, the reed in the mouthpiece of his horns literally popping with exuberance and sound. Perhaps he was too musically mercurial to become a household name, but it’s nice to see him in an intimate room like Scullers Jazz Club, where he’ll lead his organ trio Friday and Saturday. Here’s Carter and his organ trio live outside in NYC in 2010:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R1sPKxckkE

Friday also marks the second night of the WZLX Rock ‘n’ Roll Rumble semi-finals with Sherman Burns, Ghosts of Jupiter, the Rationales and Garvy J (following tonight’s semi-final round with Thick Shakes, Bow Thayer and Perfect Trainwreck, Cask Mouse and Motherboar). It all goes down at T.T. the Bear’s Place. http://wzlx.radio.com/rockandrollrumble/

Even with the end to guitar hero Johnny Marr’s three-year turn in the Cribs, the band of Jarman brothers can be counted on for bashing out passionate, poppy rock tunes at the Brighton Music Hall Saturday. Here’s the band’s latest video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AQWbehxBfI&feature=youtu.be

But the biggest show of the weekend is Sunday’s long-soldout Alabama Shakes show at the Paradise. The Alabama soul-rockers have suddenly blown up as one of the year’s hottest new acts. Singer-guitarist Brittany Howard storms the stage like a force of nature, lifting Alabama Shakes from soul-blues groove to punk-rock fervor as the group echoes everything from Otis Redding and Janis Joplin to early Kings of Leon. If you can’t snag a ticket Sunday, they’ll be back for the first day of the Newport Folk Festival July 29. Damn, today that just sold out too! Here are Alabama Shakes in a live NPR clip from SXSW: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNa5wYXonbQ

This summer’s Newport festival offerings grow more astounding by the day, particularly with today’s news that Wilco will headline a July 27 Friday night bill at Fort Adams State Park (the band’s also playing an intimate 1,000-person benefit at MASS MoCA in North Adams July 31, with tickets via an auction/lottery combo).

Rhode Island should really be rocking. Wilco plays Fort Adams on the eve of the Newport Folk Festival, which includes My Morning Jacket, Patty Griffin, Deer Tick and the hot new Alabama Shakes on Saturday, and Jackson Browne, the Punch Brothers, Gary Clark, Jr. and the also-exploding Of Monsters and Men that Sunday. Talk about booking breakout talent -- and that’s just the folk fest.

The Newport Jazz Festival will take over Fort Adams State Park the next weekend. Check out the Aug. 4 bill alone: Pat Metheny’s Unity Band with Chris Potter, master drummer Jack DeJohnette with two groups (one an all-star crew with Christian McBride, Jason Moran and Lionel Loueke), Sound Prints with Joe Lovano and Dave Douglas, the James Carter Organ Trio (in town this weekend at Scullers), Dianne Reeves, Darcy James Argue’s Secret Society, and Bill Frisell, performing both the John Lennon songbook and sitting in with the Bad Plus. And yes, that’s just Saturday.

Newport Jazz also just announced that Dr. John and his Lower 911 group and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band will bring New Orleans to the International Hall of Fame at Newport Casino that Friday, Aug. 3. And Sunday will round out the Fort Adams action with the likes of the Tedeschi/Trucks Band, Jason Moran & the Bandwagon, Maria Schneider Orchestra, Miguel Zenon and Kurt Elling (who’ll also join John Hollenbeck’s Claudia Quartet) to name just a few.

See you seaside –- and expect at least the Newport Folk Festival to sell out way in advance.

www.newportfolkfest.net

www.newportjazzfest.net

By Tamara Omazic

Electric cellos, african drums and toy pianos aren't the instruments you'd typically associate with chamber music—but that's exactly what local contemporary chamber music collective Cordis brought to the stage for the second installation of the Museum of Fine Art's Spring Concert Series on April 6. Performing for the first time in their hometown, cimbalomist Richard Grimes, pianist Brian O'Neill, percussionist Andrew Beall and guest cellist Rubin Kodheli treated guests to a night of experimental symphony that blurred the lines between classical and rock. The quartet of middle-aged musicians played a selection of original compositions and classical renditions of works by the likes of Stravinsky.

 The night started off with softer pieces that highlighted the piano and cello. Percussionist Beall brought a breath of fresh air to the atmosphere with his quirky selection of mallets, cymbals, drums and household items. The ethereal sound of plastic piping slowly whipping in the air contrasted with the sharp picks of the electric cimbalom, the only in existence, and the dramatic stylings of the cello. Cordis is the only chamber group in the world to boast such a unique collection of instruments—and they're not shy about having some fun with their music.

 The highlight of the night was a piece called “AngelStyle,” composed by Grimes but not offered on the group's album Here On Out. The number began with the soft whisper of a singing bowl, an instrument native to Nepal. Beall theatrically spun a large fabric mallet along the rim of a golden bowl, creating a faint hum in the dimly lit Alfond Auditorium. The cello and full piano joined in, accented faintly by the tinkers of a toy piano. As the music built up, O'Neill and Grimes stepped away from their instruments and busted out the thumb pianos. Never had two men looked so bad-ass banging their heads while picking at metal tines. The line-up crescendoed into an unusual take on heavy metal, complete with electric guitar and full drum set, during the closing song of the concert which shook the art of the walls—almost. The quartet is currently touring the East Coast with the hopes of returning to perform in Boston again soon.

Next up, the MFA will welcome Lost in the Trees, an American folk group from North Carolina, for the third installation of their Spring Concert Series on April 13.

How are you balancing being a new mom, releasing an album and going on tour?

I guess it’s kind of hard, but my fiancé helps me so much, and we’re really fortunate that our schedules work to our benefit and we can bring our baby on the road. She was actually with me when I was hosting the Woodies at South by Southwest. She was in my trailer. We made it a family trip, which is rad. I’m planning to bring her along on tour.

Hasn’t it taken a toll on your ability to party?

I had to find out the hard way that partying all night and drinking random Champagne until 6 am is not the way my life can function. Before I even found out I was pregnant, I had been sober for a couple months. I couldn’t make my flights; I couldn’t do interviews. At the end of the day, you want to represent yourself and your work really well. Even though I do love to drink and have a good time, going home and sleeping is really important to me.

What’s the most exciting part of headlining your own tour?

I am excited now that it will be my own visuals and a longer set time, which is always really f***ing cool. It’s going to be more all about me and all about this album. I pride myself on my live show. I think people have this idea of me when they hear my records and it changes once they see me live. It’s raw and real, like my favorite bands when I was little.

What do you hope your daughter will learn from the pop-star life?

That she can do whatever she sets her mind to, and it’s really cool to be an individual and to not be scared to do stuff and to be a strong woman. I want her to do whatever the f*** she wants. I just hope she grows up to be a bad b****.

Who do you most want to collaborate with?

I would love to collaborate with Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs because she’s so f***ing cool. Even like Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj is hot man. I would love to collaborate with her. Or Drake. Or Kanye West

What do you say to people who think that dance music lacks substance?

That’s their own opinion, and that’s fine. The music process going into making an electronic, or whatever, even a rap song, is just as difficult as anything else. I don’t think people, including some of my close friends, really get that.

Thoughts on comparisons drawn between you and other musicians?

The music that my music is rooted from is a lot different than the music that most electronic artists are recording, whether it’s when I’m singing over an acoustic guitar or the hip-hop beats that are based under the song. On my album, I have all these different genres, but it’s still very cohesive. That’s what makes me stick out. 

Is this the next Mumford & Sons? Not only does the Icelandic sextet Of Monsters and Men put a charming, winsome spin on folk-pop, it has sold out House of Blues this busy Saturday night. So if you don’t want to pay up to triple the ticket price via craigslist, you might have to wait and catch the band weave its accordion-laced co-ed vocal dynamic at the Newport Folk Festival July 29.  

You can see Of Monsters and Men performing hit “Little Talks”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ-kXZsUa_w

A more seasoned indie-pop favorite, the Magnetic Fields, turns the synth-pop textures of its latest droll, clever album Love at the Bottom of the Sea into more of an acoustic chamber-pop show. Led by the baritone of Stephin Merritt, the Magnetic Fields will grace the Berklee Performance Center both Friday and Saturday.

Here’s the Magnetic Fields performing the new “Andrew in Drag”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dsdDzY8UpQ&feature=relmfu

Yet there’s more great indie-pop Saturday night. Impressionistic upstarts The War on Drugs, led by ex-Bostonian singer/guitarist Adam Granduciel, let it drone at the Middle East Downstairs. Here’s a recent clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhhBLgYZjvA

Also, the WZLX Rock ‘n’ Roll Rumble preliminaries conclude next door at T.T. the Bear’s Place this weekend. You can check out the lineups here: http://wzlx.radio.com/rockandrollrumble/

Finally, if it’s jazz you seek, passionate alto-sax virtuoso Kenny Garrett leads his quintet over at the Regattabar both Friday and Saturday night. I'll always remember one volcano solo he delivered with Miles Davis. But here’s a more recent clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaZRAfsHsnM&feature=related

When New Zealand chanteuse Kimbra walked out to join Aussie whiz Gotye for their YouTube-boosted single “Somebody That I Used to Know” at House of Blues Thursday night, it provided the moment that made this show rival Bruce Springsteen and Fiona Apple for the week’s hottest ticket.

Yet whether it was the weight of expectations or patchy sound, the duet failed to click live the way it does on record -- or the video in which Gotye and Kimbra gracefully embody the polar sides of a breakup while animated paint creeps across their skin. Instead, their onstage exchange seemed plain awkward.

Fans looking for more than the hit, however, found their rewards at House of Blues, much like they can on Gotye’s enchanting album Making Mirrors. Only the mirrors were turned Thursday night.

Kimbra opened the show with a more hands-on band, engaging voice and carefree charisma, swaying and dipping about the stage in a puffy baby-doll dress while playfully whacking her tambourine like an earthier Bjork. Kimbra's intriguing songs built anticipation for her U.S. album debut in May. Yet she hit her peak vocally in a cover of Nina Simone’s “Plain Gold Ring” that evolved from looped harmonies to stage-edge wails. She’ll be back in town June 15, opening for Foster the People at Bank of America Pavilion, but she’s already a worthy headliner in waiting.

Gotye, on the other hand, largely used samples and pre-recorded parts to supplement his four-piece band in reproducing the ‘80s-influenced sound of his meticulously assembled album. Yet that reliance on technology seemed to create sporadic issues with the sound mix -- and cut down on the live action.

Some of the best moments came when Gotye, anchored behind his center-stage ring of percussion and samplers, flailed away on drums in tandem with his band. Atmospheric tunes also spelled minimalist pleasures, with sampler pads at his fingertips, though his hushed vocals were harder to discern in a packed House of Blues. But Gotye rounded out the set with more upbeat fare, including a wordless sing-along that truly evoked Sting.

Then there were the consistently cartoonish animations on the back screen. They were cute and fuzzy enough for kids, making one ponder Gotye’s future audience if he justly rises beyond one-hit wonder.  

Music spans the map, crossing different borders. Russian house-music trio Swanky Pants pumps up the techno, ‘80s electro and progressive house at the Langham Hotel’s intimate Bond lounge on Friday, while Americana pioneers Levon Helm and Los Lobos join to launch the season at the Casino Ballroom in Hampton Beach, N.H.

The Casino provides Los Lobos the perfect warmup for the rockers’ Saturday visit to the Midnight Ramble, Helm’s name for the cozy concerts that he hosts at his barn in Woodstock, N.Y. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Famer from the Band, now 71, has battled throat cancer, but he’s back singing and playing drums with his all-star ensemble.

Levon Helm at a Ramble last month: http://video.pbs.org/video/2208170210/

Wild Flag broke out last year as an indie-rock supergroup with members from Sleater-Kinney (including Carrie Brownstein, also of the TV show Portlandia) and Helium. But the all-woman band reveled in the joy of friendship on its eponymous debut album and took it even further onstage, tapping garage-punk abandon and psychedelic sprawl. That jamming element has only grown, fueling Wild Flag’s return to the Paradise Rock Club Saturday.

Wild Flag takes “Racehorse” for a recent ride in Paris: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fd1CrQEgcM

Finally, Sunday kicks off the week-long preliminary rounds of the annual Rock ‘n’ Roll Rumble, a cherished local tradition kept alive by WZLX DJ Anngelle Wood and staged at T.T. the Bear’s Place. The first-night lineup sports the Americana-iced indie-pop of the Grownup Noise, the shard-woven indie-rock of Endless Wave, the folky power pop of the Rationales and the Morrissey-esque rock swoon of Cooling Towers. And it’ll only get more diverse from there throughout next week (except for the off-day Wednesday). The preliminaries offer the best place to sample the range of what’s out there on Boston’s burgeoning rock scene.

More info on the Rumble: http://wzlx.radio.com/rockandrollrumble/

This novel is a continuation of the L.A. Candy series, but focuses on new characters. Has your opinion on Hollywood changed since you started writing?

I don’t think so. I’m always tried to maintain the same perspective on the industry. For this series, I thought it would be fun to write from one that is different than my own.

Was it a challenge to make the main character, the antagonist in the previous series, likable?

When I set out to do this, I wanted to make her someone that you love to hate. Everything she did was kind of comical. In this series, I wanted to humanize her a bit. We get a lot more into her backstory, and you sort of understand how she became the person she is.

Why did you go in a darker direction for the new series of novels?

I think there’s a way to do it where you can show a darker side to Hollywood, because there’s a very, very dark side. The whole lifestyle has been glamorized so much and reality TV and social media have made it easier to achieve. I wanted to show the less attractive side of the business.

Do your characters parallel you?

I can still tell certain experiences that I’ve had, but the character’s attitude towards them is a little bit different. I think it’s interesting to be able to tell another person’s approach to this business because there’s a lot of things that people can do that I was never comfortable doing. But just because I would never do something doesn’t mean I can’t understand why they would.

What’s the secret to not becoming a Hollywood trainwreck?

Watching other people go down certain paths, it’s so important to be surrounded by good friends who aren’t “yes men.” You need people who love you and have your best interests at heart.

What’s the status of the L.A. Candy movie that was in the works?

I’ve been so busy writing two books over the last five months! I just finished Lauren Conrad Beauty, and that had to be finished much earlier than The Fame Game because of the way it’s printed and laid out. Between that and the clothing lines, my plate was a little full.

Do you consider yourself to be more of a fashion designer, or an author?

In this last year and a half, I really have split my time between the two. I think that because I’ve always wanted to work in fashion, that’s what I always considered myself, but I do consider myself an author as well. It’s both.

What’s exciting in fashion this spring?

The color palette. It’s just so pretty. Whenever the shows start to go darker and darker, I feel I’m going against the trend because I dress like it’s spring every season. But living in California makes it easier. Those beautiful sherbet colors and pastels.

How do you keep track of all the Hollywood stories you try to weave into your novels?

A couple years back I started taking notes. Just about little events, little things that I noticed. I knew I could apply them to storylines. I have a whole collection of them now and it’s made it a lot easier. Forced creativity can be very difficult when you have five chapters due, so this makes it more of a puzzle.

Do you watch reality TV?

I don’t watch a ton of TV, period, but the only reality TV I watch is like Discovery Channel. When you work on reality TV for so long, it ruins it for you. You know every trick. You’re more concerned with trying to catch continuity errors than the story line.

It’s a tuneful weekend across the spectrum of Boston’s clubs, starting with a smart double bill Friday at the Paradise Rock Club. Ben Kweller has been kicking his catchy, charming power-pop around the map for well over a decade, and the Texas-bred singer’s new album Go Fly a Kite keeps his streak alive with more rich, passionate songs. But Kentucky upstarts Sleeper Agent make the bill ever more enticing, opening the night with its bristly, aggressive garage-pop fronted by singer Alex Kandel.

Saturday gets busier with North Carolina’s Bowerbirds at the Paradise http://www.improper.com/going-out/mating-call/ while homegrown soul-pop singer Martin Sexton, whose robust chops and songwriting savvy have maintained a steady audience since the mid-90s, holds court at House of Blues. And maybe best of all, Miniature Tigers bring their winsome, boyish indie-pop to the Brighton Music Hall Saturday. The Brooklyn band’s new album Mia Pharoah takes a neat dip into synth-iced confections. But expect Miniature Tigers to pulse with human warmth as well onstage.

But for more international breadth, Boston’s fast-rising Debo Band mixes its Ethiopian-styled grooves with the bass-pumping “township tech” of South African MC and new Sub Pop labelmate Spoek Mathambo at T.T. the Bear’s Place Sunday.

The Dropkick Murphys are all over the place this St. Patrick’s Day weekend. On Friday, the Hub’s Celtic punk-rockers cap their annual stand at House of Blues (where guests have included stepdancers and boxer Micky Ward) and ship up to Lowell’s Tsongas Arena for both an all-age matinee and evening show Saturday. And on Sunday, the gang wraps up its local swing at the intimate Brighton Music Hall, where the Dropkicks plan to perform their entire 1998 pre-fame debut album Do or Die.

But the Paradise Rock Club hosts Friday’s more-under-the-radar jewel with New Multitudes, a folk-rock project which includes better-known members Jay Farrar (Son Volt, Uncle Tupelo) and Yim Yames (aka Jim James from popular rockers My Morning Jacket). Rounded out by Will Johnson (Centro-matic) and Anders Parker (Varnaline), these guys recorded music to untapped lyrics by folk icon Woody Guthrie for the excellent album New Multitudes, which centers the show. But the quartet has branched beyond Guthrie’s catalog live, mixing folky tunes with a bit of an electric squall and even playing tunes from My Morning Jacket and Son Volt. Also look for the project to reconvene July 29 at the Newport Folk Festival, a fitting stroke for Guthrie’s centennial year.

In the world-music sphere, tabla virtuoso Zakir Hussain brings his latest Masters of Percussion ensemble to Sanders Theatre Sunday. Best known in the West for his collaborations with guitarist John McLaughlin and Grateful Dead drummer Mickey Hart, the California-based Hussain (whose father was the great Ravi Shankar accompanist Alla Rakha) is focusing on musicians from his native India this time around. The group includes UmFazal Qureshi on tabla, Rakesh Chaurasia on bansuri (bamboo flute), T.H.V. Umashankar on ghatam (clay pot), Sabir Khan on sarangi, and Joy Singh, a dancing drummer of Manipur from the Metei Pung Cholom troupe.

Back in the day, Van Halen was a larger-than-life band in concert, with frontman David Lee Roth launching splits off the drum riser and Eddie Van Halen spewing molten riffs that redefined rock guitar.

So the stadium-sized LED wall that towered behind Van Halen at Manchester’s Verizon Wireless Arena on Tuesday seemed fitting, projecting the band as giants in action on their playground.

Of course it wouldn’t have worked without the players doing their part. But Van Halen delivered the goods, much as the group does on its great new album A Different Kind of Truth. Sure, the band sort of copped out on record, cribbing material from ‘70s demos, but that’s the stuff that fans savor, not the reinvention of the wheel.

Everyone expects Eddie Van Halen to shine –- and he did in Manchester with the whammy whines, neck tapping and wallpaper-peeling solos that made him a guitar god. But Roth particularly impressed. He can’t jump as high as he used to, physically or vocally. But he danced spins, did rough splits, and twirled a pole like a Jedi knight while pointing at Van Halen’s roaring dips in “Everybody Wants Some!!” And when Roth went off key in “Dance the Night Away,” he followed by truly belting out “I’ll Wait.” He benefited from buoyant vocal harmonies by Van Halen and his son Wolfgang, who turns 21 tomorrow and has matured on bass, locking in with his dad and drummer uncle Alex Van Halen.

After all the drama that kept Roth out of the band for 21 years, the singer mainly seemed relaxed, rocking a hand-held microphone in lieu of the headset from the tour’s start and flashing charm and attitude. He told the New Hampshire crowd that he’d visited Lake Sunapee as a kid and later showed himself in a video with his herding dogs, an earthy, endearing touch -- even if it made an awkward transition into his solo “Ice Cream Man.” And in his most spontaneous, even heated move, Roth halted “(Oh) Pretty Woman” to chew out people fighting on the floor, a YouTube moment that’s ironic for a show with an overly tame crowd.

Eddie Van Halen seemed especially inspired on new songs, from the slower lurch of “Tattoo” (while Roth playfully snapped his scarf to tease a woman in the front row) to the double-time “China Town.” And he killed the classics, peaking with a seven-minute solo melding of “Eruption” (seemingly trying to set the land-speed record for fastest guitar lick as he sat on the riser) and “Cathedral,” laced with volume-knob swells.

Alex Van Halen lapsed into straightforward pummeling for his short drum solo, but he mostly drove with finesse, swinging in “The Full Bug,” a deep cut with “Girl Gone Bad” (the TD Garden got “Romeo Delight” and “Hang ‘Em High” two nights before). And his multi-kick locomotion in “Hot for Teacher” opened the home stretch with a level of energy that most bands would end with.

Instead, after a turbo-charged “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love” where Eddie Van Halen pumped his arms to the “Hey, hey, hey!” chorus while Roth played phallic hide-and-seek with his mic and long coat, the band ended its near-two-hour set on a loose, celebratory note with “Jump.”

Roth waved a huge checkered flag while confetti reigned, and when the PA sound briefly dropped out near the end (perhaps a glitch from the pre-recorded keyboard part), it didn’t matter. The mighty Van Halen had ably sealed its comeback.

Fans of Christian Marclay’s 24-hour film collage “The Clock” (hopefully to be return soon at the MFA) got a similar dose of his tightly cut juxtapositions when the Bang on a Can All-Stars featured the artist’s “Fade to Slide” during the group’s preview of its new “Field Recordings” at MIT’s Kresge Auditorium Saturday.

Marclay’s segued snippets ranged from close-ups of stirred soup and clipped nails to gunshots and explosions, plus two recurring themes: people pushing buttons and playing musical instruments. That last element was particularly effective since the All-Stars played live against sounds in the film during an eclectic night that included three works by composer Steve Reich. It all marked a triumphant midpoint in Bang on a Can’s three-year residency at MIT, where clarinetist Evan Ziporyn serves on the faculty.

Despite a technical glitch that delayed the Marclay piece for a few minutes, “Field Recordings” wove its intriguing multi-media contrasts within Bang on a Can’s genre-blurring ethos. For co-founder David Lang’s “unused swan,” drummer David Cossin dropped chains into a tray made from a gong, casting cacophony against the bowed, floating notes of double bassist Robert Black and cellist Ashley Bathgate while boosting the improvisational factor. Ziporyn’s “Wargasari” layered hypnotic cycles against Balinese chanting. And ex-Books member Nick Zammuto joined the ensemble on acoustic guitar for his piece “Real Beauty Turns,” periodically pronouncing the title while the faces of women streamed on the overhead screen.

The interlocking musical patterns in “Real Beauty Turns” evoked prog-rock pioneers King Crimson, a crossover element also echoed in Reich’s second-half pieces. Guitarist Mark Stewart (who also performs with Paul Simon) nailed “Electric Counterpoint,” which Reich wrote for Pat Metheny, playing live against pre-recorded guitar and bass lines with a growing sense of carefree feeling. And Reich’s “2x5,” essentially a chamber-rock piece from 2008, built cyclical rhythms around Robert Black on electric bass and tense piano waves from Vicky Chow and past Reich accomplice Ziporyn. But Stewart and guitar foil Derek Johnson lent a focal point as they laced angular, interlocking parts with harmonics that rang through the room where John Coltrane once played in the '60s.

During the '70s, Reich emerged as a pioneer of minimalism, embracing often-repetitious essential elements. And you couldn’t get much more minimal than “Clapping Music,” his 1972 piece that opened Saturday’s second half. Now 75, Reich himself joined Cossin to clap in and out of unison and back again. But the exercise was so texturally meticulous that everything seemed in synch.

What’s the secret to your blog’s success?

I think what set mine apart at the beginning was the step-by-step pictorials. Instead of just posting a photo of a steak, I’ll take it before, during and after.

How important is professional-quality photography?

If you look at some of my old recipes, I look back and think, “Oh, that’s gross!” There’s one for the Marlboro Man sandwich. The photo is so unappetizing. My photography has definitely grown. In the beginning, it was more about the detailed instructions, but I’ve done so much of it through the years that it’s gotten better and better.

Did you always want a TV show?

I wouldn’t say it was something I always wanted. Blogging is the perfect medium because I can do it from the ranch, and I don’t have to get dressed or drive anywhere. I really wasn’t sure about TV. Then they said they’d come to the ranch to film, and the reasons not to try it began diminishing. I certainly don’t have it mastered, and I watch the shows through my fingers.

Was it easier to write your second cookbook than the first?

My first cookbook was a complete experiment. I had no idea what I was doing, so I stuck to the style and spirit of my blog because that’s what I knew. It was a labor of love. With the second cookbook, I was really able to dig in because I had the perspective. I focused on the food.

Is there anything you’re afraid to make?

I’m scared to cook anything with bananas because I hate bananas. Honestly, the category that’s a chronic struggle for me is breads. True artisan loaves. If I could snap my fingers and have a skill instantly, I’d master breads.

How do you balance health with homestyle food?

I think of dinner-plate sizes. Dinner plates used to be seven- or eight-inches, and now you can get 11- or 12-inch plates. It’s just about portion size. I’m not about to stop eating scrumptious things, I just need to make sure I don’t eat three huge serving-spoons full. And if I get a little chubby, I cut back. I encourage my kids to snack on raw fruits or vegetables. We’re not going to stop eating biscuits and gravy, but maybe try half a biscuit to start.

Is there anyone you really look up to in the kitchen?

A lot of my cooking is inspired by my mom. She cooked elegant things but she always made things in abundance. My food isn’t quite as elegant because I married a cowboy and she married a doctor, so our lives sort of split there. I love Ina Garten, and I love Bitchin’ Kitchen.

You can’t bask in much wider musical extremes than either Club d’Elf or Steve Reich with the Bang on a Can All-Stars at one eclectic end of the spectrum and giddy classic rockers Van Halen at the other this weekend.

Bassist Mike Rivard’s world/jazz/trance/dub collective Club d’Elf shifts from its Lizard Lounge digs to Berklee’s Café 939 for a showcase with periodic d’Elf accomplices who teach at that college. The lineup includes guitarists Dave Tronzo, Dave Fiuzynski and Randy Roos as well as keyboardists Alain Mallet and Paul Schultheis, and percussionist Jerry Leake. It’s even an all-ages show -- and a tad earlier than the usual Lizard throwdowns.

Long before tape loops (then digital loops) became part of pop music’s vocabulary, Steve Reich helped pioneer that technique through minimalist compositions that favored rhythmic, trance-like repetition. On Saturday at MIT’s Kresge Auditorium, Reich teams with the Bang on a Can All-Stars, the new music ensemble that combines classical, jazz and rock music with precision and virtuosity. The group will present the local premiere of Reich’s “2x5” in addition to a preview of its own multi-media project “Field Recordings,” featuring guitarist/singer Nick Zammuto from the pop-collage duo the Books. And Reich himself will perform his aptly titled early piece “Clapping Music” with Bang on a Can percussionist David Cossin as part of the program.

Here’s a Bang on a Can performance of Reich's "2x5" in London (let it develop) for a taste of what to expect: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liUBVrq3plA

On Sunday, hard-rock kings Van Halen kick it old-school at a sold-out TD Garden (tickets remain for Manchester’s Verizon Wireless Arena Tuesday). In the saddle for another go-around with old carnival-barker frontman David Lee Roth, the group sounds surprisingly vintage on new album A Different Kind of Truth, partly because they mined some demos from their ‘70s heyday. Guitar trendsetter Eddie Van Halen’s back in shape, burning up the fretboard with hammer-on licks over the popping propulsion of brother Alex on drums and son Wolfgang, who’s coming into his own on bass as he nears his 21^st birthday.

Here’s one of Van Halen's best new (old) songs, “She’s the Woman,” at an LA warmup gig: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHv8KBRFb40

I’ve always been a political junkie (add that to my list of other “junky-isms” that includes design, books, peonies, Pinterest, good reality TV, so-bad-it’s-good reality TV, innovation, Matt Lauer, typography, Sophia Grace & Rosie…the list goes on). But while I found this week’s Super Tuesday races riveting, the real primaries on my mind were the vibrant, solid hues dominating spring wardrobes. For our spring fashion issue, the Style page took to the color wheel to show how dress-shoe pairings in untraditional color combos can keep you looking breezy and bright for daytime.

Elsewhere, though, designers are doing the bold color-blocking work for us. Here are my picks for some of the season’s brightest ideas in pack-punching color combos.

Bikepath Tee from Madewell

Derek Lam Colorblock Tank Dress from Barneys New York

Adele Embossed Crocodile Clutch from Diane Von Furstenberg

Midi Body-Conscious Dress from ASOS

Color Blocks Ink Wash from Etsy

Tween girls and their enablers who want to catch Big Time Rush at the Comcast Center Aug. 12 might want to rush to buy tickets this Saturday (or now through pre-sales) based on the frenzy for the Nickelodeon stars at last Saturday’s sold-out Agganis Arena.

Fans waved Big Time Rush glow tubes, lifted posters with shout-outs like “Marry Me Kendall,” and stocked the stage screens with a pre-show Twitter feed of gushing expectations -- for a boy band that essentially visits fans’ living rooms in a sit-com. Like the Monkees 45 years ago (RIP Davy Jones), Big Time Rush is riding the celebrity of the small screen -- and a couple of hit spin-off albums -- onto the big stage. And the hubbub will only swell with Saturday’s Nickelodeon premiere of “Big Time Movie."

But when the foursome of Kendall Schmidt, James Maslow, Carlos Pena Jr. and Logan Henderson hit the Agganis stage, something curious happened. As actors onscreen, the members of BTR scamper through awkward social situations with exaggerated facial expressions and sharp comic skills. But onstage, the singers lose their fictional back story as goofy Minnesota hockey chums seeking Hollywood fame as well as their defined, script-fed personalities. They seemed more like just another boy band playing to the crowd amidst sparklers and pyro. At least their choreographed dance moves, like their TV characters, seemed rough and playful rather than overly slick.

Still, it might have helped if the quartet established its personalities vocally a bit more. There was a lot of roaming around the three-tier stage (or four tiers with the hydraulic riser), hopping off a trampoline, and sliding down fire poles. But the guys’ vocals, like their stage moves, seemed interchangeable, traded in near-unison lines that made it difficult to tell how much of the singing was live or filled through backing tracks. It was a combination, and the vocals might have been better defined without the clunky, muddled mix of the live band split between platforms.

The crowd still went bonkers for upbeat fare like theme song “Big Time Rush” and the ‘80s-styled “Love Me Love Me,” the guys changing to red and black jackets, baseball caps and headset mics that made the rich vocals harder to believe.

Given the often chaotic mix, with crowd screams on top of the vocals and music, Big Time Rush fared best in stripping things down, even taking to stools for the smooth “No Idea” and “Cover Girl,” where the guys invited a girl named Monica onstage. She seemed typically overwhelmed by the experience, especially when the singers took turns holding her hand -- with the camera naturally zooming on that detail. Where would BTR be without the camera?

An even bigger moment came when the four guys walked from the stage edge into the crowd for “Boyfriend,” not only singing in the aisles but giving out hugs. Given the potential for unpredictable pandemonium, the scene looked surprisingly cute and civil.

If anything is predictable in this world, Big Time Rush will have their day then fade away. If the screams greeting opening act One Direction was an indication, that U.K. group could be the next boy band to live it big time.

Can rock ‘n’ roll bring a new audience to ballet, dashing preconceptions of the dance form as something esoteric or inaccessible?

That could happen with Christopher Bruce’s “Rooster,” a piece choreographed to eight songs by the Rolling Stones in Boston Ballet’s “Play with Fire.” But the balance of the company’s dynamic program, at the Opera House through March 11, might ensure that new fans feel compelled to return to the ballet.

“Rooster” sports male dancers in jackets and ties who occasionally strut like cocky birds and engage with female dancers dressed like stylish cheerleaders. And as the piece rolls from tune to tune, the dance moves remain relatively loose, light and often literal. We watch "the children play” with social politics in “As Tears Go By," while the men extend their hands with a flourish to the “pleased to meet you” lyric in “Sympathy for the Devil,” which draws energy from choreography to its gnarled guitar leads.

The Brian Jones-era songs that dominate “Rooster” seem oddly quaint, the piece suggesting a graceful sock hop next to the program's previous works, the Stones even sounding less edgy and contemporary than earlier classical scores.

Jiří Kylián’s  haunting, provocative “Bella Figura,” reprised from the Boston Ballet’s U.S. premiere last April, includes partial nudity. But the firmly toned bodies of both male and female dancers, all topless in billowing red skirts, blur in austere movement. And soloist Rie Ichikawa casts a stunning image, grabbed by a dark curtain, limbs flailing, only to escape and reach out in a cry for help. Choreographer and set designer Kylián’s shifting, manipulated curtains construct partial views to frame the drama.

In turn, resident choreographer Jorma Elo’s “Sharper Side of Dark” provides its own tour-de-force to open the night. To the sounds of Bach, dancers interact with angular, sweeping motions that evoke robotic toys, while lighting designer John Cuff’s geometric grids hover over the action like observing spacecraft.

After the visual, physical and emotional stretch of those two pieces, “Rooster” proves an anti-climactic finale. But its carefree simplicity offers a changeup. Boston Ballet has grown ever adept at packaging world-class programs with a broad vision and appeal.

Friday’s the night to hit a concert along the Fenway’s Emerald Necklace with three diverse choices.

Playing for Change, the PBS-boosted juggernaut of global street musicians, swings into the Berklee Performance Center. Singing harmonica man Grandpa Elliott and Dutch vocalist Clarence Milton Bekker front a band of players from Africa and the U.S. Expect to hear old soul music interpreted by the international cast.

Across at the Museum of Fine Arts, vocalist Shara Worden (last seen playing an evil queen with the Decemberists) delivers her own ethereal, experimental pop with her project My Brightest Diamond at the Remis Auditorium.

Finally, at House of Blues, jam-rock princes moe. will show that as crisp as the tunes sound on the quintet’s new album What Happened to the La-Las, the quintet truly shines onstage, stretching out with textural flights of nip-and-tuck guitars, rubbery bass and propulsive percussion that could thrill a classic-rock fan.

March has barely begun and the summer’s already popping with plans, particularly with the just-announced lineup for the Newport Folk Festival on July 28-29.

Between its dynamic bookings and harborside vistas, Newport Folk has become the Northeast’s pre-eminent event, with three stages outside and inside the walls of Fort Adams. Yet the 2012 lineup goes beyond expectations, mixing hot indie-rock faves (from My Morning Jacket to Punch Brothers, Dawes, Deer Tick, the Head & the Heart, Sharon Van Etten and tUnE-YArDs) with classic acts such as Jackson Browne and a Guthrie Family Reunion. And the possibilities for collaboration look mighty high as well.

(In turn, the city by the sea will strike up the bands again the following weekend with the Newport Jazz Festival. One advance note: guitarist Bill Frisell will perform with the Bad Plus.)

For now: http://www.newportfolkfest.net/

In another sphere, Phish just announced its summer tour, which opens at Worcester’s DCU Center June 6-7 before the Vermont jam-rockers hit Bonnaroo to join Radiohead and a cast of thousands. Even if you don’t care about Phish, it’s a hoot to watch drummer Jon Fishman’s mock warm-up routine in a tour announcement video:

www.phish.com

There are few spaces as striking as the ICA’s Barbara Lee Family Foundation Theater, and the Either/Orchestra rivaled the setting with Friday’s local premiere of “The Collected Unconscious.”

Saxophonist/composer Russ Gershon, who launched the Either/Orchestra in 1985, has long been enamored of Ethiopian music, first reflected in a three-part suite for the group’s 2000 gem More Beautiful Than Death. They’ve since toured Ethiopia, even playing that country’s standards, and collaborated with its musicians here and abroad.

But Friday could have marked bandleader/composer Gershon’s greatest hour (or closer to an hour and a half) with “The Collected Unconscious,” a 12-part suite commissioned by Chamber Music America under the idea of “Ethiopian scales and rhythms.”

In the end, Gershon’s long-form piece bridged the sounds of Ethiopia with Latin music as well as the diverse jazz and rock elements in the composer’s DNA. His arrangements conjured rich, sublimely wound horn cadences from the 10-piece band (plus tuba guest Josiah Rebstein). “Bati Lydian” injected slow, syncopated handclaps from most of the players, at one point centered by a full-bore drum solo from Pablo Bencid. “No Price for a Ride” shifted into big-band swing with a tinge of Ethiopia. And from veteran Charlie Kohlhase, with his silky undertow on baritone sax, to fiery alto-sax newcomer Hailey Niswanger, who doubled on flute, the musicians hit their marks with precision and finesse.

Best of all, despite its broad stylistic sweep, “The Collected Unconscious” delivered cohesiveness, consistency and engaging energy. The musicians nailed the suite with such intense focus (while the band’s mirror-image reflected in the window walls that framed the theater’s panoramic harbor backdrop) that a second set of six additional pieces seemed anti-climactic.

Perhaps the musicians had been waiting to exhale. In any case, the post-intermission victory lap brought the night beyond two hours of music, mixing fine rearrangements of Ethiopian tunes with Gershon pieces that paid spiritual tribute to Charles Mingus (with faceoff between Kohlhase and lead trumpeter Tom Halter on “Town Hall Meeting”) and New Orleans.

Nineteen years since Gershon earned a Grammy nomination for one of his arrangements, the Either/Orchestra can still be found most frequently in local jazz clubs and older theaters. It was nice to see the Boston institution rise to the occasion in a high-class showcase. Wherever the band plays next, hopefully the “The Collected Unconscious” (or at least parts of it) will resurface.

The Either/Orchestra also recorded the suite for hopeful fall release. In the meantime, here are excerpts from “The Collected Unconscious” from a 2011 concert in New York on NPR’s JazzSet:

http://www.npr.org/2012/02/16/147048268/either-orchestra-on-jazzset

The irony of the line wasn’t lost on Glen Campbell. “Some days I get so confused, Lord,” Campbell sang, and then he mouthed the words “Every day,” sharing a smile with the knowing crowd at Thursday’s sold-out Wilbur Theatre.

The moment came in “A Better Place,” a poignant new song where the country/pop icon crooned, “I know the world’s been good to me.” It provided a heartfelt coda to Campbell’s 19-song, 70-minute show, part of his Goodbye Tour following a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease.

Of course it wasn’t the few songs from Campbell’s fine new Ghost on the Canvas that people came to hear. The 75-year-old singer also delivered the old hits, from an opening salvo of “Gentle on My Mind,” “Galveston” and “By the Time I Get to Phoenix” through the set-closing triumph of “Wichita Lineman” (where he raised his arms on the climactic line "And I'm doing fine") and an abbreviated “Rhinestone Cowboy” to match his studded jacket.

Even with teleprompters at his feet, Campbell flubbed lines here and there from the outset, but he finessed his way through most of them with artful pauses and ad-libs like the veteran entertainer he is. And he was in reasonably fine voice, working the range of each song and caressing the final note in “The Moon’s a Harsh Mistress,” a duet with longtime keyboardist and musical director TJ Kuenster.

When it came to guitars though, Campbell had no problem with his muscle memory. His fingers nimbly traveled around the fretboard in solos that echoed his ‘60s sideman work with the Beach Boys and others, before his TV variety show greeted the dawn of the ‘70s. Campbell even donned an acoustic guitar to engage his banjo-picking daughter Ashley in a playful “Dueling Banjos.”

Following his heyday, Campbell suffered rough times with alcohol and drugs (when he sang of “Those happy hours that we once knew” in “I Can’t Stop Loving You” at the Wilbur, he inserted a frisky “Ha, ha ha!”). But those days were a long time ago as well, and it was touching to witness his rapport with -- and feel the support of -- three of his children who played and sang in his six-piece band with chip-off-the-block aplomb.

Campbell faces a tough road ahead but took stock of his place bravely in Thursday’s bittersweet show with family and friends at his side.

Did you always intend for this to be a series?

The first one just kind of came along, and then I had an another idea that the publisher was open to. It was really the intent from the get-go, but after developing Poppy in the first book and loving her character, it flowed.

How are you like Poppy the Pig?

Mostly in her determination in not giving up, in being nervous and feeling vulnerable in certain situations.

Why a pig?

I’ve always been a pig person. My house is filled with pigs I’ve collected over the years or have been given to me. [I was born in the] Year of the Pig, so there’s a big connection to me and pigs. And being a pig presents its own set of challenges when you want
to skate.

Does Tim Bowers illustrate independently or do you collaborate?

The fun thing about the second book is that Sourcebooks and Tim let me get more involved with the illustrations and give more suggestions. It was fun! Everything is done through e-mail and through our editors, but he really brought the personality in and brought Poppy to life. I got to give a little fashion direction and suggestions on colors.

Has this impacted your consumption of pork products?

I’ve always eaten pork or bacon or whatever. I have friends who love pigs and won’t eat pork. I’m fine with it. I am sensitive though. We kept saying “Maybe Poppy should go to Hawaii,” and I don’t know if she should be going to any luaus.

Why did you want to write a children’s book?

When this whole process started my kids were four and six and we were reading to them every night. They love books and they love stories and I was reading the same ones over and over and over. I wanted to do something for them.

Your motto is “Always dream.” Have all of your dreams come true?

I’ll keep dreaming. There’s always something else out there, and I think it keeps me young to always have a challenge. My priority right now is being a mom, and with the kids being as young as they are, I’m trying to be involved with their school as much as possible while I have some influence.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve tried to teach them?

Treat others how you want to be treated. It’s a cliché, but I want them to be happy in life, and I think it’s much easier to be pleasant than, well, unpleasant.

Do you want the girls to pursue skating?

I hope they gain appreciation for it, and my little one likes it as an activity right now. I don’t want to push her to become competitive unless she truly wants it herself. It’s just taking baby steps right now. I wouldn’t change a thing that I did, but sometimes it’s not for everyone, so we’ll see.

Photo credit: Blake Little

Style sometimes gets a bad rap for taking itself too seriously or just recycling the same old material. Trompe l'oeil (tricking the eye) pieces turn the mundane into whimsy using nod-and-a-wink design that will make you look twice. Our latest issue's Style page puts a spotlight on trompe l'oeil bags with playful items from around the city. Keep your eyes peeled, though! Some of the very best seeing-isn't-believing tricks have recently popped up in home design. Here are some of my favorite not-so-straightforward wares.

Decoupage Ace Tray by John Derian

Pages Wallpaper by Tracy Kendall

Ceramic Porcelain Lignes Tiles by Provenza

BookBook Laptop Case by Twelve South

Pills Yoga Mat by Plank

Genuine Fake Bookshelf Wallpaper by Deborah Bowness

PBS drama Downton Abbey has captured the cultural zeitgeist. Between the on-and-off love between Matthew and Lady Mary, the plotting of Thomas and Ms. Hughes and comic quips from the Dowager Countess and Ms. Patmore, the country can't stop watching. Undeniably, some of the show's greatest appeal can be found in the elaborate sets, historical costumes and lush landscapes.

For a selection of Downton-inspired style, flip to page 18 of our Bachelor/ette issue. But once again, sifting through beautiful items and wittling down the selection proved just too difficult. Read on for five items we loved but couldn't squeeze on to the page.

For jaunty headwear, we turned to local purveyor Salmagundi. Their all-seasons selection of caps, cloches, berets and bonnets can't be topped. 

Salmagundi | 765 Centre St. | Jamaica Plain | 617-522-5047 | salmagundiboston.com

Fragile, shell-pink cameo jewelry embodies the sweet formality of the era. Find a wide selection at Beacon Hill's Twentieth Century Ltd.

Twentieth Century Ltd. | 73 Charles St. | Boston | 617-742-1031 | boston-vintagejewelry.com

English roses have popped up in beauty products for ages, but they remain every bit as relevant. Flushed cheeks and petal-soft skin are always en vogue.

Dr. Rose's Apothecary Balm of English Roses, $10 at Topshop | topshop.com

Deco's been a hit on runways of late, and the show is on the cusp of entering that era. Intricate beading, bohemian styles and flapper-inspired fashions are right on trend, and they're not going anywhere soon. After all, Baz Luhrmann's Great Gatsby comes out soon.

Roarke New York Le Rivoli Headpiece, $125 at Dress | 221 Newbury St. | Boston | 617-424-7125 | dressboston.com

Sometimes nothing's more luxurious than well-weighted stationery and a pen in hand. Elegant-but-whimsical designs from Rifle Paper Co. seem to be popping up everywhere, and they make it nearly as joyful to sit down and write a card as it is to receive one in the mail.

Rifle Paper Co. | riflepaperco.com

Kudos to Dave Grohl for extolling the “human element of making music,” that you should learn your craft on an instrument or sing into a microphone, during last night’s Grammy Awards.

“It’s not about being perfect,” the Foo Fighters frontman said as he accepted one of his band’s five Grammys in the Adele-free rock categories. “It’s not about what goes on in a computer.”

Then the Foo Fighters (whose mainstream rock lacks the artistic gristle of Grohl’s old band Nirvana but at least has human zeal and energy) played a song as part of a segment with electronic dance acts. Go figure. [Actually, Grohl has since clarified his stance:  http://www.foofighters.com/us/news/oh-what-night%E2%80%A6 ]

Unquestionably, last night’s most affecting performances came in stark, natural vocal showcases. Grammy darling Adele matched her six-Grammy sweep with a triumphant “Rolling in the Deep,” begun a cappella to waste no time in proving she has healed from her November throat surgery in Boston. And Jennifer Hudson sang an emotive “I Will Always Love You” to honor Whitney Houston, whose Grammy-eve death cast its shadow on the ceremonies. Before her sad slide, the gospel-steeped Houston was all about the voice.

Still, Grohl’s comments hit a chord at an event where performers like Rihanna, Chris Brown and Nicki Minaj relied on canned vocal tracks if not outright lip-syncing to chase perfection in their chaotic routines. In lieu of stage turns by Madonna or Lady Gaga (who was seemingly mourning behind that black-net veil), Minaj grabbed the controversy ring with a Catholic-themed exorcism, but it just seemed crazy and tasteless. Blue-haired Katy Perry fired up a better showstopper with her Russell Brand kiss-off.

Speaking of blue hair, perhaps the Beach Boys needed more vocal padding beyond guests from Maroon 5 and Foster the People and a gaggle of other backing musicians/singers. It didn’t bode well for their summer reunion. By contrast, despite suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, Glen Campbell shined in singing “Rhinestone Cowboy,” sounding so lucid and engaged that it made his Feb. 23 Farewell Tour stop at Boston's Wilbur Theatre all the more enticing.

Then there was the closing jam where Paul McCartney almost turned "Carry That Weight/The End" into "Free Bird" via a six-guitar tradeoff, with Grohl, Joe Walsh and Bruce Springsteen joining McCartney and his hired hands. Grohl held his own with a grin, happy not only to play with an ex-Beatle but that everyone had learned their instrument. 

One other quick note lost in the Grammy weekend hubbub. Within hours of Houston’s death, Boston pop duo Karmin (who graced the cover of the Improper last fall) performed on “Saturday Night Live,” a coup for a virtually unknown act whose major-label debut hasn’t dropped yet. But unlike Lana del Rey, who was thrown to the wolves on “SNL," Karmin flashes uncanny pop chops and charisma, particularly when Amy Heidemann rap/sings with Minaj-like ferocity (no wonder the duo grabbed YouTube fame). Heidemann and keyboardist/foil Nick Noonan pretty much nailed it on “SNL” (even if they seemed perky and shallow compared to thoughts of Houston). They did, however, mix pre-recorded vocals with the live mic. Hopefully they won’t lose the “human element” if they ever make it to the Grammys stage.

Here are clips of Karmin on “SNL”:

“BROKENHEARTED”

http://youtu.be/NbObh9iQ-dI

“I TOLD YOU SO”

http://youtu.be/F3WEfBOFCto

Does returning to Boston feel like a homecoming?

Yes, I love coming back. When I started doing stand-up comedy, I went out to do an open-mike night. It must’ve been about two days before, and I took a shower and went to leave, and I had my underwear on the outside of my pants. And I realized that I was very, very nervous.

Is the Kindle going to ruin you as the national spokesperson for the Association of Library Trustees Advocates Friends & Foundations?

I’ve got nothing against those things. Personally, I like the feeling of a book in my hand. I think there is probably room for both. I don’t think the dawning of the Kindle-slash-Nook means the end of the bound book. There’s too many charms in the bound book for that to be the case. It’s definitely going to change publishing in some ways. The thing about the library is that it’s an environment as well as a clearinghouse. I go to the library to write because I like the feeling.

What are you currently reading?

I just started reading 13 Bankers, I’m also reading a book called Water and I just finished a really trashy novel that took me like two days. The hard stuff that’s really important takes bloody forever.

How is your second memoir coming?

Tragically slow. I wrote one book, and then I wrote three math workbooks with my high school teacher. And in all of those projects, I couldn’t even send an e-mail. I handwrote everything. Everyone kept saying how much easier it would be if I used a computer, so I went and learned how to use a silly, stupid computer. I’ll tell you, it has made it so hard. I know there are values to technology, but I think that everyone assumes that every bit of technology is a powerful move forward, and I’d really argue not.

What’s the best part of working on Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me!?

For me, it’s like being a batter in a batting cage. I just get lobbed topics, and because it’s not scripted, some I can just watch go by, and some I get a little piece of. I find that very exciting. 

Are you a crazy cat lady?

No, and I’ll tell you why. I have two dogs. If you just have 16 cats, then people do think of you as a crazy cat lady. But if you have 16 cats and two German shepherds, you’re an animal lover. And I hate them all the same. They’re pissing me off so much lately. I’m totally sick of them. I take care of them. But there are days where I say to myself: Is this what I do for a living? The unseemly side of it, the waste, the cat throwup, it gets to be a bit much. I’ll tell you where I made my mistake. We had a peaceful domicile until I got male cats. It was a really bad idea. I always thought they would spray, and then this lady from a bleeding-heart cat charity said, “Oh, not if you get them fixed young enough.” Not true! It started the pee-o-rama in my house, and I spend my life chasing it, trying to keep everything sanitary.

Current Slack Lines Standings:
The Improper’s Nick “Repeat Champ” Altschuller: 29-26-1
Comcast’s Rich “Repeat Loser” Levine: 24-29-3
WEEI’s Rory “Repeat Offender” Duyon: 24-31

Hey, I won the Slack Lines title again!
Hey, that math doesn’t add up!
(Shut your smart face! I win!)

Listen, with bonus points and the fact that I can barely do arithmetic, those standings make absolute sense. More importantly, the real loser of this contest has to be punished. While a world championship is on the line this Sunday, so is a coveted 25^th point.

Last year, Rich had to watch and write a critique on The Roommate. He did neither of those things. But what he did produce was funny anyways. Journey back with me to Week 1:

"This movie scratched me right where I itch. And I mean, EXACTLY in the right spot. I mean, because we've all been there, right? You know, with a roommate?! (Although, not with one that looks like Minka Kelly, right? LOL!) AHHH! God, this film was good. And honestly, that's what it was. Not a movie. A FILM. Screw the NFL on Sunday. Just sit back, relax and indulge in this cinematic classic. Ladies and gentleman… The Roommate."

I can’t wait to see what he thinks about Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds.

On to THE PICK!

NY Giants vs. New England (-2.5)

Nick
As a fan, vitally important games fall into two categories: There are games when a title is on the line, and there are games you’ve paid to attend. Ironically, these are the games where you pay the least amount of attention. A heightened atmosphere mixed with an abundance of grilled meats and alcohol does not make for the most attentive fan.

“Ah! Why is everyone screaming? Did we fumble? Did we score?...We didn’t win, did we? How long have I been out?... Is there chili left?”

Pats over Rams? Barely remember. Pats over Panthers? Little fuzzy. Pats over Eagles? Donovan McNabb threw up…or was that me? Giants over Pa…

/pauses to wipe away tears of blood. Represses feelings further down until they eventually metastasize into colorectal cancer.

Where was I? (I’ve never written anything with this many question marks before.)

The one thing giving me real hope before this game is Vince Wilfork. Before the Ravens game, I knew he was All-Pro caliber, but unless you’re an expert, or lying, it’s hard to really tell how great a nose tackle is performing. But in that game, Wilfork was dominating. At one point, he picked up Michael Oher and spiked him like a lawn dart, and if your life story inspired The Blind Side that is exactly what you deserve.

With the Giants passing attack performing at its highest level, I’m counting on Wilfork to attack their O-line and hammer Eli Manning like a carnival bell. And I’m counting on everyone to remind me what happened on Monday. Nick’s Pick: Patriots; 27-21

Rory
This two-week build-up to Super Bowl XLVI has been particularly long for Pats fans, because for the first time since they beat the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI—when, frankly, they were playing with house money—New England is expected to lose. I don’t care what the point spread says. Listen to the experts, listen to the fans: the Patriots are the underdogs.

As Patriots fans, we’re at the edge of our seat waiting for this game to happen, praying for a win, because pretending that not one but now two Super Bowls didn’t happen just might be too much for even the biggest homer. Sure a Lions fan or a Browns fan would offer their first-born for this, but I can’t take it anymore.

I’ve had an awful feeling about this game ever since Kyle Williams muffed that punt in overtime of the NFC Championship game, but somehow, as only he can do, Bill Belichick has given me reason to believe this week. Four years ago, the Patriots succumbed to tremendous pressure, spoiling their undefeated season. This time, Belichick is going out of his way to keep the Patriots prepared but loose. All week long, he’s been focused, relaxed, and dare I say…personable with the media?

More surprising than coming up with the brilliant idea to take a 31-minute break from practice to simulate the halftime show was the fact that Belichick told the media about it!  With all the ridiculous Super Bowl prop bets, I would have put the odds of Belichick disclosing these details somewhere beneath him dating Madonna. (Speaking of which, I got under 1:34 on the Clarkson anthem, heads on the coin flip and lemon-lime as the Gatorade dumped on the winning head coach.)

Still, the Giants pose an enormous threat on both sides of the ball that the Patriots haven’t seen since they lost in Week 9…to the Giants. There’s no easy way to pick a game of this magnitude with your heart so heavily invested in it…or maybe there is.

All season long I’ve been trying to claw my way out of the Slack Lines cellar, and I find myself with the same number of wins as Mr. Levine with one game to go. I firmly believe this Super Bowl will be a battle decided in the fourth quarter by less than a touchdown, and this guy refuses to go for the tie. Rory’s Pick: Whoever Rich DOESN’T pick; 27-23  I’m coming for YOU, Levine!

Rich
As I predicted all season (or at least for the last two weeks), the Patriots are in the Super Bowl. Not only that, they're favored in the Super Bowl. I'm still not sure how this happened, but sometimes it's better to not ask questions. 

That being said, the Giants certainly scare me. Nicks, Cruz and Manningham (in that order) will give the Pats headaches. Ahmad Bradshaw is one of the toughest backs in the league, and there are few quarterbacks that scare me more in the clutch than Eli Manning. I think this is the best offense the Pats have faced all year, and that all our fears and all the team’s flaws will be put to the test. 

Jason Pierre-Paul, Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck are concerns 2a, 2b and 2c. If Brady gets time, he’ll burn the Giants defense, but if JPP, Osi and Tuck can blow up the pocket, disturb Brady’s rhythm, maybe get a few good shots on that shoulder, then the Pats will struggle. And the truth is that I can very easily see that that happening, and in turn, can see the Pats losing this game.

But I don’t think they will.

This obviously comes from a very biased place, but I believe Belichick has a plan—as quirky as it may be—to mess with the Giants young receivers and get into Eli’s head. 

I also think the Pats offensive line is up to the task. Matt Light’s been waiting four years for this opportunity. Mankins has had two weeks to rest, and Vollmer is (likely) finally back. I’m not saying they’ll pitch a shut out, or that Brady will never hit the ground, but I don't think the Giants defensive line will win this game. Rich’s Pick: Patriots; 24-21

 Until next season.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

How does performing solo compare to doing a big arena show with the Backstreet Boys? 

I enjoy it. I have a four-piece band and I play guitar. There are some things that are similar but for the most part, it’s like a pop-rock show. It allows me to get close with the fans and get personal with them, instead of having them see from the nosebleed sections. I’m fortunate to be able to play venues that size, but I can touch their hands and stuff. I’d rather go see a band in a smaller venue, anyway.

Doesn’t it shrink the production value? 

We definitely pushed it to the limit with the solo tour. I felt that it was important to put costumes in it, give it a theme. It’s a spacey-type theme. Me and my band are arriving from outer space and then kind of take off. I come out with a space helmet and space suit. It’s really cool. Everything has come from my mind. It had to be entertaining. The last time I did a solo record, I just got up in front of a mic and sang. It was boring.

Is it easier to record solo or to do an album with the group?

The process was definitely more work, and I gave it a lot more time. There was a lot of stuff happening with NKOTBSB but I’d already made the decision to move forward with the solo album, so there was some pressure. In the long run it paid off because I was able to do both and people saw that. My record was finished before we even started rehearsing.

Is your solo sound different from what people expect?

It was important for me to stay true to who I am—I couldn’t go out there and try to be a country artist or do Slipknot music. It doesn’t alienate fans, or make people look away and cringe. There is dance music, and there’s a little bit of rock influence, but not enough to make it distasteful.

How does someone who’s had such a lengthy career get new fans and keep it fresh?

It’s complicated. People know you in a certain way and it’s hard to change their minds. People are set in their ways and they like what they like. I’m always growing and changing and trying new things, and developing into an entirely different person than I was a couple years ago. You have to do everything you can to get in their faces and remind people. You have to be creative and willing to change.

What are some of the creative things you’ve done to spread the word?

YouTube is really cool. I direct my own videos and I’m been able to get a big following. People see the creative side of me. There’s so many different ways. I was just on Dr. Phil talking about all the things I’ve gone through in my life. I got to give some advice and share some experiences, and I got to perform.

Are you performing any BSB classics on tour?

Oh yeah, you’ve got to take care of the fans. We do “I Want It That Way” and four or five others. We do a rendition of “Larger Than Life” mixed with Kool and the Gang’s “Fresh.” The Backstreet Boys songs are classics, but I gave them a new twist. The audience is satisfied.

What was it like performing at Fenway Park?

It was surreal. You’re walking around and it’s just massive and crazy. Sharing it with the New Kids was the best part. You could see on their faces how happy they were.

It’s hard (if not impossible) to say “no” to beautiful things. For our latest Style page, I took inspiration from agate, druzy stones and geodes. Done right, they’re a gorgeous way to balance earthy simplicity and subtle glamour. Boston retailers have both in spades, and inevitably some of our favorite items don’t make it into the magazine.

It only makes sense that a Style page have an accessory, and that’s where the blog comes in. Read on to see other fabulous products hanging around in the Hub.

Agate Slice Coasters

$6.95 each at Harvard Museum of Natural History | 26 Oxford St. | Cambridge | 617-495-3045| hmnh.harvard.edu

Alexis Bittar Crystal Encrusted Twine Necklace

$245 at M. Flynn Accessories | 40 Waltham St. | Boston | 617-292-0079 | mflynnjewelry.com

Diane Von Furstenberg Clutch

$450 at Neiman Marcus | Copley Place | Boston | 877-563-4626| neimanmarcus.com

Versace Crystal Noir Eau de Parfum

$88 at Neiman Marcus | Copley Place | Boston | 877-563-4626| neimanmarcus.com

Sea Dress

$575 at Curated by the Tannery | 711 Boylston St. | Boston | 617-267-5500 | thetannery.com

Matthew Studios Lamp

Price upon request at Webster & Company | 1 Design Center Place | Suite 242 | Boston | 617-261-9660 | webstercompany.com

Gerard Yosca Ring

$88 at Folklorica | 61 Union St. | Newton Centre | 617-630-1815 | shopfolklorica.com

Jennifer Chun is an independent designer whose S/S 2012 wares just hit Louis Boston. This earthy smoke print on gauzy chiffon is a perfect way of incorporating the trend into your wardrobe without being too literal.

Photo credits (on white): Dan Watkins

Mission of Burma is recording a new album that should be out by summer -- something to look forward to if shows this past weekend at the Brighton Music Hall were any indicator.

It’s been about 30 years since Burma played Allston dives like the Underground and Streets. But a decade into the band’s second (longer) life, the local avant-punk legends sounded as fresh as ever, loose and tight in all the right ways.

On Saturday, Burma wasted no time in pushing the envelope, as Roger Miller unleashed a rippling blast of trumpet in opening nugget “Fun World” before he turned to his guitar. To avoid the tinnitus that forced Burma’s 1983 breakup, he still points his amp into the audience, but he’s dispensed with the industrial earmuffs he first wore on the band’s return.

Across the 80-minute set, Burma seamlessly blended old favorites with four new songs and a smattering from CDs in between. All of it magnified the group’s kinetic, uniquely off-kilter chemistry while avoiding any weak patches.

Miller, his hair longer than at any time in Burma’s tenure, lashed buzzing chords and string-bent squeals over bassist Clint Conley’s meaty yet elastic ballast. And drummer Peter Prescott showed wicked wit, aggressively nailing structure from angular fills and faux-disco rhythms. All three sang and shouted along more than ever, leaving extra fodder for offstage tape-loop manipulator Bob Weston to leave spinning through the PA mix, as he did in a brooding take on “Mica.”

Burma’s last disc, 2009's The Sound The Speed The Light, was a bit of a retrenchment that the group seems poised to surpass with a more experimental, less predictable outing.

Saturday’s inclusion of “13,” a deep track from the band’s stellar 2006 album The Obliterati, seemed a purposeful move. The musicians conjured neo-psychedelic layers with patient pacing, constructing and deconstructing the song’s possibilities. And when the band uncorked a revved-up double shot of Conley's “That’s How I Escaped My Certain Fate” and Miller's “The Ballad of Johnny Burma” near set’s end, it felt like post-punk’s heyday all over again, reborn with the experience of age.

Current Slack Lines Standings:
The Improper’s Nick “Béthune” Altschuller: 27-25-1
Comcast’s Rich “Le Roi” Levine: 22-28-3
WEEI’s Rory “de Nesle” Duyon: 23-30

For this week’s ranking theme I went French poets from the Middle Ages. De Nesle was famous for his long blond hair and, as a fairly convention lyricist, was never really appreciated in his time. Feel the burn, Duyon. I shall scribe a ripping sonnet that will further insult you upon a later date.

Speaking of the Chant Royal, it’s time for the Conference Finals. Actually, those two things have nothing in common, which is appropriate. But how, you ask? Because when you think about playoff football, you should think about excitement and drama. When I think about these playoffs, I'm overcome with trepidation and something my doctor calls "colon wobbles." I'm still a little shaken from 2007, and if circumstances have the Giants and the Patriots meeting in this year's Super Bowl, I think all my hair is going to fall out before kickoff.

Let's see how the Slack Lines team has things working out.

On to the picks!

Baltimore @ New England (-7)

Rich
Let’s get the obvious point out of the way: The Pats still haven’t beaten a good team.

That’s not to say that they can’t, they just haven’t, and there’s nothing we can do to change that. So, what do we do? Well, let’s focus on three key match-ups for Sunday’s game:

1. Baltimore DL vs. New England OL
As you know, the Ravens need to get to Tom Brady. And as you know, the best way to do that is to blitz him. However, that presents a small problem.

Despite having the league’s third-ranked defense, the Ravens linebackers (most notably Ray Lewis) are too slow to hang with Gronk and Hernandez, and blitzing leaves that pair with soon-to-be exposed one-on-one coverage against the LBs.

So, while the Ravens want to get to Brady, they also don’t want to get picked apart, so they may not blitz as much as they’d like. That shifts the battle to the trenches. If the Ravens can pressure Brady without bringing any extra men, it might get hairy.

2. Anquan Boldin and Torrey Smith vs. the Patriots secondary
Remember the Pats’ Week 12 game in Philadelphia, when the Eagles came out bombing? You know, when Vince Young went deep to Riley Cooper on the first drive, went over the top twice to DeSean Jackson on the second drive, and it looked like the Eagles might score 60 points and throw for 700 yards before halftime? Remember that?

If Flacco can find the time, don’t be surprised if the Ravens follow suit and take a couple shots downfield with their pair of tall athletic, deep-threat receivers—especially Smith, who, if the Ravens win, I see having at least two big plays.

If the Ravens have success through the air, the Pats will have to adjust, which means taking some attention away from Ray Rice…which means setting themselves up for disaster. So ultimately, while Rice may be the Ravens best offensive player, the Pats best chance to stop him may start with containing Smith and Boldin downfield.

3. Joe Flacoo vs. Tom Brady
I don’t think anyone will be shocked if this game’s decided in the fourth quarter, and in that case, regardless of the situation, there’s no question on where you want your money.

So while I think there’s a good chance the Ravens do get some pressure on Brady, and find enough success downfield to keep this game close, down the stretch I’m taking Brady over Flacco for win.

But Ravens over Pats on the spread. Rich’s Pick: Ravens; New England 28, Baltimore 24

Rory
I can tell you the exact season when I started following the Patriots. As a six year old in 1990, I watched all eight of the games that weren’t blacked out, and “The Patsies” finished 1-15 on the season. For the last 22 years I’ve stood by my beloved Pats through good times and bad.

So why is it that on the week of the AFC championship I found myself siding with Terrell Suggs in a debate with Skip Bayless on ESPN’s First Take? I’ve never been so upset about an ESPN pundit picking my favorite team to win. I can’t think of a bigger jackass in sports media than Bayless. He gets some pretty solid competition from Tim McCarver, Craig Sager, Howard Bryant and Woody Page, but Bayless wears the crown as the most obnoxious in the business. I unexpectedly gained respect for one of the most hated Ravens when he wondered aloud why Bayless even has a job. But I digress.

There’s a really simple argument for why the Patriots will win this game: 

1. The Ravens are miserable on the road. See losses to Jacksonville, Seattle, Tennessee and San Diego.
2. Joe Flacco is awful. Not only do we all know it, but now his teammates do, too.
3. Flacco has the worst moustache in professional sports since Adam Morrison.

The third one is irrelevant, but it needed to be said. It actually makes me nervous how unafraid I am of this Ravens team that went 12-4 and humiliated the Steelers twice. They have to be better than I’m giving them credit for, and they can certainly play the disrespect card. Still, I think I have to agree with…(gulp)…Skip Bayless. This is going to backfire, isn’t it? Rory’s Pick: Patriots; New England 35, Baltimore 24

Nick
Joe Flacco got busted for skateboarding this week. According to Flacco: “I'd never been on a skateboard in my life, so I was literally riding it about 10 feet down my driveway just to see if I could stand on it and stay upright. One of my neighbors must have called in looking for Ozzie Newsome and left a voicemail on his secretary's phone.”

Yahoo's Chris Chase uses this moment to illustrate why Flacco isn't a winning quarterback. He writes, “Who tries skateboarding four days before the biggest game of his career?” which is exactly what a haughty dipshit desperate for page hits would write. (Note to self: Draft 800-word article about the time you saw Matt Light at 5 Napkin Burger. Really, Matt, extra cheese?)

You wanna know what's really dangerous to someone's wellbeing? Football. I think we can trust professional athlete Joe Flacco to scoot down his driveway without cracking his head open, which, by the way, wouldn't hinder his ability to be woefully mediocre at quarterback.

By the way, how easy is it to reach to Ozzie Newsome? I feel like if you tried to dial up Bill Belichick, Gillete Stadium security would take down your number then coach would call a week later to berate you and threaten to sleep with your wife. Nick's Pick: Patriots; New England 27, Baltimore 17

NY Giants @ San Francisco (-2.5)

Rich
After last week, I don’t know what to do with the 49ers. I mean, had they just shut down the Saints offense and muscled their way to a 17-14 victory, than that would have made sense. The world would have been right. But what occurred last Saturday in San Francisco defies all we thought we knew about this team. It showed that they’re ready to go head-to-head with any offense. That they can get creative while still protecting the ball and maintaining the turnover edge that brought most of their success. That, as far as I’m concerned, is why they’re heading to the Super Bowl. Rich’s Pick: 49ers; San Francisco 27, NY Giants 21

Rory
Last week, a lot of people disrespected the 49ers by picking the favored Saints at Candlestick Park. Let’s see if I can talk myself out of picking against San Francisco for a second week in a row.

The Giants may have gone 9-7 during the regular season with a questionable secondary and a lot of injuries, but over the last month, they’ve gotten healthy and destroyed everything in their path, beating the Jets, Cowboys, Falcons and Packers by a combined score of 121-50. In those games, they’ve tallied 17 sacks and they’re +7 in turnovers. This might be tougher than I thought…

It’s gotten harder and harder for Eli Manning detractors to bash him after the year he’s had, but my good friend in the ESPN stats department, John Parolin, has found a way! I’m not sure how you calculate win probability before and after an interception, and I’m not sure when ESPN hired Mr. Mackey from South Park to come up with their blog headlines, but I’m just going to run with my buddy’s logic. Eli still stinks! That’s my story and I’m stinking to it.

Lastly, for everybody that’s skeptical of an Alex Smith led offense, the 49ers have scored at least 20 points in all nine of their home games this season, including a 27-20 win over the Giants in Week 10. Yes!  I did it!…kind of. Rory’s Pick: Giants; San Francisco 24, NY Giants 23

Nick
The weather has been a big part of the lead up for this game. It's going to be rainy in San Francisco, so everyone is speculating about how a wet field is going to affect each team's performance. All the conjecture really makes me wish weather conditions played a bigger role in my job.

“It's cold and overcast this morning, Dan. This could really hamper Nick's ability to get out of bed on time.”

“Windy and chilly out there. I don't expect Nick to be able to enunciate clearly once he gets to the office. He will receive coffee infusions, so we'll see if that has an impact as the day progresses.”

“Icy conditions mean an increased risk of Nick falling down in public. He’s been working with the training staff all week, but a slip could reinjure his self-confidence. Teammates couldn’t confirm whether Nick looked at himself in the mirror this morning. Back to you guys in the booth.”

Oh, that would be spectacular, as long as Rachel Nichols wasn't providing the updates. I don't need anymore of that crimson harlot in my life. Nick's Pick: Giants; San Francisco 21; NY Giants 20

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Among the weekend events honoring Martin Luther King Jr. was a cool outing at House of Blues. Everyone knows that Lansdowne Street venue as a busy nightspot where adults can catch hot concert acts. But this was a show for a different audience that goes by the light of day, because kids can get both entertainment and education at HOB.

About 600 Boston Public School students hit the club Friday morning for the International House of Blues Foundation’s third annual “To the Mountaintop” celebration of Dr. King. They bounced out of folding chairs to sing, dance and cheer to performances from their classmates as well as guest narrators and the IHOBF-Boston Blues SchoolHouse Band.

SchoolHouse Band singers MaryBeth Maes and Katani Sumner alternated narrative history with music that related to the civil rights leader’s life and times, including a stirring take on the Aretha Franklin hit “Respect.” HOB Foundation Room concierge Nikki DiGuilio, chef Nicholas Wilson and accountant Anthony McBrayer even shared their alternate talents as singers, delivering a soulful “Lean on Me.”

“We do so many wonderful things,” IHOBF-Boston Program Manager Jenny Nardone said, “but it happens so early in the morning that nobody [else] sees them.”

Indeed, the MLK celebration is just one of many events put on by the IHOBF, now in its second full year at the Boston club. Through the school year, the SchoolHouse Band hosts Tuesday morning programs that are free for Boston Public School students –- and $10 per student for other schools and community groups.

The program outlines the history of the blues, from its roots in Africa to its imprint on today’s popular music, such as rock, soul and hip-hop, relative to historical events such as the Atlantic slave trade and the civil rights movement.

Visual arts workshops are also available  on Thursday mornings, offering a tour of folk-art works mounted on the walls of the club and hands-on activities based on the work of a given artist.

For info: ihobfboston@livenation.com

Why did you sign up for The Celebrity Apprentice?

They called and they asked and I said, “OK.” It was the same with Dancing With the Stars. Everyone always says, “I wanted to challenge myself” or “I’ve always been a big fan of Carrie Ann Inaba.” That’s not really how it works. They called my agent, and we talked about if it was a good move and what the hours would be like.

Do you think it’s going to be more challenging than Dancing With the Stars?

Nothing can match the pressure of Dancing With the Stars. Just being alone out on a stage, having them announce your name so you can make an ass out of yourself in front of 20 million people. Celebrity Apprentice is a grind. On Dancing, I practiced two or three hours a day and then went home. This is a 14-hour day, six days a week.

Are you sizing up the competition?

People think celebrities are soft and lazy. You think Penn Jillette got where Penn Jillette is today by being lazy and soft? You think Arsenio Hall got a late-night TV show because he didn’t want to get out of bed? Or that Clay Aiken was runner-up on the biggest competition on the planet because he was lazy? It’s quite the opposite. My family is lazy. Celebrities aren’t lazy. They’re super motivated.

How much of an impact does the venue have on your stand-up show?

Most comedians prefer a venue like the House of Blues because it’s more intimate. But then there are other comedians who prefer to do one show for a thousand people instead of four shows for 250 people. It’s a trade-off. You end up modifying your act to use less crowd work. It’s less, “Hey you, where’d you get a hot dame like that?” Now I sound like I’m doing comedy in the ’40s.

Ever see a random gay guy or a woman in your audience that you wouldn’t expect to be there?

Well, you should know that to me, all gay men are random. There will always be one or two black guys who will say, “I’m your only black fan!” It’s funny because you always think you’ll get predominately straight white dudes who are in their 40s, but there are also a lot of chicks in their 40s. And then the guy-dude-bros. I think that Loveline and Dancing With the Stars bring out the ladies.

Are you surprised by the success of your podcast?

I’m surprised by how successful the podcast is, and by how successful my book was. But I’m also surprised when things fail. I had a home-improvement show that everybody loved. But no one watched it, so it got cancelled. TV Guide said we were the best home-improvement show on TV. It’s a two-way street.

Does that make the success of the podcast random?

I am more suited to the podcast format than most comedians and broadcasters are. You’re not going to get a million and a half downloads a week because somebody spun a cosmic wheel on iTunes and it landed on you. You need to provide content or a voice that they aren’t finding somewhere else. Success for movies is more random. You can have a good product but have it not catch on. Something like the podcast is a little more like opening a restaurant. You better serve good food with good prices and good help on a daily basis, or people won’t come back.

Current Slack Lines Standings:
The Improper’s Nick “Red Bull” Altschuller: 25-25-1
Comcast’s Rich “Diet Mountain Dew” Levine: 20-28-3
WEEI’s Rory “Chamomile Tea” Duyon: 21-30

Rich does actually drink a lot of Diet Dew. I think he keeps that entire product line in business. The only people that drink that swill are Rich and the rare meth addict looking to drop a few pounds.

Speaking of Rich’s problems, I gotta run and we don’t have Rich’s picks yet. I’ll put them in later, so make sure to check in. Same format as last week, so let’s move… 

On to the picks!

New Orleans @ San Francisco (+3.5)
Who would have thought that a healthy 13-3 team would be GIVING points at home in the divisional playoff round?

That’s what we have here with the second best scoring offense in the NFL against the best defense in the NFL in regards to points allowed. The Saints have dropped 40+ on four straight opponents, and they look virtually unstoppable. Last week, they somehow they racked up 626 yards of offense.

On the other sideline is Alex Smith. In an age where you win Super Bowls by putting up gaudy numbers through the air—see Rodgers, Brees, Roethlisberger, E. Manning, P. Manning, Brady—Smith is out to prove what Mark Sanchez tried to prove last year. Even 11 years after Trent Dilfer rode the Ravens defense to a championship, it’s still possible to start a terrible quarterback and win.

It’s also worth mentioning that in the Saints last four games, three were at home and all were in a dome. When playing indoors this season, the Saints are 11-1, while scoring 38.6 points per game. When playing outdoors, they’re 3-2, scoring 25.8 points a game. The only team they scored over 30 against outdoors was the defensively challenged Packers. Meanwhile, they scored 20 against the Bucs and 23 against the Jaguars. We might be onto something here. Rory’s Pick: 49ers

Denver @ New England (-13.5)
Last week, Tebow completed an 80-yard touchdown pass on the first offensive play of overtime. He ended the game with a passing total of 316. (Maybe you heard that story once or twice.) I’m thinking the Mile High Messiah shot his wad, ‘cause it’s impossible to perform more Jesusy than that.

To incite even more Tebow Mania, he’d have to turn all the Gatorade on the sideline into wine. Tebow would need to be sacked to death in the opening series, only to return three quarters later to lead the Broncos to victory. In order for the media to be even more in love with this guy, during the post-game handshakes, Tebow would need to exorcise Belichick of the demons that make him such a sourpuss. 

[scene: Middle of Gillete Stadium, Tebow extends his righteous hand to Belichick]

 “Grumblemumble, nice game, choir boy, grumblemumble, Grumblemumble, GRUMBLEMUMBLE AAAHHH……….”

[Belichick drops to the field. The crowd grows silent. Slowly, Belichick picks himself up and grabs the mike from the nearest referee.]

“Hey, everybody! We’re all going to get laid!”

[Crowd goes wild]

Never going to happen. Nick’s Pick: Patriots

NY Giants @ Green Bay (-7.5)

Rory
It’s a little scary how much this Giants squad reminds me of the 2007 team that went all the way to the Super Bowl. You might remember, they played the Patriots tough for a half, but then Tom Petty gave the best halftime show performance ever, and the teams decided that was a good note to go out, so everybody went home. Yup, that’s what happened.

Eli Manning just finished the best season of his career, and that Big Blue defense is getting healthy and hot at just the right time. The secondary is still a big question, but when you get to the quarterback in 0.3 seconds, Nick, Rich and I could come away with some picks…ok, maybe not Nick. 
[Editor’s note: It’s true. I have the motor skills of a three-toed sloth.]
Rory’s Pick: Giants; Giants 28, Packers 27

Nick
It’s good to see a UMass grad making it big in the NFL, but Giant’s wideout Victor Cruz needs a new touchdown dance. Salsa just isn’t intimidating. It’d be like if Jordy Nelson scored a touchdown, then whipped a pear out from his jockstrap and started painting a still life. No cornerback sees Cruz dancing and thinks “Damn! His hips are on fire! What can I do against machismo like that?”

Unless Cruz is thinking two moves ahead. Maybe he knows that his opponent’s wives are all watching, and that as soon as they get home they’ll be informed that they’ve been signed up for dance lessons and asked “Why don’t we do anything romantic anymore?” Ugh, that is the worst. Cruz is attacking the opposition right where they live. Diabolical. Nick’s Pick: Giants; Packers 34, Giants 27

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Do you prefer music, baseball or football? Well, two out of three ain’t bad -- and you could catch the Patriots game on the TVs in the Paradise Rock Club’s front lounge Saturday.

The back room will be rocking with one of the strongest lineups yet in the Hot Stove Cool Music series to benefit Epstein and his brother’s Foundation To Be Named Later.

As usual, the former Red Sox GM and Brookline native will be wielding his guitar in an all-star jam with renowned baseball writer Peter Gammons, Buffalo Tom frontman Bill Janovitz and ex-Letters to Cleo singer Kay Hanley as well as Seth Justman (J. Geils Band) and Robin Lane. But it’s the rest of the locally connected talent that staggers.

Norwell-bred soul-blues singer Susan Tedeschi will appear along with her husband and bandmate Derek Trucks, who also plays in the Allman Brothers Band and was just named No. 16 on Rolling Stone’s list of the Greatest Guitarists of All Time. Providence’s young, rowdy roots-rockers Deer Tick should liven up the proceedings along with upstart Boston band Mean Creek. And don’t forget the Remains, our great ‘60s garage band that opened for the Beatles. Boston-bred actor Mike O’Malley (“Glee,” “Yes, Dear”) will emcee.*

They’ll be a lot of back-and-forth action at the ‘Dise (not that the Patriots should give any charity to Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos). Also, for baseball types, Epstein will be back to Fenway Park Jan. 30 for a Sports Roundtable that includes new Sox GM Ben Cherington, manager Bobby Valentine and moderator Gammons in the park’s State Street Pavilion.

Current Slack Lines Standings:
The Improper’s Nick “Nitrous” Altschuller: 25-23-1
Comcast’s Rich “Valvoline” Levine: 20-26-2
WEEI’s Rory “Sugar in the Gas Tank” Duyon: 19-29-1 

The competition is getting fierce. Twelve NFL teams are left standing. Two Slack Liners are battling for my scraps. And Rich is BURYING me in Words With Friends.

(I don’t know why I play this game. I don’t particularly enjoy it, as I irrationally feel like my intellect is on the line. Losing makes me want to hammer throw a toddler into a bramble patch.)

Along with the NFL playoffs, January means I’m swimming in Pez, as I always get a sizeable supply in my Christmas stocking. I keep them in my desk and like to bite them like I’m Gary Oldman popping pills in The Professional (40 seconds in). Eating candy is even more fun when you eat it like a psychopath.

I like these calm little moments before the storm…

One note, as there are four games this weekend and three writers, we’ll all be tackling the Steelers vs. Broncos game. Points go to whoever wins their gamble, and bonus points go to whoever comes closest to predicting the final score. It will not be Rory.

On to the picks!

Cincinnati @ Houston (-3)
I spelled Cincinnati correctly on the first try. That’s never happened this entire season. Gotta be some kind of sign.

Last time these two teams met, the Bengals were up 16-3 at halftime and 19-10 entering the fourth quarter. After some lucky bounces and some tough penalty calls on Cincinnati, T.J. Yates found Kevin Walter in the end zone with two seconds left to give the Texans a 20-19 victory. As you can tell from the preceding sentence, I give them zero credit.

As great as the Texans defense is, they’re still starting a rookie quarterback who hasn’t proven himself as capable as Bengals rookie/ginger/All-Pro alternate quarterback Andy Dalton. Plus, Dalton is from Texas, so he’ll have some crowd support.

(For as big as that state is, its residents are always so impressed when it turns out someone else lives there. Legally, of course.) 

As Yates bruised his shoulder last week and star receiver Andre Johnson apparently has hamstrings made of desiccated burlap, I expect the Bengals to stack the box, try and stuff the running game and attack Yates in the hopes of getting Texan’s fourth-stringer Jake Delhomme in the game. Just one pick-six is good enough to beat the spread, and Delhomme throws turnovers like a raging baker. Nick’s Pick: Bengals

Detroit @ New Orleans (-10.5)
In the early game on Saturday, T.J. Yates and Andy Dalton will become the first pair of rookie quarterbacks to square off in a playoff game. In this one, Drew Brees and Matthew Stafford become the first pair of 5,000-yard passers to butt heads in the postseason. Of course, 10 years from now, this won’t be a big deal. By then, 10,000 yards a season will be the norm, touchdown totals will be up in the 70s and Dan Marino will be looked upon as a modern day Y.A. Tittle. But on Saturday, it's history.

I know the Saints kicked the Lions’ ass in Week 13, but that was a dark time for Detroit—fresh off their Thanksgiving embarrassment against Green Bay, in the middle of a crap storm of criticism regarding their unsportsmanlike play, and without Ndamukong Suh in the lineup. Sure, the Saints were, and are, great, but they also caught the Lions on a bad day.

Detroit won’t win on Saturday, but they’ll be better. Rich’s Pick: Lions

Atlanta @ NY Giants (-3)
The Falcons worked their way into the postseason with the quietest 10-6 run I’ve ever seen. They weren’t great, yet it somehow seemed inevitable that they would make the playoffs while still posing no threat to the Saints for the division. Aside from Tony Gonzalez breaking the NFL career record for most receptions by a guy not named Jerry Rice, not a whole lot happened with the Dirty Birds.

Although they have been in the headlines lately, as both the Giants and Lions told the media the Atlanta o-line plays dirty. Still not a huge deal, because when Justin Tuck and Ndamukong Suh bitch and moan about their opponents, you just sort of roll your eyes and ignore it. It’s sort of like how “The Situation” continues to bring up how he hooked up with Snooki on the Jersey Shore even though she was with her boyfriend Jionni at the time. Dude, we don’t even care if you’re telling the truth anymore, just give it a rest.

(Crap…did I just admit in print to watching The Jersey Shore? Quick, change the subject!!)

But seriously, you guys, can that Victor Cruz guy play, or what?  He went to UMass, you know.

(Perfect.)

I’d love to see the Giants go home on Sunday, but with Osi Umenyiora back into the fold and the Giants offense clicking, a 2007-like run really wouldn’t shock me. Rory’s Pick: Giants

Pittsburgh @ Denver (+8.5)

Nick
This game is coming down to turnovers. In his first six starts, Tim Tebow only had two turnovers. In his last five, he’s got 10. James Harrison is so scary that during a Sunday Night Football telecast I dropped a handful dishes after he shouted that he went to KENT STATE! So I think Tebow is coughing up at least one fumble.

Roethlisberger is limping, but he just has to stay upright long enough to bomb some passes to Mike Wallace. If the Steeler grab a lead bigger than 10, the Broncos are screwed. Nick’s Pick: Steelers; Steelers 23, Broncos 13

Rich
Tim Tebow can't beat a defense as imposing as the Steelers, and the Broncos can't consistently stop an offense that dependable, even if Pittsburgh's without Rashard Mendenhall and 100 percent of Big Ben.

That being said, this will still be a relatively close game, thanks to the Mile High crowd and a little bit of Tebow Magic. But in the end, there's no question as to who will come out on top. No question at all. 

(Except from Big Ben in the postgame locker room: "Hey guys, does it still count as the Mile High Club if it's assault?”) Rich's pick: Broncos; Steelers 31, Broncos 23

Rory
Though it makes me sad to see the way Tebow has come crashing down to earth since the Patriots loss, I am able to find a silver lining: ESPN’s token ass-clown, Skip Bayless, will have to eat crow, and in a perfect world, he’s be eating a lot worse than that. Vulture, maybe.

The Broncos aren’t going to score a lot of points in this game, but I’m not sure if Pittsburgh will either. They follow a hobbled Ben Roethlisberger into one if the toughest road stadiums to play in the NFL. Pick: Broncos; Steelers 14, Broncos 6

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Is it harder to write an original script or to translate an existing one?

They’re incredibly different processes. I think it’s probably easier to translate, but really that’s dependent on who you’re working with.

Why are you drawn to Reza’s works?

I respond very well emotionally, and that’s key. There’s a lot more that goes into translating a play than just adjusting the words. You need to translate the emotions associated with them, and that varies from culture to culture.

Do you worry that you’ll lose the heart of a play when you change the language?

We try to change as little as possible. When Yasmina and I were working on Art years ago, nothing really changed because the play worked no matter where you took it. For God of Carnage, there were some adjustments needed.

Like changing the setting?

Yes. When we came to New York, we began translating it into American English, which is very different from English in the United Kingdom. We had cast James Gandolfini to star, and he was very worried that audiences wouldn’t be able to accept him as anything but a New Yorker.

Have you seen Roman Polanski’s film?

I have. Yasmina and Polanski had a very specific vision of what they wanted to do for the film, so they did their own adaptation, and I wasn’t involved. To me, it’s completely different. It’s not what I would call witty.

What are you working on now?

I’ve been translating the musical version of Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca, which will be opening on Broadway in April. I've always loved the novel, and the show was quite a big hit in Europe. It's needed some very large revisions to play in America, but it's been a very enjoyable process.

Do audiences react differently to a show depending on where it’s performed?

Yes and no. Sometimes it’s surprising to see what gets the big laughs. I think English are more different from, say, French audiences than Americans are. With Yasmina, she always prefers the American translations of her works because they’re more precise.

Current Slack Lines standings:
The Improper's Nick "Double Mint" Altschuller: 23-22-1
Comcast's Rich "Juicy Fruit" Levine: 19-24-2
WEEI's  Rory "Halitosis" Duyon: 18-28

In the interest of getting our picks out before all you fellow Slackers bail on work early, we're going to skip the intro this week.  

Just know that I think Lebron James' new State Farm ad is WAY too close to the Johnny Depp death scene from Nightmare on Elm Street.

That actually might work in James' favor though, 'cause now I'm almost too scared to hate him. 

On to the picks!

Buffalo @ New England (-11.5)
With Tom Brady's left shoulder less than 100 percent and the Patriots offensive line shakier than Sam Hurd after a few eight balls, you might expect Bill Belichick to take it easy on Sunday. You know, maybe let Brady build a little lead before inserting Brian Hoyer to dink and dunk the Pats to a modest victory. 

You might expect that. But if you do, then you know nothing about Bill Belichick. 

He won't be happy until the Pats are up by 30 and Ryan Fitzpatrick's lying mangled at mid-field. And—bum shoulder be damned—you can bet he wants to see Brady break Dan Marino's old and Drew Brees' new NFL passing record. Expect a lot of throws, and many scores. Rich's pick: Patriots

NY Jets @ Miami (-2)
“Wait till we win the Super Bowl!” — Rex Ryan to Brandon Jacobs after a 29-14 loss to the Giants last week, which would have been way worse if the refs didn’t do everything in their power to keep Gang Green from getting blown out.

How long exactly should we wait, Rexy? Will Brandon Jacobs still be playing football when it happens? Do you know what needs to happen this week for your Jets to even make the playoffs? It obviously starts with a win. The Bengals have to lose to the Ravens, the Titans have to lose to the Texans, and either the Raiders have to lose to the Chargers or the Broncos must lose to the Chiefs. So just tell me, exactly how and when do you plan on winning the Super Bowl?

Why do I have this awful feeling that the Jets will find a way to back into the playoffs, beat the Texans and visit Foxboro in two weeks? Rory’s Pick: Jets

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville (-3.5)
This may be the most fascinating horrible game in NFL history. With a victory, the Colts may screw themselves out of the chance to select Andrew Luck in the next year’s draft. If the Jaguars win, they’re handing their division rival the most polished quarterback prospect since Peyton Manning. In order to end their season on a high note, these teams have to potentially alter the next 10 years of their history.

This game is just going to be two teams bashing into each other for minimal gain then punting, like the NFL version of one of those ball clackers that a-hole execs keep on their desk. And it will be equally mesmerizing. Nick’s Pick: Jaguars

 Tennessee @ Houston  (+3)
The Titans can clinch a playoff spot with a:

Win AND a Cincinnati loss AND a N.Y. Jets win AND an Oakland loss or tie

Win AND a Cincinnati loss AND a N.Y. Jets win AND a Denver loss or tie

Win AND a Cincinnati loss AND a N.Y. Jets loss or tie AND an Oakland win AND a Denver win

Also, if they win or lose and the rest of the AFC (not the Pats, though!) dies in a series of horrific plane crashes. That would do it, too.

But while the Titans playoff hopes are incredibly thin, at least they have something to play for. The Texans are locked in at the three seed and will surely be resting all their starters. Oh wait, that's right. All their starters are already hurt. Rich's pick: Tennessee

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta (-11.5)
What the hell happened to the Buccaneers? Not only have they lost nine straight, but since October the Bucs’ only “close call” was a 23-17 loss to the Titans. Over the last nine weeks they’ve lost by an average of 17 points per game. 

Meanwhile the Falcons are desperately trying to land the five seed, which gives them a first-round playoff date in East Rutherford against a Giants team that went .500 at home or a match up with the Cowboys and Tony Romo, who transforms into Tony Banks in January. If the Falcons lose, they get the sixth seed and a trip to the Big Easy, where the Saints hung 45 points on them a week ago. Yeah, I’d say they have something to play for. Rory’s Pick: Falcons

 Kansas City @ Denver (-3)
We very rarely get a chance to toot our own horn here at Slack Lines, but I have been surprisingly prescient about two things this season.

1. As stated earlier and has been proven in the second half of the year, Matt Moore is not the worst thing to happen to quarterbacking since Jeff George's mullet.

2. As I wrote in Week 13, "Kyle Orton could return to Denver in Week 17 like Neck Beard the Conquering Hero and ruin the Bronco's season."

And now that I’m thinking of it, let me add a third point: We should really all have our own horns, ‘cause tooting the same one just doesn’t sound hygienic. 

The formerly stalwart Broncos D has given up 30.8 points per contest this month, and the Chiefs defense is looking strong, thanks to new head coach Romeo Crennel. I think Kansas City wins here, but thanks to the power of devotion, San Diego beats Oakland and keeps the Broncos in the playoffs. Tim Tebow may throw like a javelinist with an inner-ear infection, but he can throw tight spirals of prayer right into God’s ear hole. Nick’s Pick: Chiefs

San Diego @ Oakland (-3)
Oakland needs a win and a Denver loss to make the playoffs. The Chargers need nothing. Their terrible and hilarious fate has already been sealed thanks to 16 weeks of general ineptitude, bad coaching and horrible skin. 

It's fair to say that this will be Norv Turner's last game after five mediocre years on San Diego's sidelines, and it's only fitting that the Chargers send him out in the most Norv Turnerish way possible. I predict the Chargers lead this one 17-0 at the half. Final score: Raider 31, Chargers 17. Rich's pick: Raiders 

Baltimore @ Cincinnati (+2.5)
Somebody should make a football version of the movie Major League about the 2011 Cincinnati Bengals. They’re a historically bad franchise that was picked by everybody to finish dead last year in the AFC North, even below the Cleveland Browns. 

One of my favorite lines was when Harry Doyle (played by the great Bob Uecker) announced in a broadcast, “In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance, you haven’t...the Indians have managed to win a few!” 

Well, the same can be said for this year’s Bengals fans, and the players have taken notice. 

So, Cincinnati is one win away from the playoffs. The Lions have already clinched their spot. The Clippers are apparently a contender in the NBA, and the Florida Panthers are leading the NHL’s Southeast division.  

The Royals are 150 to 1 to win the American League pennant. Put me down for $100. Rory’s Pick: Bengals

Dallas @ NY Giants (-3)
I was at a bar last night, keeping an eye on the Mavericks vs. Thunder game, when all the televisions changed to the NFL Network, which was showing a replay of the Week 14 match up between Dallas and New York. It became evident that the vast majority of patrons thought this was a live Thursday Night Football game, which left those of us in the minority watching a large group of people with absolutely no sense of the right moment—a fitting description for both these teams.

Both these teams love to get expectations really high before they suplex them to the pavement. The Giants were 6-2 at one point, then proceed to lose four in a row. When they were 7-4, the Cowboys had a strong lead in the NFC East then choked it away. Now they face each other in the last week of the regular season with identical records and the division and a playoff spot on the line.

In moments like this, a strong team takes care of business at home. With history on the line, Romo buckles like a pilgrim fashion show. Which is why neither of those things is going to happen. Nick’s Pick: Cowboys

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Current Slack Lines standings:
Nick “All Madden” Altschuller: 23-21-1
Comcast’s Rich “Tecmo Bowl” Levine: 18-24-2
WEEI’s Rory “Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball” Duyon: 18-27

Wow, that is not a catchy nickname. I’m sure there’s some weird back-story to that one, but there’s no time.

It’s time for the holiday lightening round. Each Slack Liner is tackling one game. Think of the predictions like stocking stuffers spread throughout the NFL schedule. One Sunday afternoon, one Sunday night, one Monday night.

Actually, that’s really more of a Hanukkah format…that’s gotta be a first, right? Not a lot of Hanukkah themed entertainment. Time to trademark that one.

Welcome to Slack Lines 3/8 of an Actual Hanukkah Spectacular! ™

On to the picks!

Miami @ New England (-9.5)
If the Pats finish out the season with home victories against the 5-9 Dolphins and the 5-9 Bills, they’re locked into the top seed and will have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Of course, they had the top seed last year when they lost to the Jets in the opening round. The year before that, they got spanked in their home playoff opener against the Ravens. The main difference between this year’s team and those squads is that the 2011 Patriots are even worse at defense. And now that defensive end Andre Carter is done for the year, New England couldn’t take down an opposing quarterback with some poisonous darts and a blowgun.

Yeah, how’s that cold dose of reality? It’s like when you first learned there really is a Santa Claus, but he just doesn’t come to your house because mommy and daddy don’t love you enough.

That’s always a pleasant holiday memory.

Reggie Bush is coming off three 100-yard-plus games in a row, including a 203-yard performance last week. If the Pats want to prove they can stop anyone, let alone the types of runners they’ll see in the playoffs (Denver stapled 252 rushing yards to their faces last week), now would be an excellent time to start. Nick’s Pick: Patriots

Chicago @ Green Bay (-13)
Thank God for Week 16, ‘cause what a boring week in sports. The following are some of the headlines I’ve seen on ESPN.com: 

“Survey: Humphries most disliked NBA player”…Thank you, idiot Kardashian fans.

“Dutch match halted after fan charges player”… I imagine they’re referring to a soccer, so I’ve already lost interest.

“Elway gives Tebow biggest endorsement yet”… This was a headline on ESPN.com for two full days.

“Yale coach resigns due to Rhodes scholar claim”…Only in the Ivy League would one feel the need to lie about being a Rhodes scholar finalist to get a coaching job.

“Allmendinger replaces Busch in Penske No. 22” …As someone with all his teeth, this one doesn’t catch my interest.

Football on Christmas night is a treat. Unless you’re my buddy Dave, who picked the Cowboys to beat John Skelton and the Cards last year, causing him to lose his shot to win a $16,000 survivor pool. Or unless you’re the Green Bay Packers, who’ve already had to play on Thanksgiving this season. Seriously, as fans we take sports on the holidays for granted. I think for the most part, the players understand it’s a part of the job, but when you get scheduled for BOTH Thanksgiving AND Christmas in the same year, I think you have a right to be a little pissed.

I suppose the Bears have their own reasons to be a agitated. They’ve virtually fallen out of playoff contention thanks to the loss of their quarterback and best running back, and now they’re two touchdown underdogs on national TV against their division rivals, who, by the way, smacked them around in last year’s NFC Championship game at Soldier Field. I don’t think the Bears have the talent to pull out a win with Josh McCown (2 for 8, 14 yards, 1 INT since 2007) under center, but the Packers just might take them lightly enough to make this interesting. Hey, if the Chiefs can do it… Rory’s Pick: Bears

Atlanta @ New Orleans (-7) 
Drew Brees need only 305 yards to break Dan Marino's passing record. ("But have you ever starred in Jim Caaaarey movie?" taunts Marino.) But more importantly, the Saints still need a win to clinch the NFC South. Meanwhile, the Falcons are looking good (needing one more win to clinch a playoff spot), and Matt Ryan's looking even better, with seven touchdowns and zero interceptions over his last two games.

Bottom line: Both teams are playing really well; both teams have plenty of incentive to keep doing so. In my book (horrible read, by the way), that equals a close game, and reason to take the Falcons with the points. Rich's Pick: Falcons

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Current Slack Lines standings:
The Improper’s Nick “Nosferatu” Altschuller: 22-19-1
Comcast’s Rich “Wolf Man” Levine: 18-22-2
WEEI’s “Night of the Living” Rory Duyon: 17-25

Well, well, well. Look who’s come crawling back.

Like a zombie who’s really only dangerous if you’re trapped in a room with no escape routes or weapons handy, and you’ve sprained both your ankles, and your arms are caught in two bear traps, Rory is proving to be a threat. The man is 8-2 in his last 10 picks, and only a bout of being distinctly Duyon-esque could keep him from passing Rich at this point.

I know you’re new here, Duyon, but we don’t take kindly to hot streaks. Congrats on your return to mediocrity, but you are now under direct orders to wallow. Just soak that normality in. You’re vanilla has been getting a little French lately. Give it a rest.

On to the picks!

Dallas @ Tampa Bay (+7)
Did anybody watch the Thursday night game? The Jaguars looked like a high school. The final was 41-14 and it wasn’t really even that close. The Bucs lost to that same Jags team last week, and what a coincidence, 41-14 was the final. Tampa has completely mailed it in. They’ve lost seven games in a row allowing 33 points a game in their last five. They’ve lost their last two home games by a total of 47 points. 

Seems like a no brainer, right? I don’t think so. It’s hard to put a lot of faith in this Cowboys team to win by more than a touchdown on the road when they’re just 2-4 away from Big D. The Cowboys needed overtime for both of their road wins, and we all know the pressure of a playoff race isn’t going to make Tony Romo any better. The Bucs are bad, but their guys get paid, too. This is a tossup for me. As Tampa still has the sweetest throwbacks in the league: Rory’s Pick: Buccaneers

Washington @ NY Giants (-7)
By the grace of God (and the Cowboys and Eagles), the Giants are back in first place in the NFC East. This, despite a four-game losing streak, a pitiful linebacking corps and more injuries than first three seasons of Jackass.

The reason? Tom Coughlin is paying off the refs.

That, and Eli Manning, who after throwing a league-leading 25 interceptions last year is down to 12 on this season. He’s also thrown TDs and an already-career-high 4,106 passing yards. Suddenly, he’s a guy you trust in any situation. Rich’s pick: Giants

New Orleans @ Minnesota (+7)
The Saints have to take care of business this week. After Atlanta’s thrashing of Jacksonville last night, the Saints don’t want to go into their Week 16 matchup with the Falcons and have both the division and a home playoff game on the line. They need to be quick, efficient and brutal. Like a trained assassin. Like a missile strike. Like a snuff film for premature ejaculators.

/Pauses to wash hands after making that joke

As a palette cleanser, here’s one of my favorite Bill Cosby bits. Nick's Pick: Saints

New England @ Denver (+6.5)
I’d have to be crazy not to take the points here, right? The Patriots beat the Colts and the Skins, two bad teams, by just a touchdown, and now they travel on the road to a city where they’ve historically struggled? Against a team and a quarterback that have won six games in a row with four fourth quarter comebacks? Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, the Patriots last line of defense is two wide receivers, and the opposing QB might actually be Jesus. Rory’s Pick: Broncos

Detroit @ Oakland (+1)
Way back in October, the Lions were America’s sweethearts, the feel good story of the NFL (once the Bills withered up and died). Here in December, that perception has changed. Now they’re the new Raiders: a crew of cheap shot artists who will stomp your face if it lies between them and victory.

Despite the drop in reputation, they’re record is still holding strong. They’re 8-5 and in a great spot to make the playoffs for the first time since 1999—or as Raiders fans remember it, the year Al Davis was officially classified as a vampire. Rich’s Pick: Lions

NY Jets @ Philadelphia (-2.5)
While he’s been marketed as the Big City Pretty Boy, Mark Sanchez actually has a lot in common with Tim Tebow. Like Tebow, Marc Sanchez is a borderline mediocre quarterback who has led his formerly questionable team back to the brink of near respectability. Once at 5-5, the Jets, like the Broncos, have fought back and now find themselves positioned for a playoff spot. 

The thing is, while Tebow gets a lot of grief for being an inexperienced, inaccurate quarterback, during New York's three-game win streak, Sanchez threw for less yards at a lower percentage against worse defenses than Tebow did over that same three-game stretch. 

Sanchez is like Bizarro Tebow. They're both pretty. They're both shitty. But while the Mile High Messiah wants to share Christ's love with you, Mark Sanchez wants to sleep with your teenage daughter. 

One of these guys is far more relatable than the other. Nick's Pick: Jets

Seattle @ Chicago (-3.5)
Talk about a season that went south in a hurry. The Bears were 7-3 and on a fast track for a wild card spot. Then Cutler goes down; Forte gets hurt; they lose three straight, and apparently they’ve had the NFL’s version of Frank Lucas on their team all along. 

Seriously, Sam Hurd is not an NFL player. He MOONLIGHTS as an NFL player. The part-time wide receiver was allegedly one of the biggest drug lords in Chicago. Hurd was spending as much as $700,000 per week on narcotics. And while the feds took Hurd down, he probably won’t go down alone. Authorities have a list of NFL players that he supplied, and it’s “in the double digits.”

When the Mitchell Report came out in 2007 naming 89 current and former Major League Baseball players as steroid users, my buddy John and his friends had a pool to name as many players on the list as possible before it was released. Yup, you see where I’m going with this: a Customers of Sam Hurd Pool. Round up as many friends as you can, name some stakes and pick 10 NFL players apiece. Whoever correctly names the most when the list comes out wins!

OK. Hurd’s teammate with the Cowboys, Roy Williams, signed with the Bears on the same day as Hurd. That’s one. Nine more… Rory’s Pick: Seahawks

Baltimore @ San Diego (+2.5)
One win over the Jaguars and we’re supposed to believe Norv and the boys can hang with Baltimore? I don’t think so.

The Ravens need to win to keep pace with the Steelers, and all the smiley happy people in San Diego just make Ray Lewis mad.

In a blowout loss, San Diego’s season is finally trashed. And maybe old Pimple Neck loses his job, too. Rich’s Pick: Ravens

Pittsburgh @ San Francisco (-1.5)
This is a tough game to wager on, as Roethlisberger’s status is uncertain. His ankle may have been twisted like fusilli last week, but Roethlisberger ended up playing the entire second half. Add to that the fact that he’s gone 3-0 since breaking his thumb in Week 10, and I think we’ll see the big galoot out on the field.

Roethlisberger is like the Terminator. It’s going to take more than a few dings to take him down. In fact, the last time he missed any time was the beginning of the 2010 season, when he was suspended for being a bit handsy with the ladies. Which gives him even more in common with the Terminator.

James Harrison is out for the Steelers. For the Niners, Frank Gore and Patrick Willis are banged up. So it comes down to an emotionless robot versus Alex Smith, who was shaky last week and already has the NFC West in his pocket. Pittsburgh needs to keep pace with Baltimore, and this feels like one of those Steelers teams that’s going to grind away until the very end. I hate those teams. Nick’s Pick: Steelers

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com

Playing at Scullers Jazz Club might not have the cache of performing at the White House or beating Justin Bieber to win this year’s Grammy Award for Best New Artist. But that other stuff’s about celebrity. Esperanza Spalding’s rooted in jazz, regardless of how broad or glamorous the setting. Besides, fame lets you sell out six shows at Scullers, as the ex-Berklee student and professor did over the weekend.

While the lithe bassist/singer poised to further boost her mainstream profile with a more electric new CD in the new year (she’s already billed as a “funk” headliner at June’s Montreal Jazz Festival), Spalding kept her jazz straight at Scullers. Not only did she stick to acoustic bass, but she barely sang the entire weekend, which might have been a disappointment to some attendees. Instrumental jazz still yielded more than enough satisfaction, given that Spalding had pianist Geri Allen and drummer Terri Lyne Carrington rounding out her trio as musical sisters in conversation.

Sunday’s first show, a matinee benefit for the Hopes Project to bring music therapy to Mass. General Hospital, found the virtuosos “flying by the seat of our pants,” as Carrington put it -- just the way they like it.

The group focused on standards with non-standard delivery over its 75-minute set, casually mixing the accessible and the abstract. “Everything Happens to Me” built Allen’s impressionistic comping into cyclical layers with hints of Latin jazz. The trio infused Thelonious Monk’s “Epistrophy” with robust accents, the practically demur Spalding firmly quoting the melody through her skittering bass solo. And Carrington painted undercurrents with rimshots on the edges of her drums, tapping a brush to her ride cymbal’s bell for a pulse that sounded like a toy soldier’s march on “A Child is Born,” the title track from Allen’s new Christmas album.

The three players (who have all taught at Boston music colleges) also appear on Carrington’s all-female Mosaic Project CD, which Allen saluted in light of its recent Grammy nomination. Then she mentioned Spalding’s Grammy triumph, and in a nod to the power of jazz and women in particular, Allen piped, “Somebody said, ‘Yes, we can.’”

What attracted you to La Cage?

Every three or four years I start thinking about doing a play. You need to morph and reinvent yourself if you want to stick around. I loved the show because the relationships are so interesting. The entire process of getting this going took nine months. Children come quicker!

Is playing such a flashy character going to ruin your clout with the opposite sex?

Not at all. The people who see this show—even the more conservative folks in Middle America—are touched by the universal emotions. In the beginning, La Cage was an anthem, and it still is. It’s about being true to yourself and those that you’ve loved.

What surprised you the most about acting in this show?

I had no idea what to expect. Chris Sieber has done both roles, so he gave me some tips. The first thing I noticed was that the dancers in this show are amazing athletes. I had never worked with drag and transvestite performers before. Guess what? They’re considerate, professional people just like everybody else.

What’s more challenging: La Cage or Dancing With the Stars?

They were two totally different experiences, but probably Dancing With the Stars. With this show, you have a rhythm and you learn a routine that you follow for a long time. The pressure on Dancing With the Stars is just so high and you need to learn new steps in no time at all. The rehearsals are grueling. I was so ready to be eliminated. I ended up having my knee replaced.

Are the kids from Jersey Shore stealing your tanning thunder?

The National Enquirer once said that I had skin cancer. They called me for a quote and asked what I was doing for treatment. I said “sitting on the balcony.” Since I’ve been on the road, my tan has definitely faded. I’m due for a vacation, though.

Any favorite memory from Boston?

I lived at 28 Chestnut Street in Beacon Hill when I was a kid. My mother was married to Carleton Hunt in the 1950s. They were “proper Bostonians,” but my mother was a true Southern belle. One year she decided to do a holiday drive for needy children, and it came up a little short. She went to Filene’s Basement and spent a fortune on gifts for strangers and was branded Mrs. Santa Claus. They got divorced soon after, and we left Boston.

Photo Credit: Joan Marcus

Current Slack Lines standings:
The Improper’s Nick “The Dictator” Altschuller: 22-16-1
Comcast’s Rich “The Chairman” Levine: 17-18-1
WEEI’s Rory “The Intern” Duyon: 14-25

My duties as a boyfriend require me to have dinner with people from Indianapolis this weekend. It’s going to be very hard for me not to silently judge every move the dude makes.

If he wants to talk about the Colts, I will be nice.
If he mentions 18-1, I will be cordial.
But if he brags about Indianapolis’ famed shrimp cocktail, I will BASH HIM IN THE FACE WITH A SERVING TRAY.

Should be a lovely time.

On to the picks!

New England @ Washington (-8)
DC is the only NFL city where the Patriots have never won, which is especially interesting because, well, there’s nothing else particularly interesting about this game.

The Redskins are toast, having lost seven of eight and all but guaranteeing their eighth losing season in the last 10 years. They have a quarterback in Rex Grossman, who Bill Belichick could only describe as “confident” in this week’s press conference, which is another way of saying: “He’s an idiot. Prepare for mass interceptions.”

When it comes down to it, this game is about one team with nothing to play for (and very little to play with) against a quality team still fighting for playoff seeding and a chance to prove that, unlike last week against Indianapolis, they’re capable blowing out a bad team. Rich’s Pick: Patriots

Houston @ Cincinnati (-3)
When Matt Schaub and Matt Leinart both went down with injuries, there was speculation as to whether the Texans were going to sign the washed-up Jake Delhomme or the presumed-dead Jeff Garcia.

They ended up signing both.

What’s the opposite of an embarrassment of riches? An abundance of slop? A confidence of garbage? A triumph of detritus? (That last one does have sort of an official ring to it.)

While the Texans, led by rookie T.J. Yates, are aiming for their team-record 10^th win, fellow rookie—the Ginger Messiah himself—Andy Dalton is hoping to get the Bengals on track after losing three of their last four.

Even if Cincinnati can win at St. Louis in Week 15 and at home against Arizona in Week 16, they’ve got a tough Week 17 game against the Ravens. Nine total wins may not be enough in a tough AFC playoff race. If the D can keep the Texans running game in check and pressure Yates, the Bengals will cover, and we’ll hopefully be able to see Delhomme sling a few more INTS, just for old times’ sake. Nick’s Pick: Bengals

Atlanta @ Carolina (+2.5)
Last week, Cam Newton set an NFL record for rushing touchdowns by a quarterback in a single season when he found pay dirt for the 13^th time. Patriots fans know this record previously belonged to Steve Grogan. Would you ever have expected this guy to hold such a record? For 35 years?!

Newton has certainly given Panthers fans a reason for optimism. They’ve won back-to-back games and they’re fifth in the NFL in total yards. Unfortunately, the defense isn’t stopping anybody, and those back-to-back wins were against the Colts and Bucs, which is about as bad as it gets on the defensive side of the ball.

The Falcons have flown under the radar for most of the season, partially due to a disappointing encore following a 13-3 season. Atlanta might not be that good, but I think they can go to Carolina and win by a field goal. Rory’s Pick: Falcons

 Chicago @ Denver (-3.5)Despite his ridiculous 6-1 record and the five straight wins as a starter, this marks only the second time this season that Tim Tebow’s been favored in a game. (The other was against the Dolphins in his first start of the season.)

Even more amazing? This game isn’t as much about Tebow as it is about the complete and utter destruction of the Bears. Without Matt Forte and Jay Cutler, they’d have a hard time beating the Colts, never mind traveling to Denver—a tough place to play regardless of who’s playing QB—against one of the sneaky best D’s in the league.

Chalk up another big win for Timmy. And commence the hype over next week’s showdown with the Pats. Rich’s pick: Broncos

 Buffalo @ San Diego (-7)Damn it, Fitzpatrick! The good people of Buffalo, the Queen City, the City of No Illusions, the Nickel City—and, according to Wikipedia, three other epithets, which is WAY too many for one municipality—bequeathed to you the greatest nickname the NFL has ever know, and you’re RUINING IT.

The Bills began the season 4-2, including a victory at New England. Then, on Oct. 28, the Amish Rifle signed a six-year, $59-million extension. They’ve gone 1-5 since.

Turn in your weapon, soldier. From now on, you will be known as the Mennonite Blow Gun—UNLESS, you can beat a seven-point spread. How bad do you want it?! Nick’s Pick: Bills

 Oakland @ Green Bay (-11)As a Pats fan watching the Giants and Packers last week, I was hoping to see Green Bay defeated, because I don’t want anybody to match New England’s 16-0 record from 2007. Then I remembered, while watching Aaron Rodgers drive his team down the field for the winning score, just how fun it is when the Giants lose.

A quick tangent: Growing up, the Giants were just about the only New York team I didn’t have a big problem with. It wasn’t until I went to Fairfield University and met the Fly Kappa Guidos…yup, really. We didn’t have fraternities at Fairfield, so a bunch of Italian Americans and two Polish kids from Westchester, N.Y., Long Island and North Jersey (three Joes, three Nicks, two Doms, a Rich and a Mike) made their own fake “frat,” because apparently that was the cool thing to do. I already had enough reasons to hate the Yankees, but those 10 guys put the Giants among my most hated sports franchises. 

Nobody has been able to stop the Packers yet, and last week somebody FINALLY exposed the Raiders as frauds (thank you, Miami). Packers win big. Rory’s Pick: Packers

San Francisco @ Arizona (+4)The Cardinals are coming off a nice victory against Dallas, but at this point, all they have to gain with a win is a worse draft pick. (They have no shot of catching the Wild Card contenders, and San Francisco already has the division clinched.) Combine that with the fact that, well, the Niners are just better and, division-rivalry be damned, I’m taking San Fran even against the points. Rich’s Pick: 49ers

NY Giants @ Dallas (-3.5)The Cowboys turned their season around when they started giving the ball to DeMarco Murray. In Week 6, they handed him the ball 25 times. They won. In Week 7, they gave him the ball eight times. They lost. In Weeks 8-11, Murray averaged over 27 touches a game. All victories. Last week, coach Jason Garret gave Murray just 12 opportunities and also iced his own kicker. That game plan did not work out well.

The Giants have the leagues 23^rd best rushing defense. Expect Murray to be handed balls like an overworked veterinary assistant. Nick’s Pick: Cowboys

 St. Louis @ Seattle (-5)What genius decided this should be the Monday night game? I realize these teams basically had a one game playoff last year in Week 17, but the Seahawks took the division with seven wins! Collectively, the NFC West went 13-27 last season against teams from outside the NFC West. If you swapped the NFC West with the SEC, I’m not sure anybody would notice. In fact, this morning on WEEI’s Dennis & Callahan show, the NFL Network’s Mike Lombardi said he’s not sure that LSU couldn’t beat the Rams. This game has no business being played in primetime.

The city of Seattle hasn’t had an awful lot to get excited about since Shawn Kemp got fat. Sure, they made a Super Bowl, but I was out of the country and the Steelers won, so it didn’t happen. The “12^th Man” will be rowdy and ready as their beloved Seahawks host a team they beat by 17 on the road just three weeks ago. Rory’s Pick: Seahawks

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com

Current Slack Lines standings:
The Improper’s Nick “The Conqueror” Altschuller: 20-15-1
Comcast’s Rich “The Invader” Levine: 15-17-1
WEEI’s Rory “The Unwelcome Houseguest” Duyon: 12-24

So Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari are reengaged. I don’t really care, but when an apathetic dope gets together with a vapid reality TV star, it just makes me want to point out what an uncaring, blasé, wet-blanket tool Cutler is.
Again.

Here’s what QB Droopy Dog had to say about his upcoming nuptials on ESPN Chicago:

“You are once again engaged to Kristin Cavallari. Do you need to go through the process or again, or is it just like, ‘OK, let's do this?:
I don't really make a lot of those decisions. I'm kind of just along for the ride. … I hear about them in passing or if I have to possibly write a check or something of that sort.

WHOA HOO, put a cap on that excitement, you hopeless romantic!

When is this going to happen? And is it going to be in Chicago?:
You're asking the wrong person.

Tots, bro! You’re only getting married, no biggie. As a long as there’s an open bar and the DJ remembers to play Daughtry during the first dance, am I right?

What if, on your wedding day, Kristin is replaced with some sort of human/animal hybrid, like a centaur or a minotaur?
Whatevs.

OK, I made the last one up. Either way, I give it six months…before Cutler realizes she’s been gone for three, shrugs, and then eats a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles in the dark.

On to the picks!

Indianapolis @ New England (-20)
Holy crap, it’s a Pats’ kickoff before I’m through pretending to enjoy brunch. In fact, this is the first 1 pm Pats game since Week 3, and the only reason this game isn’t being shown in primetime is because it was flexed out of the Sunday Night Football schedule (because no child should be forced to watch the Colts offense before bedtime).

And holy crap, that’s a big line. But the Colts are starting Dan Orlovsky at quarterback. In Week 11, New England beat a backup quarterback by 31 at home. In Week 12, they beat a backup by 18 on the road. In 2008, Orlovsky was quarterbacking the 0-16 Lions and running out the back of his own endzone. Nick’s Pick: Patriots

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (-7)
I don’t think there is a single pundit, insider or “expert” in the nation that picked the Bengals to win seven games all season, let alone seven of their first 11. Yet here we are with five weeks to go, and they’re front-runners in the AFC wild card race.

The success of rookie quarterback Andy Dalton actually prompted me and my buddies to think of as many successful redheaded athletes as possible. We didn’t get far.

Luke Schenscher, Alexi Lalas, Brian Scalabrine, the pride of New Hampshire, Matt Bonner, the Sedin Sisters and Dennis Rodman. Does that make Dalton King Ginger? Rory’s Pick: Bengals

NY Jets @ Washington (+3)
If the Jets lose this game, there’s a very good chance they don’t make the playoffs. More importantly, if the Jets lose this game, there’s a 100 percent chance they don’t deserve to make the playoffs.

Still, this one feels like a trap. Despite last week’s win over Seattle, the Skins have lost seven of eight. They still have Rex Grossman at quarterback and 5,000 starting running backs. (Granted, Roy Helu has looked great, but that only increases the odds that Shanahan will bench him.)

The Redskins have so little to play for. The Jets are playing for their season. So why is this spread only three points?

Something’s fishy here (beyond the stench emanating from Mark Sanchez’s pants). Still, I’m taking the bait. Rich’s pick: Jets

Denver @ Minnesota (-1.5)
The 6-5 Broncos are on the verge of a playoff spot. As it stands, they own tiebreakers over both the Titans and the Jets. With just five weeks left in the regular season, only one game on their schedule looks like a probable loss (vs. New England). Other than that, it’s at Minnesota (2-9), home against the banged up Bears, at a tail-spinning Buffalo (5-6) and home against Kansas City (4-7). The Broncos could conceivably end up 10-6.

(Of course, Kyle Orton could return to Denver in Week 16 like Neck Beard the Conquering Hero and ruin the Broncos’ season, which would actually be kind of awesome. The QB who sweats holy water taken down by the QB who breathes Jack Daniels.)

That road to comedy gold begins with a victory this week, and with Adrian Peterson hampered with an ankle sprain Nick’s Pick: Broncos

Dallas @ Arizona (+4.5)
This has trap game written all over it. Nobody ever takes the Cardinals seriously. Even the year they almost won the Super Bowl, I still felt like it was some sort of crazy illusion.

This Cardinals team isn’t going to make the playoffs, let alone make improbable Super Bowl run, but they’ve won three of their last four (and almost four of their last five, but for a three-point loss AT Baltimore). They’re at home, the first place Cowboys are already thinking about the Giants next week, and Rich inevitably jinxed Tony Romo by singing his praises and giving him his Slack Lines MVP nod after crapping on him all season long. Can I parlay the Cardinals with the points and Tony Romo over 2.5 turnovers? Rory’s Pick: Cardinals

St. Louis @ San Francisco (-13)
I feel bad for Steven Jackson.

Not because he plays for the 2-9 Rams. Not because he’s been forced to live in St. Louis for the better part of a decade. Not because this is his eighth season in the NFL and he’s never finished better than 8-8 or won a playoff game.

I feel bad for SJax because he has to play against the 49ers defense. The best run defense in the NFL, by far. San Francisco allows only 75.5 yards a game on the ground. That’s eight yards better than second-ranked Atlanta and 16 yards better than the number three Ravens. San Francisco still hasn’t given up a rushing touchdown this entire season!

And they won’t on Sunday. That leaves the game in the hands of Sam Bradford—and my money on the Niners. Rich’s pick: 49ers

Baltimore @ Cleveland (+6.5)
The Ravens’ three losses this season have come from road games in which they were heavily favored. In Week 2, they lost 13-26 at Tennessee. In Week 7, it was 7-12 at Jacksonville; and in Week 10 they lost 17-22 at Seattle.

The only other time they were favored on the road was Week 3 against St. Louis, and they won that game 37-7.

So now the question is, is Cleveland Titans/Jaguars/Seahawks bad or Rams bad? My guess is that they’re somewhere in between

/voluntarily does math for the first time in 10 years

(13 point defeat + 5 point defeat² / 3) + (30 point victory) / 2 = 18.833333 point victory

/sits down with a cold compress and an iced herbal tea for 45 minutes

If my calculation holds up, not only does Baltimore cover, but they invent a whole new way to score and change the game of football as we know it. Nick’s Pick: Ravens

Detroit @ New Orleans (-9)
Even WITH Ndamukong Suh, this Lions team has surrendered 99 points in their last 3 games. They’ve dropped four of their last six games, and we all know what the Saints are capable of.

By the way, your weird and completely irrelevant stat of the day is that Drew Brees has thrown for 943 yards in his last three games, all wins, but he’s been outgained by the opposing quarterback in each game (Manning, Ryan, Freeman).

The Saints are certainly a flawed team. They lost to the Rams and Bucs and squeaked past the Panthers earlier season, but the way they’re beating teams at home is borderline criminal. 208-93 in five home games. Even if you throw out that 62-7 scrimmage against the Colts, it’s still a convincing 60-point margin and 36.5 points per game. The Lions have a foundation in place for a bright future, but it’s going to take a little longer than the people of Detroit would probably like. Rory’s Pick: Saints

San Diego @ Jacksonville (+2.5)
The Jaguars just fired their head coach. The Chargers are about to fire theirs.

Monday Night Football, CATCH THE FEVER!

Honestly, I don’t know where to go with this one. Neither team has anything to play for. There’s next to nothing on the line. Of course, the Chargers have far more talent, but that hasn’t helped them this year.

When it comes down to it, I’ll take the Jaguars. Teams usually have a little extra spring in their step after a coach gets fired. Especially when it’s one they were pretty tired of anyways.

The Jags win! (Not that I’ll be watching.) Rich’s pick: Jaguars

Until next week.

Forty years after the Allman Brothers Band recorded its immortal live double album At Fillmore East and half of follow-up Eat a Peach at that New York venue, the group restaged both albums at the Orpheum Theatre this week. 

Wednesday’s whole reading of Eat a Peach, on the heels of Tuesday’s Fillmore East recreation, provided one hell of a tribute. The Orpheum lacks the cache of New York’s Beacon Theatre, which hosts annual, guest-heavy ABB residencies, but our hall is where Fillmore producer Tom Dowd also cut An Evening with the Allman Brothers Band 20 years ago. And the cozy Orpheum’s closer in size to the departed Fillmore.

Of course, while Fillmore classics remain the ABB’s calling card (likely to be drawn again at Orpheum shows Friday and Saturday), a lot has changed in 40 or even 20 years. Start with membership since guitar god Duane Allman’s 1971 death.

At 63, Gregg Allman still remains the patriarch, though he seemed frailer Wednesday, his throaty voice missing its authority in the mix. Frankly, however, it was simply great to see him back at his organ outpost after a Hepatitis C diagnosis and liver transplant among recent heath issues. And he rallied to deliver the soulful lead vocals of Eat a Peach’s homestretch hits “One Way Out,” “Trouble No More” and even “Blue Sky,” which has become a rare entity since author Dickey Betts was ousted from the band a decade ago.

Later-generation guitarists Derek Trucks and Warren Haynes assumed the heavy lifting at the Orpheum, shifting beyond song lines to explore in-sync jams already accelerated by the percussion section. Original drummers Butch Trucks and Jaimoe locked into extra-fine form with percussionist Marc Quinones to anchor the dynamic twin-guitar builds of Eat a Peach highlights “Les Brers in a Minor” and “Mountain Jam,” even quoting the theme from “Hawaii 5-0” in a drum break.

“Mountain Jam” was the centerpiece, even if its 20-minute climb proved shorter than its recorded Fillmore standard. And when local tenor saxman Paul Lieberman joined in, the groove cut into a funky swath that recalled Junior Walker’s “Shotgun” before Haynes rounded the mountaintop with shots of wailing licks that downshifted into the harmonic coda.

Slide ace Trucks, who just placed No. 16 in a new Rolling Stone poll of the 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time, has been an evolutionary force in the current incarnation of the Allmans, and his finger-whisked counterpoint to Oteil Burbridge’s bubbling bass in “Stand Back” was a marvel. Yet Haynes commanded more of the spotlight Wednesday, trading slide duties (capped with a Fillmore chaser of “Statesboro Blues”) and egging the band to an intense edge with his curled, staccato flurries in a trippy, percolating “Egypt,” showing that newer songs can compete with the warhorses.

Alas, in contrast to the second-set Eat a Peach, the rest of the first set proved underwhelming, from laidback opener “Revival” through bluesy vehicles such as “Hoochie Choochie Man,” though it showcased the Allmans’ perfect intersection of rock, blues and jazz underneath Haynes’ slash-and-burn.

And even if the burden of expectations made it tough to consistently recreate Eat a Peach in a way that equaled historical dynamics, Wednesday’s near-three-hour concert was more than a stroll down memory lane. When Haynes and Trucks began the encore with Peach’s acoustic ditty “Little Martha,” they played it as an electric duo, paying homage to author Duane Allman, but interpreting it their own way.

In a year where Haynes, Trucks and Gregg Allman all put out prime solo CDs (all nominated for the same blues album Grammy), it was great to see them together again under the banner of the hallowed Allman Brothers Band.

Saxophonist Joe Lovano and trumpeter Dave Douglas have fronted many an all-star combo, from their co-led SFJAZZ Collective to a range of separate projects that have given wings to Chris Potter and Esperanza Spalding among others. But Lovano and Douglas’ new quintet Sound Prints displayed magical synergy throughout its debut performance last night at Scullers, where the band returns tonight for two shows.

From the start of the quintet’s namesake song, the two preeminent horn players locked in interwoven waves of sweet, rounded tones, tightly alternating between unison and complementary lines. Douglas proved tart, coiled and agile on trumpet, reaching for burnished high notes, while Lovano moved from soprano to tenor sax to summon billowing, full-bodied impressions.

But with drummer Joey Barron, bassist James Genus (both past Douglas associates) and pianist Lawrence Fields, Sound Prints went far beyond its frontmen. When the horns sat out to effectively unleash a piano trio, the sidemen meshed to impress. Fields poured a melodic cascade, Barron glided from stop-and-start bursts to outright swing, and Genus stirred an incessant upright riff that made Douglas grin.

Smiles and energy abounded as the group was clearly jazzed to play, mixing exploratory ballads that didn’t lag with upbeat fare like “Middle March.” Dedicated to painterly drummer Paul Motion, who died the past week, that song showcased Barron’s loud, kinetic accents. Sound Prints also paid tribute to sax master Wayne Shorter with his “Infant Eyes,” served through Lovano’s dusky, contemplative tenor.

The group worked off sheet music, with compositions by both Lovano and Douglas, but freely breathed with improvisatory fire. The coup de grace was Douglas’ closing “Out in the Cold,” the horns trading off with Barron, who threw in a lick of standard “Salt Peanuts” for good measure. This was a supergroup with sweeping language and unerring finesse.

After the 90-minute set, Douglas said he hopes to get Sound Prints into the studio sometime soon. Let’s hope so.

Did you ever expect to be playing a nun?

No, not really. But I do find this character to slip on quite easily. She’s a nun, but she has a complex past and is unabashedly foulmouthed. She’s a recovering alcoholic and isn’t saintly by any means. That isn’t to say she doesn’t take her vows seriously, though.

What about the role was attractive?

It’s the conflict between faith and addiction. These two incredibly strong forces are pulling back and forth.

Do you have any desire to act in films anymore?

As I got older, I found that the roles for women got less and less interesting, but they get more complex and more challenging on stage. I just finished an indie film called Perfect Family, and I’m very pleased with it.

Why did you want to take High on tour?

When we closed on Broadway, it absolutely broke my heart, and I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. It was too soon, and it didn’t serve the play. I always wanted to share this show. And I think the rest of the country deserves the same quality of production that people in New York get.

How have audiences responded to a work with such heavy religious themes?

It’s been very mixed. In Cincinnati there’s a huge Catholic population, and the audience was really split down the middle between glorifying and attacking it. Personally, I don’t belong to any organized religion. I’m more spiritual.

Is acting on stage more difficult?

Well it’s physically much more demanding. Doing eight shows a week is absolutely exhausting, and there is a constant pressure to be at your absolute best.

How has being an actress in Hollywood changed?

I feel very worried and sorry for younger actresses. I made sure to keep my private life out of the public eye. Journalists would want to do interviews in my home, and I never allowed that because it was my husband’s and daughter’s home as well. People can’t make those choices anymore, and there’s a pressure to be a celebrity.

Do you miss teaching?

Oh, very much. I love to do master classes at universities when I’m on tour. I’m only in the town for short periods, so that kind of dictates the format of the class and how much I can do, but it’s a great way to meet younger actors and give them advice. 

Photo Credit: Lanny Nagler

Current Slack Lines standings:
The Improper's Nick "Leg Man" Altschuller: 17-15-1
Comcast's Rich "Dark Meat" Levine: 16-15-2
WEEI's Rory "Giblets" Duyon: 12-21


We're doing something a little different this week. As I'm sure you remember, in our last post, I preemptively named Bills running back Fred Jackson the Slack Lines MVP. He then promptly broke his leg. 
My bad!

But that's not going to stop us from playing with fate, because there are players out there that deserve to be recognized. 
Players striving to overcome the odds. 
Men who battle when all seems lost. 
Guys who struggle to do their best, even when their best could charitably be called mediocre. 
A true Slack Lines MVP. 

Here's this season's ballot. Read of their glory; be inspired to go for that long jog you promised yourself you'd take, then make yourself a Thanksgiving sandwich the size of a Jonathan Franzen novel and fall asleep on the couch. Live the life of a true Slack Liner. 

All over the Hub, readers are readying to tuck in to turkey, tofurky and turducken. No matter your holiday style, gratitude is an accessory that flatters all. In anticipation of Thanksgiving 2011, we’ve found 11 style and beauty trends to celebrate.

1. New local retail openings

Despite the difficult economy, signs of hope are emerging on the retail front. New openings like Sault, MassArt Made and the Sells & Co. pop-up store on Newbury Street are bringing new wares to the city, promoting under-the-radar artisans and supporting the local economy.

2. Art and fashion collide

The MFA has made fashion a priority of late with exhibits honoring Arnold Scassi, African textile and precious stones. Elsewhere, Leslie Wilcox is showing garment-like shapes, From Minimal to Bling sparkles at Society of Arts and Crafts and there are rumblings that a Zandra Rhodes exhibit may come to MassArt.

3. A brand new fashion week

Boston Fashion Week got a whole new look thanks to Jay Calderin and Edwina Kluender of Mandarin Oriental, Boston. A tented runway centralized the event and brought local talent like milliner Marie Galvin out of the woodwork and into the mainstream.

4. Menswear moment

In 2011, a plethora of options for rugged cool menswear blossomed from seemingly nowhere. E-tailers Sir Jack’s and Boylston Trading Co. stock ultra-refined offerings for well-appointed gentlemen, and North End outpost Ball & Buck has handsome clothes and lifestyle goods made solely in the USA.

5. (Sk)Innovation

Innovative skincare solutions are flooding into (and out of) Greater Boston. UK brand Rodial has made its Boston debut in Beauty & Main stores, but even more exciting are Mass.-made skincare solutions. For a high-tech offering, check out Easeamine, created by a local medical school professor. For a more tailored approach, Stages of Beauty uses technology to battle aging with formulas for different life stages.

6. One-stop hair shop

Festive though they may be, the holidays are hectic. With parties and dinners filling already-busy schedules, simplify your beauty routine by heading to Mario Russo’s pop-up holiday Blow-Dry Bar on Newbury Street. They’ll give your coif a quick post-work refresh, with a blow-dry just $45.

7. Slim pickings

For Bostonians who just couldn’t imagine themselves on a treadmill, there’s a slew of forward-thinking fitness offerings that promote holistic health. Operations like OMBE, Exhale and Life in Synergy make exercise fun and approachable, viewing it in context of the body’s physical, mental and emotional needs.

8. Solid foundations

Retailers and designers are finally uniting form and function at our wardrobe’s most basic level. Pretty meets practical at spots like Forty Winks, Intimacy and Sedurre. With solid and sultry foundational garments, wardrobes and attitudes get a much-needed boost.

9. Big designers visit Boston

Local businesses like the W Boston Hotel, Sells & Co. and Louis are attracting global talent to the city. In 2011, they amped up our fashion credentials by bringing in big–name designers like Zac Posen, Bibhu Mohapatra, Charlotte Ronson and Jonathan Saunders.

10. Made-to-order fashion

As I recently reported, mass luxury might be on its way out in favor of something that's a bit more personal. Local retailers like Drinkwater's Cambridge, Cibeline and Sam Mendoza offer custom designs and tailoring for a look that’s uniquely (and luxuriously) you. 

11. Tom Brady's long-overdue haircut

Though Brady put on a brave face through two years of Bieber comparisons, the rest of us endured the shame. It was so far beyond time for this to hairstyle change happen. The Patriots may not have a stellar record this season, but a post-haircut cost/benefit analysis leaves all of us solidly in the black.

May your bellies and shopping bags be full this Thanksgiving! The Improper wishes all our readers a festive holiday and a bonne Black Friday.

You can’t beat the Dropkick Murphys, but you can’t squeeze them into the Liberty Hotel to play the Boston Music Awards either. Schmoozers outweighed stars Sunday as the Celtic punk band snagged honors for Live Act and Artist of the Year while a range of upstarts poked above the fray to perform in the confusing environs of that classy hotel.

That’s the tradeoff in the trajectory of the awards show from large theater stages to the House of Blues barn to the indie-rockin’ Liberty, where navigating between sets meant some logjams in the hallways and elevator. At least if you got into a tight spot, you could quickly find your way to freedom, which wasn’t the case when the place used to be a jail.

And you had to make some choices between tasty apples and oranges in simultaneous sets. Charismatic singer/rapper Shea Rose, winner for R&B/Soul/Urban Contemporary Artist hit all the right buttons in the ballroom while the Wandas neatly rocked roots-pop guitars up in one of the small function rooms. More colorful fun ensued when crowds began to thin after winners were annouced in the silo-like rotunda and Bodega Girls’ Cool Ranch crew pumped up a DJ party upstairs.

Artist of the Year/Live Artist: Dropkick Murphys 

New Artist: Moufy

Album/EP: Mean Creek (Hemophiliac)

Song: David Wax Museum (“Born with a Broken Heart”)

Female Vocalist: Lisa Bello

Male Vocalist: Christian McNeill (Sea Monsters)

Singer/Songwriter: Aly Spaltro (Lady Lamb the Beekeeper)

Rock Artist: Viva Viva

Hip-hop Artist: Slaine

Jazz Artist: Esperanza Spalding

Blues Artist: Roomful of Blues

Folk Artist: Lori McKenna

Electronic Artist: Freezepop

DJ Artist: Leah V

Pop/Rock Artist and Video (“Close to Me”): Gentlemen Hall

Americana Artist: Girls, Guns & Glory

Punk Artist: Dead Cats Dead Rats

Metal/Hardcore: Razormaze

International: Mamadou Diop

R&B/Soul/Urban Contemporary Artist: Shea Rose

Gospel/Inspirational Artist: Renese King

Live Music Venue: the Middle East

Live Ongoing Residency: Session Americana

DJ/Dance Night: Fresh Produce at Good Life

Rock Producer: Ed Valauskas

Hip-hop Producer: Taj

Music Blog: Allston Pudding

Current Slack Lines standings:
Comcast's Rich "Champagne" Levine: 15-14-1
The Improper's Nick "Tall Boy" Altschuller: 14-15-1
WEEI's Rory "Toilet Wine" Duyon: 9-21

Lot of Chris Berman hatred in this week's post. I think it's because we all grew up with the guy, and somewhere along the way he went from funny uncle to creepy uncle. Like, once you hit your twenties, he became that older dude who wanted to become actual friends and set up double dates. That, and he seems like the type that actually needs extra-strength deodorant.

On another note, I'm on a juice cleanse for work. In the past 24 hours, I've consumed 18 pounds of liquified greens. I should replace my belt with hazard tape.

On to the picks!

Oakland @ Minnesota (+1)
When these teams played each other in Superbowl XI back in 1977, the halftime show featured Disney’s “It’s A Small World,” and the L.A. United School District All-City Band. Better than the Black Eyed Pies, I guess.

The overrated Raiders are favored on the road against a bad Vikings team on a short week. Given my track record this year, it’s hard for me to imagine that I’m going to get this game right. The Vikings did just get embarrassed on Monday Night Football last week. The only other time they’ve had the crap kicked out of them this year was in Week 6 against the Bears. In Week 7 they bounced back and lost to Green Bay by six, which should count as a victory this season for Minnesota.

Also, as bad as the Vikings have been, they still have Adrian Peterson, and the Raider D is allowing the most yards per carry in the league at 5.2. Maybe this is wishful thinking, but I just want to see the Broncos tied for first in the AFC West. Rory’s Pick:  Vikings…no, wait! Raiders. (You’re welcome, Denver.)

Carolina @ Detroit (-7)
It’s funny how quickly things change. Well, unless you’re a Lions fan.

After five weeks, Detroit was undefeated. The toast of the NFL. The star of so many passionate (yet somehow violent) Chris Berman wet dreams.

Now, they’ve lost three out of four. And after Sunday’s game against the Panthers, they still play the Packers twice, play at New Orleans, at Oakland and at home against the Chargers. Yeeikes.

But, if they don’t win on Sunday, none of that matters. With a loss to Carolina, the free fall will have begun. The playoffs will start to slip away. That pervert Berman will have to find another target on which to unleash his insatiable, animalistic lust.

And I don’t think the Lions want that. Rich’s pick: Lions

Buffalo @ Miami (-2)
Let the record show that in Week 7 I hopped on the Matt Moore bandwagon. It was incredibly easy, as there were no other passengers or a driver, so the bandwagon was empty and not actually moving.

I wrote “I’m not saying Moore is going to make it rain touchdowns on South Beach, but he knows what to do with the ball.” As I am deeply cynical man, that’s as close to a ringing endorsement as I get.

In the games since, the Dolphins lost to the Broncos by two, the Giants by three, and then proceeded to dominate the Chiefs in Kansas City, 31-3, and beat the Redskins by 11. Through those games, Moore performed well, with a passer rating of 93.5 (and he also effectively screwed Miami’s chances of getting the first pick—even when Moore wins he loses).

On the other side, Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick has been shaky since signing his $59 million contract. So far, Buffalo running back Fred Jackson is my Slack Lines pick for MVP, but he hasn’t found the end zone in three games. Meanwhile Pizza Hut spokes model Reggie Bush is on the best three-game run of his career (242 yards, what a loser). Despite all that, I still think the Bills are going to win. But I can’t stand to see Chris Berman happy. Nick’s Pick: Dolphins

Arizona @ San Francisco (9.5)
Over the course of the season you’ve heard Nick and me reference my NFL Survivor Pool where you pick one winner a week and can’t use that team again. Eli Manning screwed us both when he laid an egg against the Seahawks at home in Week 5, and we’ve been bitter ever since. My buddy Dave has been involved in a couple of survivor pools in each of the last two seasons, and he’s gone deep both years. Last year he made it to Week 15 in a $16,000 pool, and this year he lasted all the way until last weekend in my pool, which is for…handshakes and bragging rights. ::wink wink::

Both seasons, he was one of the last players to take the fall because he went against…John Skelton!  That’s right, the Cardinals backup quarterback has sunk him in back to back seasons, and now I’m actually a little bit scared of him. How is this possible? He played for freakin’ Fordham. Though he does look like Ghostface

Ghostface is due to come back down to Earth, and the 49ers have the defense to make that happen. For this week, I’ll call them the Ghostface Killahs. ::crickets:: Rory’s Pick: 49ers

Tennessee @ Atlanta (-6)
No matter what the statistics say, I don’t agree with Mike Smith’s decision to go for it on fourth in last week’s overtime loss to the Saints. Why? Because it didn’t work (and I had money on the Falcons). Screw you, Smith!

But I’ve tried to put that behind me and look at this game objectively.

On one hand, we have the Titans. Hot off a huge win in Carolina, where Chris Johnson finally woke up, the defense showed its worth against a dangerous Panthers attack, the QB stayed solid and rookie receiver (Damian Williams) continued his emergence as a viable go-to target.

On the other hand, we have the Falcons, and a coach WHO WENT FOR IT FROM HIS OWN 30-YARD LINE!

Screw you, Smith. Rich’s pick: Tennessee

Seattle @ St. Louis (-2.5)
These two teams last met in the Super Bile, which is a name I just made up. It was Week 17 of last year and the 6-9 Seahawks battled the 7-8 Rams for the NFC West title and a playoff spot. It was sad to witness, like watching your dog make its last athletic leap into the car before you take him to the vet to be euthanized.

Now both teams have no shot at making the playoffs, and gambling on this game should be left strictly to professionals. This contest has a rancid stink rising from of it, the kind of funk that you don’t want to get used to, because once you do, you know you’ve officially become a degenerate. They should only televise this game in Old Vegas, OTBs and Port Authorities. Nick’s Pick: Seahawks

San Diego @ Chicago (-3.5)
Football stats are funny. In baseball, if your team batting average is .285, it means you have a really good hitting team. If you’re first in the league in home runs, it means you have a lot of power in your lineup. In football, if you’re 6^th in the league in passing yards allowed, that should mean you have a good pass defense, right? 

But what if that same defense is allowing the 3^rd highest opponent passer rating in the league? 

What if that same defense allows opposing quarterbacks to complete 64.3% of their passes, 4^th highest in the NFL? 

What if that same defense has allowed 17 touchdowns through the air, 4^th most in the NFL, with just nine picks while only sacking the quarterback 18 times (8^th fewest)? 

What if that same defense got shredded last Thursday night at home by Carson Palmer, who has about as strong an arm as Tim Wakefield?

Doesn’t sound too good, does it? Ladies and gentlemen, the 2011 San Diego Chargers. Rory’s Pick: Bears

Philadelphia @ NY Giants (-5) 
Give me a division game with a spread higher than three, and I’ll typically take the underdog. Especially in a rivalry as intense as Eagles/Giants.

Crazy things happen within the division. Those games are always ripe for an upset. In which case, what the hell? Take the points. It’s win-win. No, wait. Still win-lose. But still worth a shot.

However, there’s one amendment to this rule: If said underdog is on the road with a quarterback who can’t walk, a wide receiver who doesn’t know how to work an alarm clock and a coach who believes that the two minute drill is best run in five, I’m taking the home team. Rich’s pick: Giants.

Kansas City @ New England (-12)
Due to Matt Cassel's hand injury, the Chiefs are starting Tyler Palko at quarterback. Since going undrafted after leaving Pitt in 2007, Palko has worked for six different franchises. He’s been waived by the Saints. He’s been released by the Montreal Alouettes. In 2009, the California Redwoods of the UFL cut him during preseason. I didn’t think that was possible. That’s like being kicked out of Applebees for not wearing a blazer.

If Andre Carter and the rest of the defensive line stays hot, Palko will be rushed into so many poor decisions that he might make the Patriots secondary look adequate. Who knows, Palko could even be pulled before Jon Gruden has a chance to give him a stupid nickname. "This guy! He knows how to cower! I call those guys 'Armadillos!'" Nick’s Pick: Patriots

Until next week.

On Tuesday, turn to the W Boston for its Fashion Next presentation featuring Bibhu Mohapatra, a youthful designer with previous experience designing for Halston and J. Mendel. The Fashion Next program was designed by W Hotels Global Fashion Director, Jenne Lombardo, to support emerging designers. In this 3rd season, they're recognizing Mohapatra, Yara Flinn of Nomia, Juan Carlos Obando, Michael Angel, Leana Zuniga of Electric Feathers and Laurence Cooper and Joshua Cooper of Rochambeau.

The designers travel to various W Hotels for trunk shows and other collaborations, and this time around it's Mohapatra's turn to take on Boston. He'll be invigorating the Hub (just as we're preparing for hibernation mode) with his elegant eveningwear designs inspired by his Indian heritage and upbringing. Seats are limited so RSVP now for a first-hand look at global fashion gone glam.

W Lounge | W Boston |100 Stuart St., Boston | 617-261-8700 | starwoodhotels.com

RSVP to wbostonrsvp@whotels.com

Current Slack Lines standings:
Comcast’s Rich “The Destroyer” Levine: 14-12-1
The Improper’s Nick “The Damager” Altschuller: 12-14-1
WEEI’s Rory “The Inconvenience” Duyon: 8-19

Man, that Chargers game last night was something. Right when you think Philip Rivers has found every way to blow a game, he finds a new way to ruin San Diego’s day. Just a virtuoso performance. He’s like the Rory Duyon of the NFL.

On to the picks!

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati (+3)
The AFC’s current No. 1 seed will be lucky to make the playoffs. It’s hurts me to say that because the Bengals are an easy team to root for. They’ve killed the drama of the last two seasons, turned their ginger-headed rookie into a hero and have one of the league’s most impressive Ds. But I’m sorry; they’re not for real.

Six wins: Browns, Bills, Jaguars, Colts, Seahawks and Titans.

Two losses: Broncos and 49ers

They have a great record, but have amassed victories against one of the weakest schedules in the league. And on Sunday, shit gets serious.

After the Steelers, the Bengals go to Baltimore, get a quick break with Browns but then head to Pittsburgh and the host the Texans. Four games against the AFC’s best in a five-week span.

Enjoy 6-2 while you can, Cincy. It’s about to get ugly. Rich’s pick: Steelers

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (+3)
I was on the West Coast last weekend and went to the Stanford v. Oregon State game. This gave me a chance to do some advance scouting on Stanford QB Andrew Luck. In my professional opinion, he’s very good at throwing the ball and winning football games. (I have no idea how scouts do their job.)

Tragically, Luck is going to end up being a Colt unless another NFL squad doesn’t step it up and suck.

Come on, Jacksonville. Take one for the team. We all know you’re an accidental pregnancy of a franchise. Your city is so devoid of culture that it makes a trip to downtown Indianapolis feel like a stroll down the Champs-Élysées. The toothless gulf fisherman of Escambia county wouldn’t deign enter your city limits for fear of being associated with such commoners. Just take a dive. Give your existence from meaning for once.

Whoa. Deep breath. I apologize. I guess I just didn’t realize how bad I want the Colts to continuing being horrific. But seriously, win this game and I’ll burn down the Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville. I’d probably be doing you a favor. Nick’s Pick: Colts

New Orleans @ Atlanta (+1)
After a pretty underwhelming 2-3 start, the Falcons are starting to click. Matt Ryan now has two stud wideouts instead of having to rely just on Roddy White and Michael Turner looks strong. More importantly, their defense is suddenly playing with a purpose. The Falcons allowed 26 points and 383 yards of offense per game in the first five weeks of the season. In their last three games, they’re allowing just 13.3 points and 272 yards. The Saints defense on the other hand will suffer if Jonathan Vilma and Tracy Porter aren’t healthy enough to go on Sunday.    

By the way is there any chance Michael Turner could bring the Dirty Bird back? Who wouldn’t be in favor of this? I’d also love to see the Icky Shuffle make a comeback, but I think I’m getting greedy. Michael Turner, you need to make this happen. Rory’s Pick: Falcons

Houston @ Tampa Bay (+3)
The Texans have the second best rush attack in the NFL. The Bucs have the league’s 26^th ranked rush defense—but that was BEFORE they signed Albert Haynesworth!

However, aside from the two or three plays when Haynesworth decides to try, the Bucs will still have all sorts of trouble stopping the Texans ground game, and that could be the difference maker.

BUT for the second straight week, I’m throwing logic to the wind and taking Tampa with the points.

They still have a solid home field advantage, Josh Freeman’s getting healthier and really, their season’s on the line. With a loss the Bucs drop to 4-5 and can kiss any shot at the playoffs goodbye. I don’t think they’re ready for that. Rich’s pick: Bucs

NY Giants @ San Francisco (-3.5)
I feel like the Giants becoming a serious contender again is evidence that God is punishing me for something. I have no idea what I did, but to clear the air, here are some things I should probably admit:

This is the second day in a row I’ve worn this pair of underwear...pants, too, actually.

I will go much longer than could be considered “hygienic” before cleaning my sheets.

I really like the movie Notting Hill. And I also don’t see what the big deal is with The Godfather.

I have said, “This pinot needs to breathe,” and not in an ironic fashion.

I stole a Gobot from Luke Glicksman in kindergarten.

Whew. Actually that last one felt good. That was probably it. Nick’s Pick: 49ers

Baltimore @ Seattle (+6.5)
There’s a Family Guy episode where Peter Griffin takes his infant son Stewie to his first baseball game. At the game, Stewie catches a foul ball and offers it to the kid sitting next to him in exchange for his souvenir bat. The kid agrees, and as soon as the trade is made, Stewie whacks the kid in the head with the bat, takes the ball back and asks his unconscious neighbor, “What did you learn?”

The Ravens have beaten me senseless twice. I’ve picked them as a six point favorite AT Tennessee and AT Jacksonville. The results? A 26-13 loss to the Titans and a 12-7 loss to the Jaguars. There is no possible way I can pick the Ravens…even if the alternative is going with a team that has scored two touchdowns in the past month…ugh…I hate this game. Rory’s Pick: Seahawks
[Editor’s Note: I love making Rory pick Ravens games.]

Detroit @ Chicago (-3)
Coming off their biggest win of the season, the Bears now prepare for… the biggest game of their season.

The question is this: Did they leave it all on the field in Philly? Is there anyway the Bears—honestly, not that great of a team to begin with—can come off such an emotional win and maintain the momentum against a very good Lions squad?

Being at home will help. So does the fact that Jahvid Best still isn’t ready for action. But in the end, I think this is a statement game for the Lions, especially on defense.

They drive Cutler crazy and come home with the win. Rich’s pick: Lions

New England @ NY Jets (-1.5)
I already know three things that are going to happen during this game:

1. Plaxico Burress (nine catches and three TDs in the last two games) will score a huge touchdown off a corner route. Probably while Phillip Adams falls on his face behind him in the end zone.

2. LaDainian Tomlinson will look oh-so-friggin’ pleased with himself at some point, and it’s going to make me want to throw a barstool through the nearest big screen.

3. I will admit fault and cut a check to the bar owner for the price of said big screen, ‘cause I can be emotionally unstable, but I’m always honest.

The good news for the Pats is that while their pass defense is so bad it’s ranked 37^th out of 32 teams, the Jets are still predominantly a running team, and New England’s rush defense is good for eighth in the league. (The Jets, on the other hand, are ranked 21^st.)

If the Pats can help Shonn Green revert back to being a fantasy football hemorrhoid, and Wes Welker can continue his success against Darrelle Revis (5 catches for 124 yards in Week 5), I think the Pats win this one outright.

PS- Revis Island is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad nickname. Nick’s Pick: Patriots

Minnesota @ Green Bay (-13.5)
Does anybody else see the striking resemblance between Christian Ponder and Tony Perkis from Heavyweights?

The Packers have destroyed everyone in their path this season as they’ve reached the halfway point with an unblemished record. But in this game, the Vikings don’t need to blemish the record, they just need to come within 13 points of doing so. That’s an awful lot against a division rival in primetime.

It’s funny to listen to Patriots fans around here complain about the Pats’ defense and then turn around and talk about how good the Packers are. Green Bay is allowing opponents to convert on third down 44% of the time…same as New England. They’re ranked second to last in pass yards allowed per game…second only to New England. I’m not saying the Patriots defense is good, I’m just saying the Packers might not be as good as you think. 

Also, the Vikings are coming off a bye week, and they might not be as bad as you think. Since switching to the Perkisystem, the Vikes have shown some life, and now they’ve had an extra week of practice to get on the same page. Ponder has been productive, but I don’t know if he’s been popular. On Wednesday he announced to his team, “lunch has been canceled due to lack of hustle…deal with it” Rory’s Pick: Vikings

Until next week.

Next week, London comes calling. On Nov. 14, Sells & Co. teams up with British designer Charlotte Ronson (now based in New York) for an exclusive look at her spring line. Her designs have been sported by all of fashion's hippest it-girls, from Blake Lively and Nicole Richie to Joy Bryant and Kate Moss.

As seen on the runways of New York Fashion Week, Ronson's latest collection features floaty silhouettes, fun florals, punchy bright hues and bold citrus shades. See the designer and her wares up close when she comes to Red Lantern Monday night.

Get tickets (and learn about pricing and packages) here and get geared up for the big night. It will feature a VIP reception with Charlotte herself from 6:30-8:30 pm, general admission from 8-9 pm and a runway show at 9 pm, plus hors d'oeuvres and cocktails by Double Cross Vodka.

Red Lantern | 39 Stanhope St., Boston | $20-$300 | charlotteronson.eventbrite.com

Are you a comedian who sings or a singer who’s funny?

I’m a comedian first and a musician, like, seventh. Although I don’t know what the six things between those would be. I’m trying to fuse music and comedy because I think that, in general, music is dominated by serious thoughts.

What’s the deal with the album you’ve been talking about on Twitter?

I wanted to do an album that was a little bit outside of my comfort zone. The music is still funny, but it’s more focused. It’s a little pop but half musical theater.

And you’re planning on releasing it for free?

Yeah, I figured if I did that, people can’t be angry with me for things that I say. It’s also a way of getting back to my roots. I started online for free, so it’s a way of saying thank you.

Do you worry about offending people?

When I was younger, I was probably more offensive than I am now. You can be edgy to be funny, and people are entitled to be offended. The only people who really find me offensive anyway are uptight, bourgeois yuppies.

What distinguishes a Boston audience?

Well, five years ago I would’ve said girls in black leggings and a North Face, but that disease has spread across the country. Boston has always been a great comedy city. It’s built on everybody being an a**hole.

Are you worried that fame achieved at such a young age won’t last?

I don’t expect it to. A life of touring doesn’t seem incredibly appealing to me. I’m very lucky to be able to dedicate so much time to refining my performances right now, but very rarely does that last.

What’s the story behind your new MTV show?

I read a poll that asked kids what they wanted to be when they grew up, and most of them said “famous.” So I created a scripted comedy called Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous, about a kid who graduates from high school and tries to do just that. I’m completely in tune with the irony in my own career. Basically it’s the same thing as a heroin addict doing a documentary while still on heroin.

Current Slack Lines standings:
Comcast’s Rich “Battle Axe” Levine: 13-10-1
The Improper’s Nick “The Dagger” Altschuller: 11-12-1
WEEI’s Rory “Safety Scissors” Duyon: 6-18

I’m at the airport now, about to head to the West Coast. Tomorrow I’ll be at the Stanford vs. Oregon State game to do some advance scouting on future Colts or Dolphins quarterback Andrew Luck.

I think I’m going to bet heavy on the Beavers, just so I can get used to the feeling of hating this kid.

No time to dally, so let’s move on to the picks!

San Francisco @ Washington (+3.5)
I’m ready for the 49ers to be relevant again, but I’m not happy that their first playoff team in nine years is going to be led by Alex Smith. Smith has thrown exactly two 300-yard games in 57 career starts. Even breaking 200 yards is an excuse to celebrate. Watching Smith play quarterback is as exciting as watching the paint on a portrait of growing grass dry—while listening to the museum’s audio tour read by Henry Kissinger on ludes.

Frank Gore is fun to watch, though, and last week he passed Roger Craig for second on the 49ers career-rushing list. Who’s at the top? Joe Perry. Yes, THAT Joe Perry.

 
(No, not this Joe Perry.)

The actual Joe Perry played from 1948 to 1963. I’m sorry, if someone who wore a leather helmet and smoked unfiltered Chesterfields between downs still holds any of your team records, you have failed as a franchise. Nick’s Pick: Redskins

New York Jets @ Buffalo (-1.5)
As I’m typing this, my roommate is watching The Top 40 One Hit Wonders of the ’90s on VH1, an it’s dawned on me that this is the biggest game the Bills have played since the song “Get What You Give” by New Radicals was popular. (Number nine on the countdown...I love that song).

The Bills haven’t made the playoffs in over a decade, and this is looking like their chance to get back. Assuming the Patriots get in with 12 to 13 wins, it seems unlikely that both the Bills AND Jets will join them, so they need a win to enter the second half of the season with a decent cushion.

Oh my God, I just learned that the lead singer of Semisonic wrote “Someone Like You” for Adele. We’ve got to stop him before he strikes again. (Sorry, I really shouldn’t be watching TV while I write, as you can see by 6-18 record.)

Let’s go with New York. At least this time when I lose it comes at Rex Ryan’s expense. Rory’s Pick: Jets

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-8)
The Saints probably felt pretty good about themselves after dropping 63 points on Indy. They probably felt they could walk (or in Sean Payton’s case, limp) into St. Louis and do the same.

Instead, they lost to the Rams. AJ Feely’s Rams.

I don’t think that game ultimately proved much about the Saints. In the same way dropping 63 on the Colts didn’t make them Super Bowl favorites, one bad loss to an inspired team (with a crowd still high off of World Series fumes) doesn’t remove them from the list of NFC contenders.

The Bucs come to New Orleans fresh off the bye week, two weeks removed from their trip to London and frustrating loss the Bears. It seems like this has been a lost season for the Bucs, especially given the expectations coming in, but somehow they only find themselves a half-game back from the Saints in the NFC South. And now that LeGarrette Blount is healthy and Josh Freeman has had some time to clear his head, the Bucs will be ready to spar against the Saints (who they beat three weeks ago) in the Superdome (where they won last year).

This is going to be a closer contest than Vegas thinks. Rich’s Pick: Bucs

Cincinnati @ Tennessee (-3)
I was watching SportsCenter this morning, and after a penalty kick in some MLS game no one cares about, the analyst stated, “They nailed it in the coffin, as they say.”

Oh my God, no one says that! And if they did, I would want them behind four feet of concrete and an electric razor-wire fence made from crystallized spider venom. (Or I’d at least want some anti-bacterial gel handy if I met them at a cocktail party.)

On a related note, I think Chris Johnson’s performance against the Colts last week was the last nail in the coffin for his season. That hurts, ‘cause he’s on my fantasy team. I just hope that doesn’t give Mark Schlereth an excuse to desecrate the man’s corpse. Schlereth seems like another ESPN guy easily confused by colloquialisms. Nick’s Pick: Bengals

Denver @ Oakland (-8)
Tim Tebow’s comeback against the Dolphins was quickly forgotten when the Lions absolutely demolished the Broncos last week. It looks like Josh McDaniels really screwed things up in Denver. It would have been one thing to draft Tim Tebow in the third or fourth round, but to trade up and take him in the first?

Look, I want to see Tebow succeed just like everybody else, but it looks more and more like that’s not going to happen, so what does John Fox do? Get it over with and give the people what they want: Play the man until it becomes painfully obvious to every last believer that he just doesn’t have it. Maybe he has a couple more moments of brilliance against other horrible teams, but people will figure it out. 

So you can see that as much as I would like to have faith in Tim Tebow, I just don’t. So who is Denver playing again on Sunday? Oh, Carson Palmer? Rory’s Pick: Broncos

Green Bay @ San Diego (+5.5)
As a Patriots fan, I’ve always despised the Chargers.

But I’ve personally always liked Philip Rivers.

While Norv Turner was the moron who couldn’t keep his team in line, and LT was the wussified front-runner who always disappeared when it matter most, Rivers was the gritty QB who kept the Chargers together. And for that, I guess I should have hated him even more. But for some reason, I always respected him. Rivers transcended the rivalry.

Yeah, that’s it.

But now that Rivers has fallen into this mental and physical abyss (too much time around Norv can do that), the Chargers running backs are more banged up than LT in the second half of a playoff game, and the mighty Packers are cruising into town, there’s not much reason to back the Chargers. And I don’t. Rich’s Pick: Packers

NY Giants @ New England (-8.5)
The Patriots give up an average of 323 passing yards per game. That’s 34 yards more than the second-worse pass defense in the league. Even a crappy team like the Seahawks—who start a rookie, a man they found at the bus station and the lucky fan seated in section 212, row 11, seat 9 in their backfield—only give up 237 yards. The Pats D is the stuff of Alex Smith’s wet dreams.

Expect to hear a lot of references to 18-1, “The Helmet Catch,” and Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning during this broadcast. It’s going to feel like Phil Simms is intentionally antagonizing you, and you’re going to find Jim Nance more repugnant than usual. The good news is, that kind of battering has to bring some kind of karmic comeuppance. Yeah! I sweet, regular season victory! That’ll make all the pain go away. Nick’s Pick: Patriots

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-3)
More often than not, when a team thrashes a competitive division rival, the team on the wrong end of the blowout comes back with a vengeance in round two.

In Week 1 this season, the Ravens beat the Steelers like Drago beat Creed in Rocky IV. I’d look for the Steelers to come out fired up on Sunday night. Not convinced? Perhaps I should remind you: Joe Flacco sucks. That is all. Rory’s Pick: Steelers

Chicago @ Philadelphia (-7.5)
Dream Team, unite!

After weeks of disjointed play and a locker room that was more scattered than the crumbs on Andy Reid’s desk, the Eagles finally look like a team that’s, dare I say, dreamy?

No, I don’t dare. But the Eagles do look better, and they know they have to keep it up if they want fight off the disastrous tone that that defined the beginning of their season.

I expect the Patriots to beat the Giants on Sunday, which will leave the Eagles one win shy of pulling within a game of the first place Giants. As if anyone needed extra motivation to beat Jay Cutler. Rich’s Pick: Eagles

Until next week.

In this ‘fish or cut bait economy’, its almost certain that any entrepreneurial venture would sooner be washed ashore than hooked.  But such is not the case with New England-based startups Harding-Lane and Knot Belt Co., who have us reaching into our coveted closets for their fun pieces.

Sarah and Steve Gifford, the brainchildren behind Harding-Lane, knew they had something special when they launched their original needlepoint hat.  With washed tones and an adjustable strap made from sailing vinyl, the eco-friendly hat is fittingly adorned with various needlepoint designs, from mallards to lobsters.  “There’s just something so right about creating something so iconically Boston” says Steve of their venture, “it’s so rewarding the response and support we’ve gotten from people, strangers, friends, family.” The duo gives  a percentage of profits to locally funded environmental organizations in hopes of supporting the area they call home.

Tonight, they partner with Knot Belt Co., a three-years-young grosgrain belt clothier who are also looking to bring a sense of prepdom back to the belt loops of Bostonians.  Using 100% local materials, founder Nick Mannella, has put his quirkily charming personality into all of his products.  Their ‘oyster shooters’ d-ring is the perfect mix of classic and whimsy, using rifles and oyster shells to deliver the message that sometimes apparel is allowed to be a little ‘knotty’.

The Tennis & Racquet Club of Boston, whose dated walls have held local ‘aristocracy’ young and old, will open the doors of its Hamlen Room this Friday for a trunk show provided by Knot Belt Co., Harding-Lane and the iconic menswear company Bonobos.  Boasting a ‘perfect fitting pant’, Bonobos became a huge entrepreneurial success overnight and has had a cult following of businessmen everywhere ever since.

Peruse the natty wares from 5-11 pm at the Tennis & Racquet Club of Boston. Celebrate your 20% discount with a drink at the open bar, offering a toast to new talent and classic fashion.

Kathleen Godbold is an editorial intern at The Improper Bostonian and student of broadcast journalism at Suffolk University. She is a prepster in both head and heart, and she's an essential ingredient for fun, stylish rackets everywhere.

Look for Dean Wareham to dip into the songbook of his beloved former Boston band Galaxie 500 with partner Britta Phillips during Thursday’s TargetCancer benefit at Royale.

All proceeds from the concert, which also features Grant-Lee Phillips and Will Dailey & the Rivals, go to TargetCancer, a Boston non-profit founded by the late Paul Poth that raises research funding and awareness for rare cancers.

Dean & Britta will perform a semi-acoustic set that touches on duo material (their latest offers music for silent Andy Warhol films) as well as songs by their previous band Luna and Galaxie 500. Grant-Lee Phillips may be best known for his former outfit Grant-Lee Buffalo. But he’s since crafted fine solo albums (among them Virginia Creeper, my favorite) and headlines the concert with a band -- as will local product Dailey.

It’s a rich, nicely balanced bill with local roots that’s worth the $25 admission even apart from the worthy cause. Poth was a huge music fan, and in addition to the concert (and a silent auction/cocktail party before the show), donations for TargetCancer are also raised through Right Track: Tunes to TargetCancer. That service offers downloads of artists including the David Wax Museum, Melissa Ferrick and Weezer.

Has your show evolved since you recorded the album of the same name?

The live show is really very different. The album was recorded during a one-off night in San Francisco. Now I’m touring with a full band and there are bigger pieces. I tied the titles together for continuity, but this is definitely a unique entity.

Does acting overlap with comedy?

I consider myself to be a performer and an entertainer. There’s comedy, music, burlesque. A show like this feeds everything that I do, and it’s all connected.

Is there pressure being a gay icon?

I have high expectations for myself, so there’s pressure from that. I mean, really, I feel a great amount of delight to be able to perform for people who’ve been fans.

What surprises people about you?

Most people don’t know that I sing, or that I’m good at it. I take music very seriously.

How can you change the opinion of an audience that is not receiving your show the way you’d like?

The type of shows that I do take the audience on a journey that oftentimes they aren’t expecting. You have to coax them to trust you by playing to them. Part of that is disconnecting from the stuff in your own life that is holding you back.

Has your act softened as you’ve aged?

I’ve gotten warmer in my life in general as I’ve aged. That was a very conscious decision. As you age, you either close down or you open up.

How has social media changed what it’s like to be a celebrity?

I don’t look at myself as a celebrity. I look at myself as an artist. I think Twitter is great because it’s a constant way to put stuff out there that may or may not have made it into my show.

What do you say to someone who’s just starting out?

If you don’t have something unique to offer, go find yourself before you start sharing.       

Heading into the midpoint of the NFL season, our current Slack Lines standings read:

Comcast’s Rich “The Hurricane” Levine: 10-10-1
The Improper’s Nick “The Tropical Storm” Altschuller: 9-11-1
WEEI’s Rory “The Drizzle” Duyon: 5-16

Yesterday I spoke with Rory, and I tried to figure out the reason for his hilarious failure. Turns out he’s trying. Rookie mistake.

If you let logic dictate your choices, you’re going to end up in a hole you may never dig yourself out of. And by that, I mean if Rory doesn’t get lucky fast, he could find himself:

a) too far behind Rich and I to ever catch up, or
b) digging his own shallow grave by the Quincy Quarries.

Honestly, probably both.

On a sunnier note, we have Tim Thomas on next week’s cover. Turns out he eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before every game. I do that before my weekly basketball league. That’s amazing. We’re like twins in how successful, athletic and handsome we are. 

But before I write Slack Lines, I drink two cups of coffee sweetened with crushed Benzedrine. I’m like Jack Kerouac, except my addiction is fake gambling. And I’m smart enough to know that apple pie and ice cream is no kind of a meal. Sure, Kerouac drank until his liver became a sack of raspberry jam, but I gotta think that a vitamin deficiency had something to do with his passing.

On to the picks!

Miami @ NY Giants (-10)
I watched a pretty good chunk of the Dolphins loss to the Broncos last week thanks to NFL Red Zone. Miami is so bad that even when they were winning it was only because Tim Tebow was horrendous for most of that game. The Broncos would have been better off with 51-year-old John Elway under center.

The Giants are at home, in first place and coming off a bye week. Conventional wisdom tells us that teams are strong, fresh and well prepared after a week off. Well, so far this season, teams coming off a bye are 3-9 outright, 4-7-1 against the spread, and they’ve been outscored 247-181. 

I’ve done very few things right with my picks this season, but one of my five wins happened when I said the Bucs weren’t good enough to be favored by 10 over anybody (they beat Indy by seven in Week 4). That rationale is good enough for me, especially after watching the G-Men choke at home against the Seahawks with this same point spread (and knocking both Nick and me out of our survivor pool). 

With a preemptive “screw you” to Eli Manning for pounding the Dolphins 35-3 this weekend, Rory’s Pick: Dolphins

Indianapolis @ Tennessee (-8.5)
If there’s anyone in the league having a more disappointing season than the Colts collective, it’s Chris Johnson. Hard to run with $30 million guaranteed in your wallet? Maybe he and Laurence Maroney switched bodies during the lockout? Hey, if it worked for Reynolds and Bateman, right? Right? 

Anyway, it’s hard to believe that Johnson’s already washed up, but this week will put that theory to the test. If he can’t break out against the Colts, who rank 31st in the NFL in rush defense, he’s cooked.

In which case, maybe it’s time to give Mr. Maroney a call. Rich’s pick: Titans

Jacksonville @ Houston (-9.5)
I want to like Blaine Gabbert, but that first name is really throwing me off. I’ve just never met a good Blaine. I knew one in school. He was the kind of guy who would wink at you for no reason, like he was trying to sell you a car or just biding his time before the roofie he put in your drink kicked in.

Doing a little research into my distrust—because at least I’m a jerk who does his homework—I found that Blaine actually means yellow in Gaelic. That’s not a name for a leader of men! Plus, it turns out that Blaine is the guy Barbie left Ken for. Homewrecker! They even kind of look alike.  

I’ll admit, they’re both dreamy, but for Ken’s sake: Nick’s Pick: Texans

Washington @ Buffalo (-6)
Two fun facts that I JUST learned and in no way, shape or form helped me pick this game:

1. Ryan Fitzpatrick and John Beck have known each other since they kids growing up in Arizona. I’m sure Beck’s blood boils every time his mother says, “Why couldn’t you be more like that Fitzpatrick boy? He went to Harvard.”

2. Since beating the Bills in Super Bowl XXVI, the Redskins are 0-5 against the Bills, having been outscored 137-71. In fact, the Skins are the only team in the NFL that hasn’t beaten Buffalo since February of 1992.

I’ve picked 12 games this year where the spread has been six points or more, and the underdog has covered eight times. Rory’s Pick: Redskins

Detroit @ Denver (+3)
Matthew Stafford’s knee is getting better, but there’s no way he’ll be 100 percent when the Lions take the field in Denver.

OK, now I’m just thinking out loud here, but if Tim Tebow is really whom people say he is, wouldn’t this be the perfect time to lend a hand to a fellow QB? Maybe use a smidge of those healing powers? Listen, I’m not saying he needs to entirely cure Stafford, but even 90 percent would be an improvement. It would be a great act of sportsmanship from a supposedly great man.

I don’t know, maybe Tebow’s saving the miracles for pre-game, but as of right now, I’m seriously starting to doubt this whole Tebow is Jesus thing.

In fact, I’ll just come out and say it: I don’t think it’s him. Rich’s pick: Lions

Cleveland @ San Francisco (-9)
The controversy over the Jim Harbaugh-Jim Schwartz handshake went on for far too long, but the power of mano-a-mano contact should not be discounted.

I’m paranoid about handshakes. You know those handshakes where the other person clamps down on your fingers before you’ve had a chance to fully insert yourself in their grip? God, that’s humiliating. If I’m unprepared for a handshake and accidently give someone the dead fish, it eats at me for days. Don’t even try and high-five me, because I’ll make things awkward for everyone in the room.

I bet Harbaugh is a classic over-squeezer. That can be very emasculating. Schwartz was probably just chasing him down the field looking for a do-over. Nick’s Pick: Niners

New England @ Pittsburgh (+3)
You know the forced small talk with co-workers that everybody hates?  “How was your weekend?” “Low key, same old.” You only do it because it’s better than awkward silence. If only everybody had a Rob Gronkowski in their office to make this a little more fun for everyone.

Much has been made about Gronk’s interaction with adult film star Bibi Jones over the bye week. What he does off the field is his business, but Ms. Jones is no stranger to professional athletes. I’m wondering if her “friends” have performed better or worse on the field, diamond, rink, swimming pool, gym, badminton court, ping-pong table, track or pit after making her acquaintance. Was she “bumpin Ugglas” with the Braves second basemen when he was struggling with a .185 average in the first half of last season, or was it in the second half when he hit .296 with 21 home runs?

I don’t think Gronk’s pictures with Bibi were a big deal. She wanted to pose with his jersey on because she thought it was a funny coincidence that 87 was her number as well as his. No, I’m sure 20-year-old “actress” eclipsed 87 sometime during the 2010 pennant race

The Pats have beaten the hell out of some pretty scary Steeler teams in recent history. Despite the 5-2 record, there is nothing scary about this group. Their five wins have come against teams with a combined record of 8-24, and their turnover ratio is worst in the NFL at -9. Rory’s Pick: Patriots

Dallas @ Philadelphia (-3.5)
The Eagles are undefeated (12-0) coming off a bye week during Andy Reid’s tenure. The Cowboys are undefeated (1-0) in games started by running back DeMarco Murray. On Sunday night, the ceiling caves in on one of these heralded records.

Which one? The answer comes down to Romo. 

I don’t care how badly the Eagles are struggling, when Romo’s on the road, especially in such a high-pressure, historic rivalry, you always take the other guy. Always. Rich’s pick: Eagles (Seriously, always.)

San Diego @ Kansas City (+4)
The Chiefs have won three in a row, but those three victories came against the Vikings (1-6), the Colts (0-7) and the Raiders, who were forced to start Kyle Boller at quarterback. Boller promptly threw three interceptions before being yanked to the sidelines, where he began throwing his feces like a howler monkey. I think we’ve seen the last of Mr. Boller.

Last week, the Chargers pissed off every Patriots fan—which they love to do—by blowing a big lead against the Jets. Just a classic Chargers performance.

We’ve all read this script before. The Chargers will now destroy a division opponent, further solidifying their playoff chances. They’ll rip off a string of victories; experts will pronounce them serious Super Bowl contenders; Philip Rivers will be discussed as an MVP candidate—then we’ll get to the playoffs and San Diego will crap themselves like a benched Kyle Boller. Money in the bank. Nick’s Pick: Chargers

Until next week.

With snow hitting some spots of the Bay State yesterday, we're--like it or not--in the full-on run-up to the holiday season. Thankfully, whether you're shopping for lucky loved ones or in the market for some self-soothing sparkle, Louis is making it easy with a stellar line-up of trunk shows.

Jewelry designer Christine Greene kicks it off this weekend with her show-stopping baubles. And there's only more to come. Check out the rest of the star-studded roster:

Oct. 29, 12-5 pm  Jewels from Christine Green ensure you'll take center stage at the season's holiday parties. No Lucy-and-Ethel disasters: no one else will have anything like it.

Nov. 3, 11 am-5 pm  Sartoria Partenopea's men's spring 2012 collection features made-to-measure Neapolitan tailoring.

Nov. 5, 11 am-3 pm  Brighter days are ahead! Catch a preview of first lady-friendly Jason Wu's spring/summer 2012 collection. 

Nov. 11-12  Sparkle in boho-chic wares from Atlanta-based jewelry duo Deux Filles.

Dec. 3  Massimo Bizzocchi from Kiton previews his latest menswear looks for dapper dudes seeking European polish.

Dec. 8  Find a striking signature piece--be it a ring, pendant or earrings--from Maud Jewelry's latest collection.

Dec. 10  Natty gentlemen will find tailored-to-perfection suits among the spring/summer 2012 offerings from Belvest.

Dec. 17  Look stone-cold stunning in custom Harriet Anthony jewels.

Once you're back from the waterfront, E-mail photos of your haul to lindsey@improper.com. Happy shopping!

Louis
60 Northern Ave., Boston | 617-262-6100 | louisboston.com

Behind the Scenes: Footloose Shoot from TheImproperB on Vimeo.

This greatest concert event of the fall (if not the year) happens this weekend -- and even if you can’t make it to California, you still have a chance to watch it live.

Dave Matthews, Arcade Fire, Foo Fighters, Eddie Vedder, Carlos Santana, Beck, Mumford & Sons, Norah Jones, Tony Bennett and Devendra Banhart will join Neil Young for his annual Bridge School concerts at the Shoreline Amphitheatre outside San Francisco to aid severely impaired children. And Saturday’s show (minus Foo Fighters and Bennett) will be Webcast on YouTube and Facebook starting at 7:30 p.m.

 Here are the links to stream:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SupportBridgeSchool

YouTube:  http://www.youtube.com/bridgebenefitconcert

 Even better, Monday marks the release of The Bridge School Benefit Concerts – 25^th Anniversary Edition, a three-DVD or two-CD package that captures many of the greats who have joined the event over the past quarter century. If you think this weekend’s lineup is stacked, consider Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam, the Who, Paul McCartney, Elton John, David Bowie and R.E.M. for starters (see list below). Proceeds from the DVD/CD sales go to the Bridge School.

 The novel thing about the Bridge Concerts other than the cause is that performers, for the most part, appear in an acoustic format that can be quite a change of pace. Say hello, Metallica and Sonic Youth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oO2Vz_AIdJE

The Bridge School Concerts 25th Anniversary Edition DVD:
Disc 1:
Bruce Springsteen                                 "Born In The USA"
Patti Smith                                           "People Have The Power"
Pearl Jam                                             "Better Man"
David Bowie                                          "Heroes"
Ben Harper                                           "There Will Be A Light"
Bob Dylan                                            "Girl From The North Country"
R.E.M.                                                 "Country Feedback"
Emmylou Harris & Buddy Miller                  "Love Hurts"
Fleet Foxes                                          "Blue Ridge Mountains"
Devendra Banhart                                 "At The Hop"
Bonnie Raitt                                         "The Road Is My Middle Name"
Billy Idol                                              "Rebel Yell"

Disc 2:
Brian Wilson                                          "Surfin' USA"
Gillian Welch                                          "The Way It Will Be"
The Pretenders                                     "Sense Of Purpose"
James Taylor                                        "Fire and Rain"
Simon and Garfunkel                               "America"
Tom Petty                                            "Shadow Of A Doubt"
Dave Matthews                                     "Too Much"
Neil Young                                            "Crime In The City"
Tom Waits                                            "16 Shells From A Thirty-Ought Six"
Elton John & Leon Russell                         "A Dream Come True"
Paul McCartney                                     "Get Back"
Metallica                                               "Disposable Heroes"
The Who                                               "Won't Get Fooled Again"   

Disc 3:
Bridge School Documentaries:
* "Backstage At The Bridge School Benefit Concert"
* "The Bridge School Story"
* Special Feature - Student/Artist Interviews

The Bridge School Concerts 25th Anniversary Edition CD
CD 1:
Bruce Springsteen                                  "Born In The USA"
Dave Matthews                                     "Too Much"
No Doubt                                              "Magic's In The Makeup"
Jack Johnson                                         "Gone"
Fleet Foxes                                            "Blue Ridge Mountains"
Neil Young & Crazy Horse                          "Love And Only Love"
Sonic Youth                                           "Rain On Tin"
Pearl Jam                                               "Better Man"
Gillian Welch                                            "The Way It Will Be"
R.E.M. & Neil Young                                "Country Feedback"
Willie Nelson                                          "The Great Divide"
Nils Lofgren                                            "Cry Just A Little"

CD 2:
Sarah McLachlan                                    "Elsewhere"
Paul McCartney                                      "Get Back"
Elton John & Leon Russell                         "A Dream Come True"
Band Of Horses                                      "Marry Song"
Metallica                                               "Disposable Heroes"
Thom Yorke                                           "After The Gold Rush"
Sheryl Crow                                           "The Difficult Kind"
Tony Bennett                                         "Maybe This Time"
CSNY                                                   "Déjà Vu"
Norah Jones                                           "Jesus, Etc"
Jonathan Richman                                    "I Was Dancing In The Lesbian Bar"
Brian Wilson                                            "Surfin' USA"
The Who                                                "Won't Get Fooled Again"

Current Slack Lines standings:
“Diamond” Nick Altschuller: 8-9-1
Rich “Bronze Age” Levine: 8-9-1
Rory “Itchy Sweater” Duyon: 4-12

As the weather this week proved, fall has finally arrived. Everything was gray, cold and wet. My early morning walks to work were like reenactments of The Road. I felt like I should find a little boy and share a precious Coca-Cola with him, then teach him how to blow his brains out should I be eaten alive by roving cannibals. (Yeah, not a feel-good picture.) 

But our slow descent into fall—or as I call it, that time of the year when goddamn everything is pumpkin flavored—also means we’re heading into the heart of football season. Each game means that much more. Each gambling loss is that much more painful. Sure, it’s going to start getting dark by 10:30 am, but the lights at NFL stadiums are shining bright.

So grab yourself some new Autumn Blast Tostitos and Pumpkin Smash salsa, and let’s move on to the picks!

San Diego @ NY Jets (+2)
This marks only the third time in 10 years that the Chargers have started a season 4-1, but before you get too excited (actually, why would you get excited, aren’t you a Pats fan?), let me tell you that San Diego’s record is a little deceiving.

Nay, a lot deceiving. Despite the impressive start, the Chargers have won their four games by a combined 25 points, against teams with a combined 4-17 record. Their only real test? Week 2 at New England, where San Diego—with a healthier roster than they have now—couldn’t hang with the Pats.

And now they head into the new Meadowlands against a Jets team that’s finally moving in the right direction and still in desperate need of a win? Give me the Jets with the points at home. Make it my Lock of the Week (which I’m now making a thing). Rich’s pick: Jets

Denver @ Miami (-1.5)
In order to get some insight into this game, I watched a clip from ESPN First Take. I then cried hot tears of blood. The mouths of Steven A. Smith and Skip Bayless are direct portals to the netherworld. They should never be in the same room together. If they were to touch, their combined pomposity would break mankind’s ability for rational thought and bring about an asinine apocalypse that not even Football Jesus could save us from. 

And while everyone is excited for Tim Tebow’s return to Florida, it looks to me like Dolphins QB Matt Moore might be ready for a resurgence of his own. People forget that in 2009, Moore took over Jake Delhomme’s job in Carolina (despite the fact that Delhomme had just signed a five-year, $42.5-million extension), and that he threw eight touchdowns and just one pick in the final five games of the season. In 2010, the Panthers were a trendy pick for the Super Bowl, but then Moore suffered a series of ugly mishaps (concussion, torn labrum, the existence of Jimmy Clausen).

I’m not saying Moore is going make it rain touchdowns on South Beach, but he knows what to do with the ball—which is chuck it at Brandon Marshall as much as possible (13 targets, 109 yards last week). With Brandon Lloyd traded, Tebow’s best receiver is now Eric Decker (2 catches for -2 yards in Tebow’s season debut). Nick’s Pick: Miami

Atlanta @ Detroit (-3.5)
In 2008, the trio of Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Michael Smith made their Falcons debut against the Lions. It went pretty well for Atlanta, but then again it went pretty well for the other 15 teams that played the Lions that season, too.

Yup, last week I counted on the Lions and they let me down against the 49ers, and now I’m making 0-16 jokes. See what you made me do? You think I like making fun you in front of the eight people that read this blog?

This game should tell us a lot about these teams, both of which are expected to play in January. Last week’s home loss may have been a good reality check for Detroit. I expect them to come out with guns blazing in this one, even if they’re without Jahvid Best. The Atlanta secondary is 27^th against the pass, and Calvin Johnson thinks that’s just swell. Rory's Pick: Lions

Kansas City @ Oakland (-4)
The only thing crazier than Carson Palmer starting at quarterback for the Raiders? With a win, the Chiefs will move to 3-3.

3-3? Wasn’t this one of the worst teams in the league BEFORE Jamaal Charles got injured? Weren’t they 15 minutes away from firing their coach? And now they’re on the doorstep of .500? Is it possible that these guys aren’t that bad. 

I’m not sure, but what I do know is this: Carson Palmer’s starting at quarterback for the Raiders

Al Davis lives! Rich’s pick: Chiefs

Green Bay @ Minnesota (-9)
Despite all their success, the Packers are ranked 31^st in the league against the pass. That is atrocious, and if they want to repeat as Super Bowl champs, they’ll need to figure that out before the end of the season. But this week, all they’ll need to figure out is how to crush the Vikings worse than they did last time (a 31-3 drubbing, the Vikings’ worst home loss to the Packers ever).

Rookie Christian Ponder is getting the start for Minnesota, so please allow me to list the last three quarterbacks to make their Vikings debut against the Packers and where those players are now:

Spergon Wynn, 2001: Security guard at Comic-Con.
Tavaris Jackson, 2006: The Seahawks bench, and “Smooth” Charlie Whitehurst’s hit list.
Brooks Bollinger, 2007: Retired, but CLEARLY editing his Wikipedia page.

“Bollinger was able to start for the Vikings in week 10 against the Packers, but after a terrible performance by the Vikings in a 0-34 loss, Bollinger was listed as the 2nd string quarterback”

“Bollinger had only been working with the Cowboys starting line for a week prior to the game. With heavy pressure by the Giants defensive line, his first pass play he threw an interception which contributed to one of the Giants touchdowns. As the Cowboys offensive line performed terribly, Bollinger was sacked a number of times in his next few drives.”

You’re retired, Brooks. Let it go. Nick's Pick: Packers

Pittsburgh @ Arizona (+3.5)
Hypothetically speaking, pretend you’re an NFL GM. How many quarterbacks would you be willing to pay $65 million over six years? Rodgers, Brady, Brees, Rivers, Roethlisberger... MAYBE Vick? I mean, that’s it, right?

This offseason, Arizona signed 27-year-old Kevin Kolb and his 194 career pass attempts to a six-year, $65 million deal. Who on Earth thought that was a good idea? It reminds me of when the Red Sox signed JD Drew to that ridiculous contract five years ago. In the time leading up to that deal I didn’t hear one local fan, media member or expert say they wanted Drew in Boston. The Sox did it anyway and ended up paying him $70 million, or $2 million per back injury.

Five games into the first of Kolb’s six years, he’s 22^nd in completion percentage, 28^th in passer rating, and he’s got six picks to just five touchdowns. The Cardinals aren’t going to be good anytime soon, but they’re hosting one of the most underwhelming Steelers teams in recent memory. Rashard Mendenhall looks like he’s running in quicksand, and that leaves Roethlisberger to carry them through the air, and he’s looking beat up just six games into the season. Only four more games until that precious bye week! I have to go with the home dog. Rory’s Pick: Cardinals

St. Louis @ Dallas (-12)
This is a special kind of test for Tony Romo. I mean, to this point, we’ve seen him blow games of all shapes and sizes. He’s done it at home, on the road, with interceptions, with fumbles, with botched snaps on field goals. If there’s a way to eff up a game, Romo’s effed its brains out. But this… oh man, this would be something. This would be the greatest achievement of Romo’s bizarre career.

At home, against a winless Rams team that will very likely start 34-year-old AJ Feeley?

I believe in you, Tony. God damn it, I believe in you. Rich’s Pick: Rams

Indianapolis @ New Orleans (-14)
Saints coach Sean Payton injured his leg last week in a sideline collision with tight end Jimmy Graham. During his recovery, Payton will have to do his coaching from the press box—which I gotta think is a pretty sweet deal. Let’s look at the breakdown:

Regular Coaching: Standing for three hours.
Press Box: Butt parked in kick-ass office chair. They probably have a shiatsu setting for all I know.

Regular Coaching: Your every move is broadcast to millions.
Press Box: Adjust that bulge all you want, buddy! There’s a desk in the way! BUT WATCH THAT NOSE PICKING.

Regular Coaching: Jogging the sidelines of the sweltering Superdome.
Press Box: Air-conditioned luxury. What’s that? Oh, sure, I’ll have another Pepsi from the mini fridge, thank you.

But oh knows! How will Payton inspire his troops from way up there? Delegation. Every good team has a crazy assistant coach. Offensive line coaches? Great yellers. Special teams coaches? Hilarious. They may not garner a lot of respect, but they’ve got everyone’s ear. My guess is that Peyton knows the right person to replace his presence on the field. And that person will pick his nose on camera. Rookie mistake! Nick’s Pick: Saints

Baltimore @ Jacksonville (+7.5)
I’ve picked the Ravens once this season as a road favorite, and it completely backfired, so it’s hard for me to get excited about them here. Then again, the alternative is the Jaguars. This is a team that has reached 20 points once all season; a team with six touchdowns in six games; a team starting a rookie quarterback completing less than half of his passes against one of the NFL’s defenses.    

Speaking of Blaine Gabbert and his miserable performance, a few buddies and I decided to do the Grantland Bad Quarterback League, and Gabbert has me firmly in second place. I plan to get some big points out of him this week. I hate picking against home dogs, ESPECIALLY playing in prime time, but aside from the one abomination at Tennessee, the Ravens have won their other four games by 28, 30, 17 and 15. Rory’s Pick: Ravens

Until next week.

The Low Anthem has built a sizable following for its sparse yet sonically adventurous indie-folk the past three years. But the Providence-based group surprised its fanbase last month by cryptically announcing on its Web site that its current tour, which slides into the Somerville Theatre Friday, will end this chapter of the Low Anthem.

Under the tagline “This is the Last One,” the Low Anthem expressed thanks for the ride along with a desire not to join artists who become “refined imitations of themselves.” So, the post noted, this will be the last tour devoted to material from the group’s first major records, 2008’s Oh My God, Charlie Darwin and this year’s Smart Flesh. However, by closing the post with lyrics from indie-folk peer Nathan Moore that said “This is the last one, the last one ever,” the future of the Low Anthem seemed less certain.

So, in a subsequent post, the band clarified, “WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP! We’ve been on the road for three years and it’s time to go home and cook up new sounds. This will be our last headliner tour for a while but no no no! not breaking up! More like cocooning.”

So guess we can just consider it a hiatus. But if you’re fond of the sounds that the Low Anthem has cooked up so far, we’ll see you at the Somerville Theatre.

POSTSCRIPT -- Talk about loving to perform. It’s hard to believe that the Low Anthem will take at least a year off from touring to make CDs and other projects, given Friday’s spill-out-to-the-sidewalk performance in Davis Square.

During the band’s relaxed, resonant and rambling show at the Somerville Theatre, singer/guitarist/keyboardist Ben Knox Miller noted how they’d played at the Occupy Boston site that day. And with a similar, irrepressible spirit, Miller and his Low Anthem brethren (including some musician friends and fans who’d sat it during the concert) carried it past curfew with a spontaneous sing-along of blues, folk and gospel nuggets in the park across the street. Check out some video from YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62dJ5DsJG9Q

http://www.lowanthem.com/site/updates/

Wedding dresses pulled for the shoot

Perfection!

Hair and makeup touch ups. Hair by  James Joseph Salon (http://www.jamesjosephsalon.com/) and makeup by Dianna Quagenti (http://www.diannaquagenti.com/).

Shooting on the roof-deck of XV Beacon (http://www.xvbeacon.com/)

Is it fair to compare Boston’s style to New York’s or L.A.’s?

Boston is definitely more conservative. It’s more oxfords and khakis. I’d call it contemporary but safe. There’s plenty of really well-dressed people in Boston, though. L.A. is more easy-going with lots of jersey and cotton, and then New York is just a wild card. You can’t compete with the emerging designers from all over the world in New York, or the women who dress for Bill Cunningham.

Why pursue a career in retail?

I’ve always been passionate about fashion, but retail isn’t something I really sought out. I had just moved back to New York and I was going to job interviews but I didn’t have any money and I really needed new clothes. I wandered into Second Time Around and didn’t even know it was a consignment store. I saw they were hiring and thought that if I got a job, I could get a discount and get clothes some professional clothes. And then I fell in love.

What was the most amazing thing to ever pass through your store?

There was an orange silk and wool blend Versace gown that has to have been kept in a museum. Of course it was my size, but it was $700, and I couldn’t afford it. And then it sold right away. It hurt.

What are the top three items that your customers ask for?

Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses, Chanel quilted handbags and Marni, Marni, Marni. Everything Marni, but mostly jackets. We can’t keep them in stock.

Are you worried about being edited to look like a bitch?

In general, I’m not someone who cares about my image, but I’m worried that people will think I’m too materialistic. There’s more to me than fashion, but I think that might be hard to see.

What’s the biggest misconception about consigning?

That everything is smelly, musty and old. Yes, many of our pieces are previously worn, but there’s also pieces that are resale from boutiques and are new with tags.

How do you choose what to take when a customer wants to consign?

If the first three pairs of pants aren’t exciting or they’re in bad condition, you know it’s just someone who wants to get rid of stuff. This is not the Salvation Army.

Does Ebay count as a consignment store?

Ebay is great for finding one-of-a-kind pieces. If you’re buying resale designer clothes, you want to meticulously inspect them before you buy. People are sketchy and try to sell defective pieces all the time. Also, if the price is really low, you might be getting a good deal, but you might be getting ripped off in the long run.

First order of business for Week 6: Congratulating the first winner of the Slack Lines home game.

That’s right. Jason Tibbetts of the Cambridge Athletic Club went 3-0 on his picks. I bet he feels like a big man, doesn’t he? Win a free T-shirt, and all of sudden Jason Tibbetts is a tough guy. Oh, I hope he’s reeeeeeeeal proud of himself.

If you’d like a chance to win a shirt and a false sense of confidence, send three picks to nick@improper.com or @altschuller. Beat the Slack Lines team, and I’ll send you some clothing that I promise is not infested with lice. (How you feeling now, Tibbetts?) 

Current Slack Lines standings:
The Improper/The KGB’s Nick Altschuller: 8-7
Comcast/The Red Shoe Diaries’ Rich Levine: 6-8-1
WEEI/Madame Tussauds’ Rory Duyon: 4-11

On to the picks!

Buffalo @ NY Giants (-3)
Last week, I selected the Giants in my survivor pool. After making the pick, I said, “Eli Manning is going to screw me.” Going to bed at night, I said, “Eli Manning is going to screw me.”  While leaning over my grandfather’s deathbed to hear his final words, I said, “Eli Manning is going to screw me—wait, what was that, grandpa? Grandpa?”

The idea became an incantation. So when Manning threw a pick-six from the Seattle five-yard line with just two minutes left in the game (ARGH! YOU WORTHLESS PUD!), I knew that I had basically willed it to happen.

Eli Manning will be bitten sewer rats. Eli Manning will be bitten sewer rats. Eli Manning will be bitten sewer rats. Nick’s Pick: Bills

San Francisco @ Detroit (-4)
My first reaction when I saw this line was, "Who got hurt?" I mean, did Megatron's dog die? Did Matthew Stafford get strep throat? Noooo, that wouldn't sideline an NFL player, right? (Looking at you, Peyton Hillis.)

I realize that the 49ers are a surprising 4-1, and I know they aren't simply preying on crappy NFC West competition, as proven with a win against Philadelphia and a blowout over Tampa Bay. But has anybody seen what the Lions have done to teams at Ford Field? Last Monday, Bears tight end Kellen Davis (five false starts) looked jumpier than Jennifer Love Hewitt in I Know What You Did Last Summer. 

It's hard to believe, but the Lions are for real, and the overachieving 49ers are due to be brought back to Earth. I’d go with Detroit favored by a full touchdown, and they’re only giving four? Sounds good to me. Rory’s Pick: Lions

St. Louis @ Green Bay (-15)
I’m pretty sure this team would win your fantasy league:
QB: Aaron Rodgers
RB: James Starks
RB: Ryan Grant
WR: Greg Jennings
WR: Jordy Nelson
WR: James Jones
TE: JerMichael Finley
FLEX: Donald Driver, John Kuhn or Randall Cobb
K: Mason Crosby
D: Green Bay D

Honestly, is your roster any better? And what’s more, I’d say (outside of keepers and one bitch of a bye week) that this all-Packers fantasy team would have been entirely achievable on Draft Day. You know, take Jennings and Rodgers with some combination of your first two picks, then fill out the rest as you go. 

Your buddies would have given you shit, but you’d also be 5-0. Rich’s Pick: Packers

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay (+4)
Last week, the Buccaneers let Alex “Hands like a China Doll” Smith throw three touchdowns. They gave up 125 yards to Frank “Bones of Spun Sugar” Gore. They ended up losing 48-3, which is to ass-kickings what the ebola virus is to stomach bugs.

In the process, they may have lost leading rusher LeGarrette Blount and key defensive tackle Gerald McCoy, who are both questionable with injuries and innate desires to shatter the spines of their enemies. And as a soft-skinned writer who was immediately punched out of the one fight he’s been in, I can tell you that you don’t want to go to battle without some crazy people to back you up.

The Saints have won their past two games in Tampa by a score of 69-13. If their defense can contain Josh Freeman and his leading receiver—someone named Preston Park (who sounds like he should be wearing an ascot under his shoulder pads)—they cover four points easy. Nick’s Pick: Saints

Cleveland @ Oakland (-6.5)
I would be remiss if I didn't mention the passing of Al Davis, since his death occurred between the posting of our Week 5 column and last Sunday. Davis gave so much to multiple generations of football fans.  For our parent's generation, he provided a team to hate. For my generation, he provided a punch line for countless Sloth and 40-yard dash jokes.  
[Editor's note: For future generations, Al Davis will provide the arrival of the zombie apocalypse.]

As it relates to this week, I don't quite know what to make of the situation. Typically, the highly emotional contest played after a death is followed by a let down game. The Browns could come out and surprise Oakland, but this is the Raiders first home game since Davis’ passing. There will no doubt be a moving pre-game tribute, not to mention the Browns are pretty awful (just two wins against teams that have a combined record of 0-9). This could go either way, but seven is a spread a little bigger than I can comfortably count on the Raiders to cover. Rory’s Pick: Browns

Houston @ Baltimore (-7.5)
It’s a time-honored NFL tradition, on par with Fred Taylor's annual groin injury and Jerry Jones' bye week rhinoplasty—it's the Houston Texans collapse! But while in years past the collapse arrived because of pure ineptitude, this year it's more a matter of bad luck. But, either way, with no Andre Johnson (for now) or Mario Williams (for ever), the free fall starts now. Baltimore win this one by 14. Rich’s Pick: Ravens

Dallas @ New England (-7)
Somewhere along the way, I became a Tony Romo apologist. Through all the fumbled snaps, the sacks, the Jessica-Simpson-and-the-blue-frosting debacle, I stuck with the guy.

This week, Romo valiantly predicted that the Cowboys would win the Super Bowl “at some point.” You can’t buy that kind of confidence!

New England is going to beat Dallas by more than seven on Sunday, and I still won’t be swayed. All you sheep can drink your Miller Lites and Dr. Pepper 10s. You can wear your Old Spice and chortle at the new Tim Allen assault on comedy. But while all those things claim to make you manly, it takes real, hefty huevos to stand beside someone who admits to hosting alcohol-free games of hide-and-seek at his bachelor party. Nick’s Pick: Patriots

Minnesota @ Chicago (-3)
Last week, the Bears lost to the Lions while the offensive line committed NINE false starts. To fix the problem, Lovie Smith locked the o-line in a shed every day before practice. Whenever anyone moved, he blasted "Someone Like You" by Adele. After begging for mercy, Smith made the switch to tear gas.

Obviously none of that is true, but I can't think of a worse punishment. The woman who sits next to me at my office keeps her radio on Kiss 108, and I hear that song about six times a day. I want to do to that radio what Londonderry, N.H. native Brian Wilson does to Gatorade coolers.  

Oh, the game? We have two similar, offensively inept teams with good running backs that don't get any help. When in doubt, go with the quarterback you trust more…Ok, maybe that’s not the best advice for this game, but my gut says Cutler. Rory’s Pick: Bears

Miami @ NY Jets (-7)
Everyone seen these Brandon Marshall quotes?

If not, here’s what the Dolphins receiver (who was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in the offseason) had to say about Monday night’s showdown in New York.

"'I think the past four games have been tough for me, trying to control some things, and, hey man, I’m just going to let it out,' he said. 'I don’t care if I have two, three cameras on me. I don’t care if I have penalties... I don’t know if it’s throwing a football 15 yards in the bleachers, or getting a 15-yarder [penalty], or punting the ball and getting thrown out of the game. But something is going to happen. I’ll probably get kicked out after the second quarter.'"

Sounds like this has the potential to either be a recreation of Rod Tidwell’s final game in Jerry Maguire, or the opening scene in the Last Boy Scout. Rich’s Pick: Dolphins

Until next week.

Hello Slack Lines fans. I'm up in Toronto, also known as the future home of the Buffalo Bills.

Rich is taking care of the editing this week, so all comments, candy, roses and UPS boxes filled with your excrement can be sent to him. 

I will miss the roses. The candy, not so much. Not really much of a sweet tooth.

Current Slack Lines standings: 
Nick: 6-6
Rich: 5-6-1
Rory: 2-10

We had the worst weekend in our short history last week, as we went a combined 2-7. It was a very, very proud moment for a column that prides itself on ineptitude. Just as important, no one who sent in picks did any better. Let's all give ourselves a completely undeserved round of applause. (And don't forget to send your predictions to nick@improper.com or @altschuller.)

On to the picks!

Seattle @ New York Giants (-10)
All right, I’m rolling with some momentum after last Monday night’s win. 2-10 baby!! Speaking of Monday’s win, most of my logic was based on the fact that as bad as the Colts were, I didn’t think the Bucs were good enough to be favored by 10 points over anybody. I sort of feel that way about Manning, Coughlin and the Giants...BUT...

1. West Coast teams traveling cross-country always seem to struggle, ESPECIALLY for one o’clock games
2. The Seahawks are horrendous away from home: 3-15 since the start of 2009.
3. A 10-point spread is a lot, but how have the Seahawks done in their last five regular season road games?  They’ve lost by 15, 19, 23, 24 and 26.

I can’t believe I’m about to put my faith in Eli Manning to beat an NFL team by double digits. Rory’s Pick:  Giants

Philadelphia (-3) @ Buffalo
The Eagles haven’t lost four games in a row since 2005. Or as you probably remember it, the year Gwen Stefani taught us all to “Hollaback.” Anyway, there’s just too much on the line here for Philly, and with last week’s loss to the Bengals, Buffalo’s annual free fall is officially under way.

I know that the Eagles defense has had their struggles, but Asante Samuel and/or Nnamdi Asomugha will feast on Buffalo’s pass happy offense, turn the game on a few turnovers and lead the Eagles to a much needed victory.

I feel like such a sucker on this one, but here goes nothing. Rich’s pick: Eagles.

Arizona @ Minnesota (-2)
It's the battle of the Eagles rejects, as Randy Meisner, Bernie Leadon and Don Felder meet in a St. Paul dive bar to finally decide who hates Don Henley the most.

Oh, it'll be "The End of the Innocence," Donnie. Especially when Meisner shoves a Fender Stratocaster up your rectum.

No, sadly, as much as I'd like to see all present and former members of that particular American rock band destroyed in a back-alley bar fight, the real Eagles rejects in this game are quarterbacks Kevin Kolb and Donovan McNabb.

Going in the Vikings favor is the fact that the Cardinals have never won in the Metrodome (0-6). And, while the team is 0-4, they've led in the fourth quarter of three of those games. Adrian Peterson has been his dependable self, and McNabb needs to take this opportunity to show he's still got some ability if he wants to keep rookie Christian Ponder off his back. (And believe me, you want FSU grads where you can see them.) Nick's Pick: Vikings,

Oakland @ Houston (-6)
“If you like zone-blocking schemes on offense, this game is for you.”  That’s what it says under the “Why To Watch” section on the NFL.com preview. This is good, because nothing gets my blood pumping like a good zone blocking scheme!! I also love the zone trap in hockey  and I go crazy for sinker ball pitchers as opposed to strikeout pitchers, because efficiency gets me JACKED UP!!!  

The Texans are going to miss Andre Johnson, but if Arian Foster’s hamstring is truly 100%, he is going to have a monster day as the Raiders have struggled mightily against the run. Offensively, the Raiders lead the NFL in rushing yards per game thanks to Darren McFadden, though I expect the Texans to stack the box and make Jason Campbell beat them. I don’t know if he’ll do it, but he might come surprisingly close with a really talented group of young receivers. Rory's Pick: Raiders

Tampa Bay @ San Francisco (-3)
This is all just part of Jim Harbaugh’s master plan.

He comes out in his first year, and steals a few wins — and in the process, builds up some faith with the fans, some confidence within the locker room, shows people he knows what he’s doing.) 

Then this April, he trades half the roster to Indianapolis for the first pick in the draft, takes Andrew Luck and the two lovebirds live happily ever after. It will be the NFL’s coziest QB/coach relationship since Mike Holmgren and Brett Favre were busted rubbing stubble behind a Green Bay movie theater in the mid-90s.

The hardest thing about betting on the Niners is Alex Smith. There are very few more helpless feelings in the world than having your money on this guy. But at home, he’ll be enough. Especially against a Tampa team that sits at a very deceiving (barely beat Vikings/struggled at home vs. Colts) 3-1. Rich’s pick: 49ers

San Diego @ Denver (+4)
The Broncos blog at denverpost.com is titled First and Orange.

At first, I dismissed the name as an idiotic failed pun. What role is orange playing in this conjunction? Is it a number? A yard marker? Why try and make a pun with the a word proven not to rhyme with anything? 

Then I thought, maybe First and Orange is a comment on puns, perhaps a rejection of their usage. The Denver Post won’t deign to insult their readership with such rudimentary nonsense. Dolts will give themselves headaches trying to figure out what First and Orange means, but the jokes on them. It means nothing...

Then I saw a post titled “Peyton Hillis’ success emboldens Broncos fans in Tim Tebow Deal.” God, that’s dumb. Inside the post was the statement: “Pass, schmass. Bronco fans have come to appreciate mobility in their quarterback.”

Yes, the ability to throw accurately down-field is wildly overrated. I don’t want no sissy pocket passer. You give me a quarterback that can run his fat ass into the line for a two-yard gain, and I will sit back and watch the championships roll in. What the hell happened to Broncos fans? Nick’s Pick: Chargers

New York Jets @ New England (-9.5)
I never thought I would see a game between these teams where the spread was higher than the number of Antonio Cromartie’s baby mamas. Speaking of which, remember in the Red Sox 2007 playoff run when the Indians tried to play mind games with Josh Beckett by having his country music star ex-girlfriend do the National Anthem? That’s child’s play! What if the Patriots rounded up all eight women that have carried one of Cromartie’s nine kids and had them perform the National Anthem? The Jets defensive back might flee the stadium. Either that or the plan backfires when he doesn’t even recognize them. 

I realize that the Jets have looked miserable lately and the Patriots are accumulating offensive statistics at a record setting pace, but I just can’t imagine Rex Ryan making this one easy on Tom Brady & Co. Mark Sanchez had one of his worst starts ever last week. What better way for him to cure his yips than a date with the Patriots defense? The Pats are the better team, and I do expect a win, but not by double digits. Rory's Pick:  Jets

Green Bay (-5.5) @ Atlanta
The Falcons look worse with every Eagles loss. Why?

Because, as of now, Atlanta’s win over Philly is the lone bright spot on their season. It's only reason anyone has to say: "Hey, maybe they can turn it around…" And if I'm still believing in Philly, I might as well stick with Atlanta.

They're a much better team at home (obviously) and the Packers come in very due for their first loss of the season. Rich's Pick: Falcons

Chicago @ Detroit (-6)
Since they lost to the Bears last season, the Lions have won eight in a row—good for the longest streak in the league. In the past two games, they became the first team in history to complete two 20-plus point comebacks in a row. Receiver Calvin Johnson just tied an NFL record by catching two touchdowns in four straight games. 

That is far too much good luck for a team that had dropped 46 of it's previous 51 contests.

And that is far too much math for me. I need some chamomile tea and a cold compress.

Monday Night Football is the perfect stage for the Lions to come back down to Earth. Yes, Detroit is a city that needs to be taught some humility. I can't for the Bears to take some of the starch out of that stuffed shirt. Nick's Pick: Bears 

Until next week.

How has the Betsey Johnson client changed over the last 40 years?

She hasn’t changed one bit. She’s just like me! I’ve been designing everything since day one, so I just do what I want. Rock ’n’ roll or pretty or punk. You know, I don’t make anything that you have to have—I don’t do basics. It’s just a spirit. I think I’ve picked up amount of all the kids over the years. I was in San Francisco recently and there was an 80-year-old woman who had the most amazing body. She was like a size four.

What do you have planned for your fashion show at the Cyclorama?

I couldn’t bring the entire new collection because it has to be available to be borrowed by the media, so it’s a really fun mix. I have a funny opening planned, but it’s a surprise so I’m not going to tell you about it. I made a little program for it so that everyone will get it. Then it’s 10 to 15 looks that are available now at the Boston store and some spring previews and then a few really over-the-top looks that can be special ordered. And then I have to give a speech. Oh god, I hate giving speeches!

Not a fan of public speaking?

I just always feel so awkward, but it’s going to be a huge family reunion and it will be really, really fun. My brother Bobby [Johnson, president/CEO of South End Community Health Center] will be up there with me, and my partners from Cambridge. I would love to bring my daughter and her kids, but we’ll see. Lulu would be great on the runway, she just opened my show in New York. If we have enough drinks, it will be fun!

What inspired your latest collection?

Tits and ass. It was just sexy and fun and pretty. There’s a lot of pretty stuff in this collection. And a little rock ’n’ roll, but I really just wanted to have a lot of fun with this and laugh.

Who would play you in a biopic about your life?

I would like me to play me. Oh god, I have no idea. I guess it depends what time zone they want it to be in. Maybe I could play me and then if they wanted to do the 16-year-old time zone, they could have an actress play that. But I don’t know who it would be. Hopefully they’ll do it while I’m alive.

What do you wear in your down time?

Down time for me is leaving work and going to dinner and going to sleep. It’s mostly just t-shirts and cut-off jeans. When you have as little down time as I do, you don’t need a big wardrobe. My five essential pieces are basically jeans, t-shirts, this long striped jersey dress that I just live in, my jammies and a fluffy dress. And high heels. I can’t work in fashion and not wear high heels. Sneakers are for moving around the city, not working.

Photo credit: Michael Wilson

The current Slack Lines standings:
Rich: 5-3-1
Nick: 5-4
Rory: 1-8

Before we get too far into the season, we need to address the subject of a punishment. The year's gambling loser is going to need to face some form of penalty, and just to provide an example, let’s say that loser is Rory.

Possible options include:
1. Rory performs a cheerleader-themed burlesque dance at Jacque's Cabaret. They're nice folk over there. I'm sure they'd accommodate.
2. Rory goes through tackling drills with your 2011 Women's Football Association champs, the Boston Militia. Nice job, ladies.
3. Rory is thrown into a burlap sack filled with poisonous snakes.

All good ideas, but we’d love your help. Email me at nick@improper.com to suggest a punishment for someone... someone who will most likely end up being Rory.

Also, please play along this week. Tweet me three picks for this weekend’s games (@altschuller). You earn a record better than the three Slack Lines writers, you win an Improper t-shirt. They’re fashionable, or at least will provide you with another shirt to ruin at the gym.

On to the picks!

Carolina @ Chicago (-6.5)
In a dramatic storyline that absolutely no one outside of Chicago cares about, former Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera returns to Soldier Field as the head coach of the Panthers. Initially, I thought that might work to the Panthers advantage.

After all, even though schemes are different, who knows the Bears defensive players better than their former coach? Who better understands their strengths and, more importantly, all of their weaknesses? Nobody. I smelled a Carolina upset.

Then I double-checked. Turns out Rivera hasn’t actually coached the Bears since 2006. Oops.

Hey, you can’t blame a guy for building assumptions off a faulty timeline and then asking you to gamble on that fraudulent information, right?

In reality, Sunday will serve as the first big road test of Cam Newton’s career, and he won’t handle it well. Rich’s Pick: Bears

Detroit @ Dallas (-1.5)
It’s the team NFL fans want to be good versus the team NFL fans are always being told is good.

Be careful, Detroit. You’re on the upswing, the glorious, temporary upswing. Pretty soon you’ll arrive at the apex—that point you wish you could freeze in time forever, when you’re team is winning and everyone loves you for it.

Then comes the descent, you arrogant son of a bitch. What? You think you’re better than me? A couple decent seasons and all of a sudden I have to bow down and kiss the ring? Screw you buddy! I hope Matthew Stafford catches every kind of hepatitis.

Sorry. It’s the circle of sports life. Nick’s Pick: Cowboys

Tennessee @ Cleveland (pick em)
1-8…I could throw darts at team logos and go 3-6, but I’m 1-8? I can’t help but feel like this is somehow John Lackey’s fault.

Speaking of surprising records, it’s pretty amazing to me that when this game is over, one of these teams will be 3-1. Over his last three seasons in Seattle, Matt Hasselbeck threw 34 touchdown passes and 44 interceptions while completing 58.5 percent of his passes. But the 36-year-old BC product has found the fountain of youth, and through three games in Music City, he's completing at a rate of 69.6 percent with 5 touchdowns to 2 interceptions. 

The Titans have succeeded even while getting next to nothing from a seemingly healthy Chris Johnson. This week has breakout written all over it for CJ against a Browns defense that allowed the fourth most rushing yards in the NFL despite going against some pretty pedestrian ground attacks (Bengals, Colts, Dolphins). Everything about this matchup tells me that the Titans are a better team, so in the interest of breaking my streak… Rory’s Pick: Browns

Pittsburgh @ Houston (-3.5)
The Steelers are playing their second straight road game and coming off a slightly shortened week. They’re playing a  team looking to rebound from their first loss of the season, and the Texans will be fired up to reaffirm their candidacy as a legit AFC threat. 

Are the Texans for real? Are the Steelers the latest to suffer from Super Bowl Runner-Up Syndrome? Judging by the spread here, that’s what Vegas thinks. (Or at least that’s what they think WE think.) But I’m not buying it.

Until the Texans prove that they can consistently beat the better teams, I’ll always take the points. Rich’s Pick: Steelers

New York Giants @ Arizona (+2)
The greatest thing about the Red Zone Channel isn’t the fact that you can watch numerous games at once, it’s that you can avoid the lifeless afternoon game that FOX wants to shove in your eye. This is probably going to be the one, so you might as well gamble on it.

Then there’s Joe Buck, who somehow manages to infuriate me more than Cletus the dancing football robot. He may be the biggest crime that FOX has perpetrated on the American public.

I was once saw known scumbag Bill O’Reilly walking down the street, and all I thought was “Man, that guy is pretty tall.” But if I saw Joe Buck, I’d use my rage-strength to rip a parking meter from the concrete and bash him right in the nose job, if only to see if he’s capable of actual human emotion.

Speaking of which, it would make me very happy if the Giants were pummeled so badly it resulted in the dissolution of their franchise. Nick’s Pick: Cardinals

Miami @ San Diego (-7.5)
I don’t think there’s been a mediocre professional athlete that’s capitalized on his incredible college career quite like Reggie Bush. He’s the third leading rusher on his team (behind Daniel Thomas and QUARTERBACK Chad Henne), and he’s still filming Pizza Hut commercials.    

The Dolphins are pretty much a lock to finish dead last in the AFC East, and now they have to travel cross-country to try and stop a high-powered San Diego offense. I got a feeling the Chargers win this one easily… Rory’s Pick: Dolphins

New England @ Oakland (+4.5)
Let me get this straight: The Jets were favored by 3.5 points in Oakland last week, and the Raiders then proceeded to kick their ass. Meanwhile, the Pats were in Buffalo getting embarrassed by the Bills. So this week, the beaten-down Pats head to Oakland to face the now resurgent Raiders and… they’re favored by 4.5? A full point more than the Jets? 

Sorry, but unless Darren McFadden gets hit by a bus on the way to the stadium, the Pats are in trouble. Rich’s Pick: Raiders
[Editor’s Note: The Oakland transit system is notoriously shaky, so here’s hoping!]

New York Jets @ Baltimore (-3.5)
This matchup is going to be a barnburner. And by that, I mean if you like high-scoring games, you’d be much more entertained by watching a barn slowly smolder away into ash.

The personnel for both teams is nearly identical to last season, and when they met in 2010, Baltimore won 10-9. Woooo! Yeah! (Someone grab me my matches.)  

However, the Jets are having some troubles on D right now. They’re ranked 31^st against the run and have given up a league-high five rushing touchdowns. Last week, Darren McFadden torched them for 171 yards and two touchdowns. Ravens back Ray Rice is capable of ripping off some huge runs, plus he’s a receiving threat, so it’s not like the Jets can just stack the box. For the sake of America’s farmland, let’s hope he throws some points on the board. Nick’s Pick: Ravens

Indianapolis @ Tampa Bay (-10)
The city of Tampa is on my crap list right now. It’s bad enough that two of my eight losses this season have involved the Bucs, but watching the Rays come back from a 7-0 deficit against the Yankees to swipe a playoff berth from the Red Sox in front of 29,000 fans and 5,000 EMPTY seats put me over the edge. Maybe I’m blinded by hatred, but the Bucs aren’t good enough to be favored by 10 points over anybody. 

Last week, the Colts scared the hell out of the millions of people who picked the Steelers in their survivor pools. I expect Indy to play hard on national TV for the second week in a row, and I expect Curtis Painter to manage the game well. For two full seasons he practiced with Peyton Manning every day and had the best seat in the house to watch Manning operate, dismantling one defense after another. Not to mention, he looks like Hansel from Zoolander, and that can only help his cause. That Curtis Painter is so hot right now.

I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Ten points is far too many for the Bucs. Rory’s Pick: Colts. No, wait…ok, yeah, Colts

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com.
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Boston now can truly boast its own great annual multi-stage rock fest within the 128 belt. Yet music has proven to be virtually secondary at the Life is good Festival, which drew about 10,000 people a day to the base of the Blue Hills over the weekend and raised $1 million for Life is good's charity for kids.

People once attended festivals just for the music lineup because everything else was such a quagmire: crowds and lines, inferior food and facilities, nothing much to do but watch the bands.

That wasn’t the case with Life is good, in its second year at spacious Prowse Farm in Canton. It’s a family-friendly fest where concessions (even beer and wine), bathrooms and activities for the young-at-heart were easily negotiated and enjoyed. It just happened that there were also continuous stages of world-class music within view of most anywhere you were situated -- and always within earshot, a soundtrack to the day’s fun.

Like most big festivals, the main stage area got crowded, especially after dark for folk-rock headliners the Avett Brothers, who stirred up the Saturday-night crowd, and New England’s own Ray LaMontagne, who wound things down Sunday.

But directly across the field, there was also a second stage where music fans dabbled in the edgier diversity of the Hold Steady’s wry, Springsteen-salted crunch (thanks to glib and spirited frontman Craig Finn), Robert Randolph’s blustery, Hendrix-ian gospel on his souped up pedal-steel guitar, and especially Raphael Saadiq’s sly, show-stopping neo-soul.

Michael Franti and Spearhead nonetheless fired up Saturday’s main-stage crowd with enough positivity, energy and world-beat blending to please all ages (despite the band flying in from a show in Nevada the night before). And Sunday, sparkplug singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile and ex-Band legend Levon Helm led spirited sets that even integrated Boston Pops string players. Throat cancer survivor Helm seemed in better voice than usual and even did a little dance, using his mandolin like a paddle. And when LaMontagne joined Helm’s repertory-style band to sing Dylan’s “Tears of Rage,” the union couldn’t have been sweeter.

Of course it was easy to check in and out of the music stages when you had a climbing wall, sack races, ball games and a PBS-slanted music tent for the kids and a sports lounge where the big kids could watch the Red Sox and Patriots collapse. Despite its size and scope, the Life is good Festival scored on most every front, and the near-perfect weather didn’t hurt either.

Anyone who enjoys going to concerts should find themselves out and about in the next week (especially if they’re fans of King Crimson, Steely Dan or outdoor fests). It’s the busiest stretch of shows in a long time, clearly the marquee week of the fall.

First, the outdoors beckons for the first weekend of the fall, albeit with wet weather. You can even catch R&B singer Oleta Adams, P-Funk mainstay Bernie Worrell and vibist Dave Samuels for free Saturday afternoon at the Beantown Jazz Festival’s annual street fair on Columbus Avenue.

The Life is good Festival also presents a family-friendly mini-Bonnaroo for its second year at Prowse Farm in Canton. Saturday highlights include the Avett Brothers, Michael Franti and the Hold Steady, while Sunday sounds a bit stronger with Ray LaMontagne, Levon Helm, Robert Randolph and Raphael Saadiq.

On the club scene, Church in the Fenway hosts a Bike MS benefit that includes the Titanics and John Powhida International Airport tonight and TRiPLE THiCK and Gene Dante’s Future Starlets Saturday. But my indoor pick for Saturday would be Pavement head Stephen Malkmus’ fine band the Jicks at Royale.

On Sunday, folks who aren’t out to Holyoke’s Mountain Park for Fleet Foxes or at Life is good can catch Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham at the Wilbur. But Church has a rare wild card in the Humans, a dreamy avant-pop trio led by singer Toyah Willcox, wife of King Crimson guitarist Robert Fripp, who’s a guest Human on new CD Sugar Rush. He’s not expected on the tour, but who knows? In any case, Walter Sickert & the Army of Broken Toys offer their own mad carnival of sorts as an opener.

Monday comes around with a cool choice between k.d. lang and her new band at the Wilbur and British cult favorites Elbow rocking the Paradise before King Crimson music gets the salute Tuesday at Royale from alumni in the Adrian Belew Power Trio and Stick Men with Tony Levin and Pat Mastelotto. More on the pop side, Wild Beasts also get ethereal and experimental over at the Paradise.

Steely Dan’s reeling in the bucks with another Wang Center residency where the band focuses on playing specific albums. Wednesday, the crack ensemble co-led by Donald Fagan and Walter Becker will mainly feature songs from the Dan's first three albums, then Friday favors fans’ online requests and Saturday includes a whole-album reading of The Royal Scam. The downside? You’re still likely to get too much Aja every night.

Thursday, people might consider earplugs to revel in the layers of sonic force that Swans unleash in primal, architectural songs that sometimes build for 15 minutes or more. Deerhoof also will wax its avant-rock whims at the Middle East, while the eclectic, retro-slanted Irish singer Imelda May (coming off her Les Paul tribute with Jeff Beck) stirs up the Paradise.

Finally, on Friday, there are soldout shows by blues-folk firebrand Ben Harper at House of Blues and folk-pop newcomers the Head and the Heart at Royale. But fans of creative big-band jazz should check out Darcy James Argue’s Secret Society at the Museum of Fine Arts. I wish I could do it all in the next week.

Week 3 is here, and already someone is badly in the hole. The standings read:

The Improper/Comcast’s Rich Levine: 3-2-1
The Improper/The Freemason’s Nick Altschuller: 3-3
WEEI/seaQuest DSV’s Rory Duyon: 1-5

Rory, you stink like the Ryan household the day after Thanksgiving. And THAT’s the sports flash!

Do it for Jonathan Brandis, buddy. 

And so begins Rory’s march to victory. Rich, I brought this upon both of us.
I’m half-sorry.

On to the picks!

New England @ Buffalo (-8)
NFL fans are loving Ryan Fitzpatrick, aka “The Amish Rifle,” which is a nickname so good I want to cancel my NSTAR account and become a Mennonite just so I can steal it.

Looking for some insight into this game, I emailed one of Fitzpatrick’s old offensive lineman at Harvard, as he happens to be on my rec. league basketball team. (He actually accidently crushed Rory’s skull in a game this week. It was hilarious.)

I asked him if he thought Fitzpatrick could now be considered a “legitimate” NFL quarterback, and in response, he sent me this link, which proved two things:

1. "OMG, people from Harvard like football AND reading!" -Every hack sports columnist over the first two weeks of this season.
2. I'm officially on the Fitzpatrick bandwagon, and I'd like to pick them getting eight points...but, after reading further into the article, I found this quote from Bills wideout Stevie Johnson: "He's been looking cool, clam and collected."

That’s gotta be a typo, as Johnson may not be a Harvard man, but I’m pretty sure no one has ever used clam as an adjective. But get your act together, Buffalo copy editors. The Amish Rifle demands your respect! In the name of grammar, Nick’s Pick: Patriots

[Editor’s Note: To everyone who will now go digging through this blog for typos…actually, thanks for reading. Also, I hope you get diarrhea.]

NY Giants @ Philadelphia (-7.5)
My picks this season have gone about as well as Metta World Peace’s stint on Dancing with the Stars. The difference between Metta and I is that even after being the first person voted off the show, he’s still rich. And I’m still sitting here listening to “All Cried Out” while I try and figure out what the hell I’m going to do to get out of this rut.

Well, we have divisional battle and a point spread over a touchdown. The favorites (Philly) have a concussed quarterback (Vick), a concussed wideout (Maclin) and DeSean Jackson’s face on every milk carton in Southeastern Pennsylvania. Seriously, where was he last Sunday?

Seems pretty clear, right? Not so much. Hakeem Nicks and Mario Manningham are questionable for a Giants team that has lost five straight to the Eagles. The last two defeats in Philadelphia were by 10 and 23 points. If Vick plays, the Eagles will cover. If they have to go with Mike Kacfa...Kaffa...Aflac...who knows. It looks like Vick is suiting up, so Rory’s Pick: Eagles

Houston @ New Orleans (-3.5)
It's unbelievable how interchangeable running backs are. You take a guy like Arian Foster, the No. 1 fantasy runner in the NFL last year. He gets hurt, they throw Ben Tate into the mix and don't miss a beat. It's really starting to makes me think less of NFL running backs on the whole. Hmm, maybe that explains why the Pats haven't bothered to with a decent one since Corey Dillon left town? 

Back to this game.

It's been smooth sailing so far for the Texans. For the 15th year in a row, it appears this MIGHT be the season they break out. And ultimately, it might be. But as the Bears learned last week, life's a bitch in the Superdome. Rich’s Pick: Saints

Kansas City @ San Diego (-13)
Fantasy football makes us all terrible people. When running back Jamaal Charles tore his ACL last weekend and the news came across the ticker, I did what all of you did, which was squeal with glee and run to a computer in hopes of capitalizing on his misfortune.

Boom. Three minutes later I was the proud owner of Dexter McCluster, a big-play threat who’s slight frame has limited his touches, but he should get plenty of chances with Charles down.

Two days later my friend Skip picked up Thomas Jones, the Chief’s official backup running back. The guy who ran for almost 900 yards last year and should see the majority of the team’s carries from here on out. 

I had just assumed he was already taken. Ooo, I was so mad at my own idiocy, I wanted to repeatedly kick my own groin like a masochistic riverdancer.

Just look at Michael Flatley there. All bare-chested and oiled up with the leather pants. You know he likes to sneak in a few boots to his bangers and mash. Nick’s Pick: Chiefs

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay (-1.5)
Maybe I’m on an island here, but I can’t figure out if the Bucs are any good or not. Last season they won 10 games and missed the playoffs. This year they’ve played two miserable halves and two great ones. They're a mediocre 4-7 in their last 11 home games, and they're an outstanding 9-2 on the road in that time span. I love their bright orange throwback uniforms even though I feel like I should hate them.

I do know one thing about this matchup: Falcons DB Dunta Robinson sure is a nice guy for donating $40,000 to underprivileged youths in Atlanta.

What’s that? It was a fine for a dirty hit that concussed a defenseless receiver? For the second year in a row?

Now we’re just splitting hairs. Rory’s Pick: Falcons

Baltimore @ St. Louis (+4)
The Rams are the best worst team in football. There's no doubt in my mind that they'll have some big wins this year. They'll surprise some better teams, and by the time next year rolls around, they'll be the new Lions—the perennial losers that everyone's so sure is ready to succeed. But for now, they’re just a bunch of loose pieces, not a team. They still make too many mistakes, and Ray Lewis eats up mistakes like he does children and stray kittens. They don't deserve it, but the Rams are moving to 0-3. Rich’s Pick: Baltimore 

Green Bay @ Chicago (+3.5)
The Packers secondary has some work to do. They gave up 419 yards to Drew Brees in Week 1 and 432 yards to Cam Newton in Week 2. On top of that, they just lost All Pro safety Nick Collins for the year with a neck injury. So the Bears may be able to put up some points.

Then again, if there’s someone who hates Jay Culter more than me, it might be Bears offensive coordinator Mike Martz. He called for 52 pass plays and only 11 running plays last week. In the process, Cutler was sacked six times. He was sacked a league-worst 56 times last year, and Chicago already leads the league this year with 11 sacks allowed. It’s like Martz thinks that Cutler is a lump of coal (he is), but if he puts him under enough pressure, he’ll turn into a diamond (he won’t). Nick’s Pick: Packers 

Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis (+10)
43-year-old Jeff George told Sam Farmer of The Los Angeles Times that he could pick up the Colts offense in a matter of days. Maybe somebody should remind the top pick from the 1990 NFL draft that he couldn’t pick up the Colts offense when he was in his mid-20s, never mind his early-40s. George amassed 41 touchdown passes and 46 interceptions during his four seasons in Indy, with a record of 14-35 in his starts, but this gives me an idea. Let’s really make Sunday Night Football a must-see event with a battle of 40-something-mediocre-at-best-in-their-prime-quarterbacks! Get Bubby Brister to sign up, and I think we’re onto something!

[Editor’s Note: I always thought George was kind of awesome. Somehow overconfidence and ton of interceptions made Brett Favre a star and Jeff George a loser. I blame his mullet.]

The Colts have gotten off to the worst start imaginable, and they’re going to be on national TV against the defending AFC champs. If they do get massacred there is a silver lining. Indianapolis just may find a solution to the Peyton Manning neck problem, and his name is Andrew Luck. Rory’s Pick: Steelers

Washington @ Dallas (-6)
The Cowboys aren't in great shape after barely beating an average Niners team last week. Their quarterback is hurting, their No. 1 running back's missing practice, their top two receivers are in danger of missing action, and their owner's suffering from this strange conditions where the skin on his face pulls back real tight at the ears and gives off the impression that he's a much younger, uglier man. It's tragic.

But then there's Rex Grossman. He’s playing on the road for the first time this season. Against a team which, believe it or not, still hasn't played at home. That's right, it's the home opener in Dallas. Monday night, too. The crowd will be extra lubed up, and Rex will be primed for his first major failure—of this season, at least. The Boys win big. Rich’s Pick: Dallas

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com.
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

R.E.M., which announced today that it will “call it a day as a band” after 31 years, was a pioneer of what became indie-rock.

With a jangly, cryptic sound that echoed ‘60s folk rock as well as post-punk, the group from Athens, Ga., forged the DIY touring circuit for American alternative bands in the early ‘80s. Later that decade, R.E.M. jumped to a major-label and more mainstream success that continued to this year’s prophetically titled Collapse Into Now. But the band’s best albums, in my opinion, were 1983’s Murmur, 1986’s Lifes Rich Pageant and 1992’s Automatic for the People.

The first R.E.M. song that I just skipped to on my iPod was Automatic's winsome waltz "Try Not to Breathe," where Michael Stipe sings, "I will try not to breathe, this decision is mine, I have lived a full life. These are the eyes that I want you to remember..."

Some may argue that the group should have retired when original drummer Bill Berry left the quartet in 1997. But frontman Stipe, bassist-singer Mike Mills and guitarist Peter Buck did their best to keep their chemistry as a band alive with a few hired hands. Few bands leave the game with original friendships and relative creativity sustained. For another recent example, Phish broke up in 2004, only to regroup in five years. I remember Buck telling me in 1985 that he could see them reuniting into their golden years like the Moody Blues. Guess we might hope.

For now, fans can only sing the blues (even if the writing was sorta on the wall) and reminisce on R.E.M.’s better days. I first caught the group before Murmur’s release at the Living Room in Providence, performing with a ragtag spirit that echoed members’ offstage approachability at the time. Of the many great concerts I saw over the years to come, my most memorable one was in 1984 at the tiny Agora club in Hartford, Conn.

The mercurial Stipe arrived onstage with a garland of flowers in his then-long and curly hair, and the band kicked into the rare nugget “Radio Free Europe." And I’ll never forget the Texas-size guy up front, yelling “Smokin’ in the Boys’ Room” as a request. One of the band members finally said, “We’ll play it if you sing it,” and they hauled the dude onstage, where he towered over Stipe, who handed daisies into the crowd while the seeming football player bellowed that raucous cover tune.

Those were the days. Here’s the band’s official announcement:

http://remhq.com/news_story.php?id=1446

Do you feel pressure to live up to people’s expectations in the role of Bess?

Anytime you're working on a new show or a new role, there's always pressure to succeed. That’s part of what makes it artistically fulfilling.

What drew you to the part?

I’ve wanted to play Bess my entire life. It’s a very heavy role to sing, and I’ve never known if I was ready. When we turned it into a musical, we had to make some adjustments just to be able to survive. And, of course, there are very few roles in musical theater that are specifically written for an African-American woman, so in that way it’s iconic.

Is acting on TV a completely different beast?

On TV you have to be much more contained because the audience and the camera are right in your face. On stage, you can be objective and fill the entire theater with emotion.

Is that something you’d like to go back to?

Private Practice was an amazing experience and I worked with some incredible people. I would certainly considering doing TV again, but I couldn’t do something in L.A. until my daughter is older. We’re based in New York and I feel like I wasted too much time in the sky.

How do you choose what to perform in concert?

It’s a mix of songs that I want to sing because I enjoy them, and songs that I want to sing because they’re a challenge and they move me. I always try to introduce some new material, whether it’s to the audience or to me.

How does your show evolve over the course of a tour?

Really it’s dependent on what kind of musical accompaniment the venue can allow. Sometimes it’s just a small band, other times a complete orchestra.

Photo credit: Michael Wilson

How long are they going to have Faith Hill sing the opening credits to Sunday Night Football? Are they just going to run her into the ground like Hank Williams, Jr.?

(True story, each week ol’ Hank requires three baggies of peyote before he can record another version of  “All My Rowdy Friends Are Back for Monday Night.”)

I kind of hope they keep her around for a few more years. With the television on mute, it’s not a bad little number.

Slack Lines Standings:
Nick: 2-1
Rich: 1-1-1
Rory: 1-2
(I’m confident that now is a great time to get cocky and assume that victory is assured.)

By the way, we have yet to set up terms for what spoils will go to the victor and—more importantly—what humiliation awaits the loser. Your ideas are welcome.

On to the picks!

Chicago @ New Orleans (-7)
I swung and missed at two of my three picks last week, but the Bears came through for me against the Falcons. If I’ve learned anything in the past couple of seasons about the Bears, it’s that just when I’m ready to put my faith in them, Jay Cutler throws four interceptions to DeAngelo Hall. 

The Saints ran into an absolute buzzsaw in the defending champion Packers on opening night, and they still managed to find themselves one horrible play call away from sending that game into overtime. Still, the Bears are good enough that they shouldn’t lose to anybody by more than a touchdown. (Especially since DeAngelo Hall doesn’t play for the Saints.)

Of course, Brandon Meriweather is there to help out on defense. If Drew Brees starts to get hot, Meriweather can just distract the wideouts by singing his hot new single.
Rory’s Pick:  Bears

Cleveland @ Indianapolis (+3)
This is absurd. Typical media overreaction. Easy money for me (and you, if you’re smart).

First of all, losing to the Texans, on the road, in Week 1, isn’t cause for a freak-out. In fact, the same thing happened to the Colts last year—granted they lost 34-24 instead of 34-7 but, um… where was I? Right, so obviously the Colts aren’t as good as they were last year. But they’ll still have a ridiculous home field advantage. Especially in their home opener. ESPECIALLY when they’re playing a Browns team that fell flat against the Bengals. And not the “Eh, they’re kind of good, but we still like to make fun of them because they’re the Bengals” Bengals. I’m talking about the “We’re back to sucking like shit” Bengals.

I actually don’t think the Browns will be that bad this year. I like Colt McCoy, love Peyton Hillis and Mike Holgrem’s mustache tickles me in ways you couldn’t imagine. But this time next week, they’ll be 0-2.
Rich’s Pick: Colts

Jacksonville @ New York Jets (+10)
The Jets are an excellent team with a mediocre, sometimes frustrating quarterback. The Jaguars are a poor team with a promising rookie getting ready to take control.

And thus begins my excuse for discussing Sam Sifton.

This week, Sifton stepped down from his two-year post as dining critic of The New York Times. I learned of this soon after watching Tara get shot in the head on True Blood. I don’t think I’ve ever had two prayers answered quite so quickly.

Not to denigrate the man, but he had a few habits that irked me. Primarily, he was constantly describing flavor by alluding to things that have no taste. A few of my least favorites include:

“Cubed raw liver comes to the table as well, a chilled, lumpy stew dressed with salt and sesame oil. It tastes of lightning storms on the high plains, of fear and magnificence combined.” (Takashi, June 16, 2010)

“Consumed, it provides a taste of an Israeli idyll, the feeling of a warm breeze off the Mediterranean to ruffle your hair.” (Balaboosta, June 30, 2010)

If I asked a dining companion how their stew tasted, and they responded with anything approaching “lightning storms on the high plains,” I would tase them from under the table.

Sifton also fancies himself as quite hip, but there is nothing quite as unappetizing as hearing a white middle-aged bald man sprinkling his conversations with rap references. And of course, like all hipster elites, he loves The Wire. Take this quote from his review from of Chop Tank, published March 3, 2010:

“There is a fine Ostrowski’s Polish sausage sitting with its pretzel brother on a plate, garlicky as a Pigtown housewife, but there is no John Waters to Choptank, much less Avon Barksdale or Stringer Bell… New Yorkers probably deserve better. Certainly better is available. But as Snoop once said on “The Wire,” a stone-cold gangster making sense of the Baltimore night, “Deserve got nothin’ to do with it.”

Oh, Chop Tank. If only your bistro steak had gotten me as high as Bubs on a yellow top, maybe you would have earned a star.

All that being said (and I have more to say), I still felt that the Times’ Dining section was the country’s best during Sifton’s reign, and I think it will be even better after he’s replaced. I still think the Jets are a hell of a team, but if they were given the chance to swap out Mark Sanchez for a promising, yet not fully known, commodity like Blaine Gabbart, they’d at least be intrigued. Sanchez will win games, but he’ll never be what Jets fans ultimately want. Or cover a 10-point spread. Nick’s Pick: Jaguars

Baltimore @ Tennessee (+6)
I don’t really know much about Titans coach Mike Munchak except that his name is hilarious. He sounds like the crazy friend on a second-rate ’80s sitcom. But I do know this: If he doesn’t find a way to get Chris Johnson more than 9 carries a game after they gave him that huge extension, his time on the Titans sideline will last about as long as it takes Pacman Jones to blow through 10 grand in singles. Last Sunday’s loss to the Jaguars was bad, but they can’t play much worse...right?

The Titans may not play worse, but the Ravens have a way of making even good teams look like the London Silly Nannies. I have a hard time, going against a six-point dog at home, but the Ravens embarrassed the defending AFC champs last week, and I think the Titans are in for a long season. Think about it. New coach. Check. New quarterback. Check. Running back holdout. Check. Gucci shoes on. Chec—wait a minute. Damn you, Meriweather!  Get out of my head!
Rory’s Pick:  Ravens

Houston @ Miami (+3)
After the embarrassment of Tom Brady’s 517-yard performance, the Dolphins immediately addressed all their defensive issues by cutting Benny Sapp. Yeah, that’ll do it. Sorry, Andre Johnson owners. Benny Sapp is gone. The Dolphins D is impenetrable.

And by impenetrable, I mean that Matt Schaub only throws for 417 yards.

But don’t worry, Miami. It’s not all bad. After all, Arian Foster’s back.
Rich’s Pick: Texans

Dallas @ San Francisco (-3)
I’ve always liked the 49ers. However, I’m going to San Francisco this weekend, and my itinerary has me driving by Candlestick Park just as this game gets out.

Pretty sure that’s all it’s going to take for me to hate the 49ers.
Nick’s Pick: Cowboys

San Diego @ New England (-6.5)
Remember the scene in Major League when Willie Mays Hayes stepped to the plate in the Indians opener and broadcaster Harry Doyle announced, “A lotta people say you can tell how a season’s gonna go by the first hitter of the year?” The Chargers better hope the same doesn’t apply to opening kickoffs. Kicker Nate Kaeding tore his ACL, and Percy Harvin took it 103 yards to the house. If that’s not a bad omen, I don’t know what is.

A lot of things are going against San Diego in Week 2. Aside from the fact that they’re perennial underachievers through about Week 5, they’re traveling cross-country to try and put the brakes on a Pats offense coming off a record-setting performance.

Could this be a trap game for gamblers? Six-and-a-half is an awful lot of points. Let’s not forget that it’s a short week for New England to prepare for a talented Chargers team. The Pats defense looked mediocre at best against Miami, and Philip Rivers can sling it. Typically when I’m torn in a game involving the Chargers, I use Norv Turner as my tiebreaker and pick the other team. In this case, I think the Pats win, but the Chargers will make them work for it. By the way, if the line is anything under 87…I’d take the over.
Rory’s Pick: Chargers

Philadelphia @ Atlanta (+2)
Regardless of what happened last week, I like the Falcons to cover. But when you throw in the embarrassment they suffered in Chicago, and thus the kind-of-sort-of must win atmosphere that surrounds this game, I think Atlanta wins outright.

Plus, let’s not forget that this is the Eagles second straight game on the road. That’s no way to start the season, and it’s bound to catch up with them amidst the hype surrounding special teams coordinator Bob April’s return to Atlanta (where he was the tight end coach from 1991-93).
Rich’s Pick: Falcons

St. Louis Rams @ New York Giants (-6)
The Giants D is banged up. Osi Umenyiora hurt his knee. Justin Tuck injured his neck, and five of their key players are already done for the year.

Rams coach Steve Spaguolo used to be the Giants defensive coordinator, and the schemes and a lot of the personal haven’t changed that much since he left New York in 2008.

In short, I’m thinking that even though your Maserati has eroded into a rusty Yugo, you’re still going to know how the engine works and how to turn it over. The Rams offense is improving, and I think with Spag’s insight, they throw a hefty amount of points on the board.

Plus, Eli Manning is a five-year-old in a 30-year-old’s body. He should really just replace his game towel with his binky.
Nick’s Pick: Rams

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com.
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Dark, weighty indie-rockers have invaded the arena circuit, but not without growing pains. Maybe that’s why Matt Berninger, the stoic frontman for the National, joked Friday at Bank of America Pavilion that songs of misery were more fun to write than happy ones -- as if he needed an excuse for his band’s somber fare.

After all, if not happy, arena rock is generally more outgoing than introverted to attempt to reach the masses. The National’s precise brooding dealt a wallop for a while, backed by abstract imagery on a backing scrim that included glimpses of the action onstage, eschewing the Pavilion’s oft-distracting side screens.

But despite the intriguing simmer-to-a-swell dynamics behind Berninger’s mesmerizing baritone, the Brooklyn-based quintet’s rhythmic and textural monotony took its toll over a full set. Exceptions included the melodic standout “Fake Empire” and songs where a more animated Berninger yelped through the dense din.

Perhaps it would have been more effective in a more intimate room, though the National is better off beyond the clubs. The core of its sound is even more insular than Interpol’s (the two bands shared Connecticut-based producer Peter Katis, who was in Friday’s audience). But apart from the shadow of Joy Division, the National also reached for U2-ish guitar shards and Arcade Fire-like theatrics, even if Berninger’s trip into the seats during “Terrible Love” lacked Arcade leader Win Butler’s abandon.

Ah, abandon -- maybe that’s something the National could try in its calculated attack, something that suited Yo La Tengo’s Ira Kaplan in his trio’s also meandering yet excellent opening set. The difference was Kaplan physically and sonically lashed into his guitar like it was a pretzel (he’s a contemporary of Sonic Youth after all) and sang one song as wildly as Iggy Pop. He was just as deliberate as the National, but it didn’t come off that way (and he kept switching instruments amid Tengo’s more varied grooves).

When the National’s Aaron and Bryce Dessner each took a turn raising their guitars over their heads at sonic climaxes, it was like Berninger chatting about happy songs: a somewhat forced arena gesture.

The National still seemed to manage the Pavilion setting better than TV on the Radio had a few nights before. TVOTR is more of an avant-rock group, which meant more unpredictable spikes of energy, but also a level of obtuseness that seemed remote in the large tent. It’s a hard balance to strike, even if the Pavilion is a baby step toward the rinks and stadiums that lead to diminishing returns. Luckily, indie-rock isn’t really at that level, although the Arcade Fire comes closest in delivering the goods for that size audience.

It's Slack Lines, season two! If you missed season one, they're all online, so you can catch up. I'll wait...

Pretty good, right?

If you didn't read the backstory, the point off this endeavor is to demonstrate the futility of NFL wadgering. Enganged in a bush league battle was myself, the managing editor of this fine publication, and Rich Levine, who writes the Take 5 column for the magazine and can also be found on Comcast SportsNet New England, where writes this blog and occasionally appears on television looking extremely uncomfortable.

Last season's record stood at 40-39-1, Nick and 38-40-2, Rich. That is AGGRESIVELY mediocre. Honestly, I'm not sure how we can top that. More importantly, as the loser, Rich had to sit through the Minka Kelly/Leighton Meester vehicle The Roommate and provide a detailed review. 

He did not do that.

He did provide something though. I think Rich is a little stressed out today, so this reads like a Peter Travers review if he were being held at gun point. (And to watch this movie, maybe he was.)

"This movie scratched me right where I itch. And I mean, EXACTLY in the right spot. I mean, because we've all been there, right? You know, with a roommate?! (Although, not with one that looks like Minka Kelly, right? LOL!) AHHH! God, this film was good. And honestly, that's what it was. Not a movie. A FILM. Screw the NFL on Sunday. Just sit back, relax and indulge in this cinematic classic. Ladies and gentleman… The Roommate."

Well, I'm convinced.

We also have a new addition to the Slack Lines team. Jumping onboard is WEEI sports flash guy Rory Duyon. You know that dreamy voice you heard on the radio that softly snuck inside your eardrum, not unlike Leighton Meester crawling into bed with Minka Kelly? (Rich's words, not mine.) That's Rory. He's crazy/sexy, and I imagine equally as terrible at picking football games as Rich and me.

Alright! I'm pumped for this season. Let's crank up the Lady Antebellum and Maroon 5! WOO!

No, unlike the NFL, we're going to provide some music that football fans would actually like to hear. In honor of the Packers impressive performance last night, let's crank some "Green Machine." Blast that one and let's get this season going.

On to the picks!

Atlanta @ Chicago (+3)
First of all, I want to thank Nick for including me in the 2011 edition of Slack Lines. Double thanks for giving me a home underdog against a popular Super Bowl pick in my first game. I respect it. The new guy needs to earn his keep.

Generally speaking, home underdogs are a pretty solid bet in Week 1. On the surface, things look good for the Bears. Already known for their smashmouth defense, they added the party-planning/starting-safety services of Brandon Meriweather. And, people forget because the Packers won it all, but the Bears are your defending NFC North Champs.

Still, two of their stars went through bad breakups this offseason. I can’t help but picture Jay Cutler and Roy Williams consoling each other, usually to a soundtrack of Bobby Vinton's Mr. Lonely. 

Cutler and The Hills Kristen Cavallari were headed to alter after just a 10-month courtship. I really thought their carefully fabricated relationship would last forever. But I feel especially bad for Williams. Talk about an innovator! The technically savvy wide receiver mailed a $76,000 engagement ring to his girlfriend, a former Miss Texas, along with a video proposal, and she actually said no! Somebody needs to tell Brooke Daniels to join the 21st century. FedEx’ed DVD proposals are the wave of the future.

Even with a couple of broken hearts and an already awful quarterback, I still like the Bears chances. The Falcons are a trendy Super Bowl pick, but I still have questions about the offense, and starting the season in Chicago is no easy task. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Falcons win by less than a field goal, but the Bears will make them work for it. Rory’s Pick: Bears

Philadelphia @ St. Louis (+5.5)
I'm predicting an early nightmare for the Dream Team. Get it? Because it's like the Drea… nah, you get it. I just feel like these guys are due for an early let down. And I think the Rams will probably have their most enthusiastic crowd since the days of Mrs. Warner's mullet. Spirits will be high (And so will Desean Jackson, I assume). The Eagles might win, but by three at the most. Rich's Pick: Rams

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore (-2)
The NFL has two big goals this weekend:
1) Waft away all the lingering funk left over from the lockout.
2) Show fans and the media that they've taken effective steps toward addressing the issue of concussions.

So having the Steelers play the Ravens in the season's opening Sunday is an interesting choice. Yes, it's a marquee match-up that a lot of people want to see. At the same time, these teams are famous for beating the frontal lobes out of each other. Their match-ups are absolute demolition derbies. Steelers linebacker James Harrison uses his helmet to smash everything around him. (You should see him go through a bag of walnuts.)

And while their games tend to be close—eight of the last nine have been decided by less than a touchdown—the Steelers tend to win. In fact, Roethlisberger is riding a seven-game winning streak against the Ravens. Pittsburgh did lose to Baltimore last year, but that was while Big Ben was serving his four-game suspension for being a fan of the band Seether.

Wait, let me double-check that... no, it says here it's because he was accused of sexual assault. My apologies to Seether. Nick's Pick: Steelers

Detroit @ Tampa Bay (-1)
These teams are famous for futility. The Bucs have made the playoffs in the same season as the Lions exactly three times: 1982, 1997 and 1999. Tampa managed to go an imperfect 0-14 in their inaugural season of 1976, and the Lions topped that as the first team to put a donut in the win column in 2008.

Well, the tides have turned, and suddenly there’s reason to believe in both of these squads. A lot of people in New England are particularly enamored with the Lions after watching Donkey Kong Suh and Corey Williams make mincemeat of the Patriots offensive line in the preseason, but let’s take that for what it was. The Lions went 7-1 in the '08-'09 preseasons…and then won just 2 of 32 games in those respective regular seasons. I do believe this is the best Detroit team we’ve seen in a while, but let’s pump the breaks before we anoint them world-beaters.

Also, keep in mind the opponent. Does anybody realize the Bucs have put together three winning seasons in the last four years? Coach Raheem Morris did a phenomenal job last season and Tampa is a team on the rise with a solid defense and an up-and- coming offense led Josh Freeman, LeGarrette Blount (who's always happy to see you) and the Mike Williams who’s actually good at catching the football. Rory’s Pick: Buccaneers 

Carolina @ Arizona (-7)
Can you imagine having to sit through this disaster on Sunday? I can, because it's the NFL, and everything about the NFL is awesome (also, because I have Larry Fitzgerald on my fantasy team). But seriously, you couldn't have asked me to bet on one of the weekend games in the MAC conference instead? Every word I write about Panthers/Cardinals is just making me crazy (as crazy as the Panthers were for selecting Cam Newton No. 1 overall, Zing). So I'm done. Down goes Kolb! Rich's pick: Panthers

New York Giants @ Washington (+3)
Who likes football? YEEAAAAHH.
Who likes a good cry? YYEAAAuuhhh, darn it.

This game has been set up as the NFL’s 9/11 remembrance ceremony. Colin Powell is going to serve as the Redskins’ honorary captain. Family members of those lost on 9/11 will be out on the field. Bon Jovi (?) is going to perform something heartfelt. Joe Buck is going act like a smarmy, sycophantic a-hole the entire afternoon.

You’re going to be all jazzed for football, and then this game is going to bring your enthusiasm down a few pegs. But you can’t even think about complaining, because then you’ll know that you’re a horrible person and you clearly hate your country. Uuuh, this game is already giving me a headache. Maybe a Manning will get hurt. That’s a distraction America seems to like. Nick's Pick: Redskins

Dallas @ New York Jets (-4)
Three-and-a-half hours of Ryan vs. Ryan stories on Sunday Night Football is going to be a little tiring. There’s no way that NBC is going let us just enjoy a game between two these teams without jamming that plot down our throats.

Jets fans are an interesting breed. They find a way to maintain a swagger and bravado that suggests their favorite team hasn’t been the red-headed stepchild of New York football since their inception in 1960. They remind me of a former coworker. In her mind, she looked like Katy Perry. In reality, she looked like Perry Mason. One Halloween she showed up to work in a Wonder Woman costume. It was…unsatisfactory, just like the end of every Jets season.

Then there’s the alternate fan base, who still call the Cowboys “America’s Team.” Also highly annoying. I see myself drinking a lot during this one. Talent hasn’t been an issue for Dallas for a long time, but the coaching and intangibles never seem to come together. I think Rex Ryan and the Jets will start off their season on the right foot (that one's for you, Wes Welker) in front of a raucous and inebriated crowd at the Meadowlands. Rory’s Pick: Jets

New England @ Miami (+7)
It's in the division, so it'll be close… for like a quarter! Heyoo! No, but really, the Pats will win by 14. 35-21. Brady will throw for three TDs. BJGE will run for two. Devin McCourty will have an INT. Andre Carter will have two sacks. And I'll go 3-0 on the week. Rich's Pick: Patriots

Oakland @ Denver (-3)
Raider’s football exists in a vacuum. They’ve sucked soooo badly since 2003 that no one pays any attention, unless it’s to make fun of them for adding to their eight-year string of bad decisions. It took him leaving Oakland for me to finally learn how to pronounce Nnamdi Asomugha’s name. A-sum-moi. (Sounds like an especially good kiss. “Hey man, awesome mwah!”)

But the Raiders weren’t bad last year. They were .500 at 8-8, but they were 6-0 in the division, including two merciless beatings of the Broncos, in which the outscored Denver by 98 points.

Denver has Elvis Dumervil back from injury and their highly touted pass-rushing rookie, Von Miller, but I’ll take the points. Even if Oakland did lose Captain SuperSmooch. Nick’s Pick: Raiders

Until next week.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com.
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon

Gods, space and high fashion, some things are out of this world and just out of our reach. Musician Casey Desmond brought each of these intangibles close enough to see, touch and even purchase at the launch of her new fashion line, OHDEERGOD.

The fashion show took place at the Middle East upstairs and was preceded by a variety of musical performance including, Desmond’s sister’s band, Streight Angular, and Miss Desmond herself. Desmond came out sporting a handmade bright purple, pink and blue leotard complete with metallic, sparkle, fringe and some cheek action. She topped off the ensemble with diamonds between hey eyebrows and a dream-catcher, beaded headband made by a friend for her most recent music video, “Talking to God.”

“For the sake of art, it’s fun to be over the top, to let go and do what feels natural. What is natural for me is bright, colorful and extravagant patterns,” says Desmond of her style.

Desmond’s models loved the chance to be over the top as well. “Her ‘Space Candy’ theme is unique, innovative and out there, yet beautiful. It makes you feel pretty and sexy,” says model Jackie Haidar. Fellow model Hildi Karpawich agrees, “Massachusetts is fairly conservative [when it comes to fashion], so it’s nice to actually see some color, which you don’t normally see around here.”

For Desmond, her designs go beyond incorporating space and bright colors, she likes to take a little bit of influence from cultures that interest her, including Indian, African and Native American. “American culture is not as whimsical and inspirational. I have so much love for the Native American aesthetic and culture and the way they treat animals and nature,” she says. 

In fact, animals are another major theme in Desmond’s line. The logo for the line is an image of a Native American-inspired deer that Desmond drew herself. The image appears on all of the T-shirts that were both displayed on the models and sold at the merchandise table for the event. But Desmond didn’t stop there. She also included intricate animal costumes, including an owl, a fox, a wolf, and of course, a deer head. Desmond really enjoyed making these costumes because her sister and her best friend, Kaitlyn Ciamba (who also helped out with hair and make-up) helped her make them. She was excited to see how the wearers added some of their own flair to the both the outfits and the animal costumes.

Desmond was incredibly pleased with the response to the launch of her line and definitely plans to continue with both fashion and music. “I am really going to keep working hard to make [clothes] that the public can enjoy, but I am also focusing on my performance. I want them to be tied together. I never want to give either of them up. I need all of it,” she says. 

Above: Model Hildi Karpawich gets her make-up done; To left: Casey Desmond starts off the show. Photos by Michael J. Bambuch.

Sarah Dwyer is a student at Emerson and a former editorial intern at The Improper Bostonian. She has an eye for beautiful art, an ear for great music and the courage to wear extravagant patterns.

Arm candy never goes out of style, and the watch connoisseurs at Omega know it. Frosted with diamonds and emulating classic, conservative style, items from the ultra-lux brand dress up glam goddesses like Nicole Kidman and Cindy Crawford and driven athletes including Anna Kournikova and Michael Phelps.

Omega watches have been to the moon, at the Olympics and on the wrist of James Bond. Now they've got an official presence in New England, too. "Omega fits a very New England sensibility," says CEO Stephen Urqhart. "While we will maintain a presence in high-end retailers, it was important to our company to have a store in this area." Make time for luxury and visit their brand-new standalone shop at the Natick Collection.

-- With reporting help from Alia Gilbert

Omega Boutique | Natick Collection, 1245 Worcester St., Natick | 508-545-2398 | omegawatches.com

Tropical Storm Irene left havoc on much of the Northeast with flooding and road shutdowns, but all lights are green for a bumper crop of major music festivals this Labor Day weekend.

The main attraction of this year’s Tanglewood Jazz Festival is Sunday’s super-trio of Angelique Kidjo, Dianne Reeves and Lizz Wright in “Sing the Truth.” African sparkplug Kidjo, the classy Reeves and gospel-steeped Wright will be performing the songs of past Tanglewood greats like Aretha Franklin, Betty Carter, Joni Mitchell and Odetta. And they’ll be backed by a great band that features pianist Geri Allen and drummer Terri Lyne Carrington. Other Tanglewood Jazz attractions at Ozawa Hall Friday through Sunday include the Mingus Orchestra, Jimmy Cobb and the John Santos Quartet. http://www.bso.org/bso/index.jsp?id=bcat5240070

Further west across the New York border, where I-90 is now open for traffic is moe.down, where jam kings moe. host the Levon Helm Band (with soloist Bob Weir), TV on the Radio (which also rocks Boston’s Bank of America Pavilion Tuesday), Ween, Slightly Stoopid and Bruce Hornsby. That’ll take place at Gelston Castle Estate in Mohawk, though homebound fans can watch a free live stream at iClips. http://moe.org/festivals/moedown/information

Finally, Cajun/bluegrass music has long been a Labor Day weekend tradition in Rhode Island, but that’s only part of the three-day Rhythm & Roots Festival. The grounds are clear and the power’s on at Ninigret Park in Charlestown for Steve Earle, Richard Thompson (who also plays Lowell’s Boarding House Park Friday), Marcia Ball, Raul Malo, Steve Riley and many others. It’s a fun, family-friendly event that also features a dance tent (with instruction for newbies) and kids’ activities such as the Mardi Gras Parade. http://www.rhythmandroots.com/ws/pages/home.php

Have a good hurricane-free weekend!

Did you know that “Tonight Tonight” was going to be a huge hit?

I was in Philadelphia listening to some work tapes and the tune just came into my head. It was kind of annoying and catchy but in an undeniable and great way. When something haunts you like that, you it’s going to be big.

Is that an indication of how your next album will sound?

We’re all pop kids at heart, so it’s going to be a really fun, upbeat feel-good record.

How has social media changed the way celebrities interact with their fans?

You’re only one degree of separation away from the people who are buying and enjoying your music. In one sense, it does impact what we do, because people give us genuine feedback. There’s a lot of negative stuff, too, but I don’t pay attention to that. It’s not productive.

Everybody in your band is the son of someone in the music industry. What’s the best advice your father (country musician Paul Overstreet) gave you?

For the most part, my father hasn’t given me much advice, because he knows that I want to do this on my own. The great part of how we grew up is that we’re all less ignorant than most when it comes to dealing with the attention and making a record. He does always remind me that writing music is like exercising a muscle, and you can’t stop.

If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be?

The genre lines are blurred today. There’s so many people. Bruno Mars is so talented, and Hayley from Paramore.

Does the type of venue you’re playing effect your energy during a show?

It’s not about the size of the club, it’s about proximity to the audience. If they’re sweating with you, then it’s a good show.

Scott Weiland may not be the most reliable rocker given his past drug escapades and squabbles with his bands Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver. But the threat of Hurricane Irene didn’t stop him from rocking Ernie Boch Jr.’s annual summer bash Saturday.

“This is the first time I’ve played a private party since I was 18 years old -- and that was just for the beer,” the singer told a VIP crowd under a tent in the tropical air at the auto czar’s Norwood estate. “I’ve never played a show quite this moist.”

Weiland cleanly sweated it out with his solo band, playing a dozen tunes in a 75-minute set that included STP favorites “Vasoline” and “Unglued” as well as a welcome cover of Radiohead’s “Let Down.”

Fellow musicians in the crowd included James Montgomery, Johnny A and Boch’s Ernie and the Automatics bandmates Barry Goudreau and Sib Hashian, who both served long ago in the band Boston.

How do you buy for the Boston client?

We did focus groups to see what people here needed. It’s about tailoring an assortment to a location but keeping a consistent DNA.

What’s the most wearable trend for autumn?

There was such a strong trend toward color for spring and summer, and I definitely see that continuing. Things like the electric blue or red denim that women loved will transition into colorful corduroys. We always do well with fur vests, because it’s the perfect timeless staple: incredibly warm, chic and versatile.

How do you categorize Boston’s style?

When people say New England, that tends to say preppy. But preppy can be done with a twist. If we’re stocking a Lacoste T-shirt in our store, maybe we’d do it in a wash that’s a little more hip than classic. You can’t categorize it because there aren’t clear lines in a city with an international population.

How can you balance function and fashion in bad weather?

There are many cold weather pieces that are certainly fashionable, like trapper hats or earmuffs. Really, layering is the key though. Cashmere sweaters that are lightweight but still warm can carry you all the way through from September to spring.

Who shops at your store?

People who want to mix trend pieces with their favorites, and maybe put it together in an unexpected way.

I'm back for another edition of...basically sharing my scribblings with you.
Let's do this.

Wednesday, 6:50 pm- I just appeared on WGAM New Hampshire Sports Radio. Apparently, New Hampshire Game Night’s Chris DeTurk has checked out the blog, and he invited me on the show. Very gratifying, so I send a thank you out to Chris and cohost Sean Sendall.

We talked about the magazine and the Patriots for a few minutes, then, referencing a reader question from a previous blog, we talked about gourmet versus regular ketchup.

I am often guilty of being overly deadpan in my joke delivery. Before my audience picks up on that, I can come across as blunt, or worse, moronic. Toward the end of the conversation, I said that, in regards to French fry toppings, I was really more of a mayonnaise and vinegar guy. I fear they took me seriously.

Let the record show: 1) I do not dip my pomme frites like a weirdo European; and 2) You don’t know delicious until you’ve coated your fries in grape jelly.

Incidentally, there was an interesting article on ketchup in the Times.

Thursday, 4 pm- Mitt Romney came out of hiding to attend the Iowa Republican debate.

He was conspicuously absent during the debt-ceiling crisis. Initially, I was kind of impressed with this tactic. Just let the Tea Partiers and Bachmann and Boehner get the kettle o’ crazy really blowing some hot air, and then step back into the spotlight once sensible voters of all parties are starving for a sound bite from any Republican that doesn’t urinate on the torched and pulverized ashes of their decaying faith in government.

Then Romney came out today and led with the “corporations are people” argument. I now fear he may have just been storing up his crazy. Instead of biding his time, then revealing himself as rational, perhaps he’s just been waiting for everyone to sprint ahead and exhaust their lunacy before he drops his insanity supernova.

I hope the man remains sane; I’m just ready for the time when he gets his ideas for finance reform from his dog.

Friday, 12:32 pm- Our Music issue is out, and a piece on Dom is in there. Here's their biggest hit.

And here's a download of the remix with Gucci Mane.
(Please don't hate me for linking to Pitchfork. I'm already disgusted with myself.)

Apparently this kid is on a near constant acid trip. Today's game is to figure out which track is more influenced by psychotropics.
(I'm thinking he was on stronger stuff on the first song, but took a wider variety while producing the second.)

I will now go to the gym and have a smoothie.

Happy weekend, everyone.

Questions, comments, ideas to discuss? Contact Nick at nick@improper.com or @altschuller.

Starting today, Stel's is hosting a haute-fashion-cool-price spectacular for visitors to the petite Newbury Street boutique. First, shoppers purchase a small, medium or large Stel's shopping bag for $25, $50 or $75, respectively. After that, it's a Supermarket Sweep meets the Running of the Brides high style free-for-all. For this weekend only, any sale merchandise (from the spring 2011 collections and previous) that fits into your bag is yours to keep. Supplies are (naturally) limited, so get thyself to this shopping Eden ASAP.

*Feline not included

Stel's | 334 Newbury St., Boston | 617-262-3348 | shopstels.com

Is stage acting much different from TV?

The stage is like a marathon and on TV you work in spurts, so it’s anaerobic versus aerobic. It’s also different in the sense that once you perfect something on TV, that’s it, forever. You can think that you’ve perfected something on stage, but the audience is different every night and that affects you.

Are you surprised that Porgy and Bess is moving to Broadway in December?

I’m excited, but I’m not surprised. I think everyone knew that with the cast and crew and the ideas that we had, that it was a real possibility. I knew it was a goal.

How does this adaptation differ from the original opera?

It’s very true to the Gershwins’ vision, and we’ve had the encouragement of their estate through the entire process, but it still feels new. An opera is like four-and-a-half hours, and even though it’s performed in English, it’s impossible to understand. With dialogue comes experimentation.

Was it easy to bring to the stage?

We had an amazing team, Diane Paulus, Suzan-Lori Parks. I’ve never had the luxury to see something go from workshop, to stage and then move to Broadway before.

Why has Porgy and Bess resonated in American culture?

It’s part of the opera canon. Catfish Row is based on a real community that’s stories high. It tells the story of people’s lives, and when you sing, it’s worth it.

How does living in Boston stack up to living in New York or Los Angeles?

Well, I live in Cambridge. Cambridge is not Boston. People here have the worst taste in clothing. I think I’ve seen one woman in heels. Everybody wears these hiking sandal things and shorts. [Laughs.] I’ve been to Boston many times, though, and there are some amazing restaurants and stores here. I saw David Mamet wearing this amazing coat, and I asked him where he got it. It was from Alan Bilzerian. And Louis is always great.

It’s good to be Justin Vernon these days. A few years ago, the Wisconsin musician now known as Bon Iver was stuck in a winter cabin, recording the haunting breakup CD For Emma, Forever Ago. Now he’s broken the indie-folk mold, singing on Kanye West’s latest album and becoming a hot sellout at House of Blues.

But it wasn’t Vernon’s concert turn that surprised Thursday, though he’s expanded Bon Iver to eight backing players that included horn players and two drummers. Sonic layers grew chaotic at times, though Vernon also stripped things down. He played a jaunty version of “Skinny Love” on dobro with his bandmates chiming in on gang vocals, and had the rapt crowd pitch in on a closing “The Wolves” like a cheering section.

The love spread next door to an after-show party at the club’s Foundation Room, where a small VIP crowd whooped it up with Vernon, who played DJ on his Mac laptop, jumping from Toto to Lil’ Wayne to Daft Punk. Vernon didn’t just mix it up musically though. He engaged the dancers, pumping his fist and sharing in toasts of champagne and whiskey from sponsor Bushmills. In the cozy setting, he even shook hands, took requests and chatted between songs, and he was still going strong past 1 a.m.

Tonight he’s back onstage at Holyoke’s Mountain Park in the role of indie-rock idol. But at House of Blues, he got to throw down for kicks. That cabin hermit is actually quite the party animal.

I rarely watch “American Idol” and doubt I’d ever attend one of its touring shows. But I found NBC’s new hit “The Voice” a more interesting competition with its broadly talented singers that bridged styles and demographics. For the most part, I even agreed with the chosen winners, whether they were advanced by celebrity coaches or (in the final round) by the voting public.

So I was a bit curious how the final eight contestants could play it out at the “The Voice: Live on Tour” show Thursday at Bank of America Pavilion. And I pretty much had the same impressions that I got from the TV show, only amplified.

Javier Colon deserved to win the contest as a seasoned musician with a dynamic, clarion voice and an angelic demeanor to match. Nice guys can finish first. If anything, the Connecticut native tempered his turns in the spotlight Thursday, perhaps to let his runner-ups shine, while sharing local history that included a gig as a singing waiter on nearby boat The Spirit of Boston.

Vicci Martinez and Beverly McClellan stood out more than ever for being able to command a stage with big, passionate voices. Luckily freed of awkward TV costumes, the passionate Martinez made Florence Welch’s “Dog Days Are Over” her own, stalking the stage in a war dance when she wasn’t thumping two big tom-toms.

In turn, McClellan was a powerhouse with the balls to tackle the Who’s “Baba O’Reilly,” rivaling Roger Daltrey when she belted “I don’t need to be forgiven!” and working the stage like a born performer with bug-eyed playfulness. She even tweaked the lyrics to give a shout out to early-round contestant Casey Desmond, who was in the audience along with fellow ousted local Devon Barley.

Camaraderie trumped competition as well when performers backed each other up, most notably when the blustery Nakia dueted with McClellan on Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful.” The burly Nakia, who resembled a young Pavarotti when he tied his hair back, and the bald, tattooed McClellan surely related to that anthem for outcasts with its line “We are beautiful, no matter what they say.” They couldn’t have lasted in a contest dominated by image.

Likewise, Frenchie Davis established her presence onstage as a large woman with extra-large talent, showing her Broadway chops with her controlled vocal power. Alas, coach Blake Shelton’s cute young charges Xenia and the spunkier-if-still-dull Dia Frampton paled by comparison on the big stage, missing a few notes and having trouble projecting. Casey Weston was another weak link, merely pleasant, but having the quick head to accept a shouted prom proposal with observations that prom season has passed, that she’s single, and that he should e-mail her.

Maybe by next prom, the glow of the TV show’s first season will fade and Weston could use a publicity boost. As with “American Idol,” not every talent can capitalize on the spotlight. I’d put my money on Martinez and McClellan as well as Davis and Colon.

One of my favorite moments at this year’s Newport Folk Festival was seeing Elvis Costello, who was billed to play solo acoustic, hit the stage with an electric guitar and his band the Imposters and fire up the Byrds’ “So You Want to Be a Rock ‘n’ Roll Star.”

Granted, it wasn’t Dylan going electric at Newport. And catching Costello meant ducking out on the indie-rock buddy club Middle Brother before the band Dawes arrived unannounced to fuel that spirited cocktail (only to later return and back up M. Ward).

And those weren’t the only surprises at the fest, which sold out both days for the first time in its 52-year history -- and has become the place to catch folksy indie-rockers as well as traditional folk veterans. Even with an enlarged second stage inside the stony ramparts of Fort Adams State Park, the daily crowds of 10,000 flowed pretty smoothly around the harborside peninsula.

Guest spots crossed age and genre to keep it rocking. Country-folk partners Gillian Welch and David Rawlings sang with the Decemberists, whose Colin Meloy lifted “The Weight” with gospel icon Mavis Staples. Even Boston’s David Wax Museum, supremely assured in opening the main stage, enlisted Rhiannon Giddens of the old-timey Carolina Chocolate Drops. Costello, on electric and acoustic guitars, brought out mandolin virtuoso Chris Thile as well as the Secret Sisters and Emmylou Harris. A strolling Pete Seeger entertained the kids’ tent before he joined Harris and a broad cast in closing Newport Folk with ‘60s chestnuts.

And that’s not counting a backstage benefit BBQ to support the non-profit Newport Festivals Foundation. The Low Anthem and Deer Tick were the attraction, but other performers joined the festivities.

Expect more collaborations when the Newport Jazz Festival takes over Fort Adams State Park this weekend. Sax guru Charles Lloyd will commune with table ace Zakir Hussain, Al DiMeola’s World Sinfona with mix it up with Cuban pianist Gonzalo Rubalcaba, and there’s a sax trio that combines Steve Coleman, Ravi Coltrane and Miguel Zenon.

In turn, while Newport Jazz offers its own standard-bearers in Dave Brubeck and Wynton Marsalis, the festival expands its vision of “jazz” with Afro-pop sparkplug Angelique Kidjo, New Orleans upstart Trombone Shorty and hot bassist/singer Esperanza Spalding, who’ll unite a separate group of guests each day.

The genre-crossing Spalding, who just won the Grammy for Best New Artist, will be the cover story for this year’s Improper music issue, which can be seen online starting Friday evening.

Yes, both of these Newport festivals broaden their draw with crossover dreams, though the vibe at the jazz fest should prove much mellower than the one at the folk fest. This is especially true when you consider the gypsy-punk cabal Gogol Bordello, which fired up the main stage even as a scaled-down “acoustic” quintet. Ringmaster Eugene Hutz sided with boisterous fans in a standing-room-only section up front rather than the people in chairs. “You know how to break furniture,” Hutz joshed, “but in a positive way.”

newportjazzfest.net

You're covered in tattoos. Do you have a favorite?

Nah, I don't think that I could pick one favorite. Every single one has significance though.

"Black and Yellow" became the unofficial theme for the Boston Bruins during the Stanley Cup Finals. Brad Marchand even remixed it. You originally wrote it as an anthem for Pittsburgh, Penn. Did they steal your song?

That song is for everybody. It's awesome. I'm down with it.

Why are collaborations so popular in hip-hop music?

People have always been collaborating. It just mixes things up. I was in the studio with Stargate and he told that Tinie Tempah was working on "Till I'm Gone" and so I just recorded for it and that was it. It's easy.

Did you know Rollings Papers was going to be a huge hit?

Absolutely. I expected it to blow up.

Has the transition from independently releasing mix-tapes to working with major record labels been challenging?

It hasn't really been much of a transition at all. I still do everything on my own because I know what's best for me. The label is great at distributing and promoting, but they give me freedom.

What's your creative process like?

I'm always working. It's whatever inspires me and then I just go. I'm just keeping it free.

Photo Credit: Dan Ankenman