Blogs

Current Slack Lines Standings:
The Improper’s Nick “Repeat Champ” Altschuller: 29-26-1
Comcast’s Rich “Repeat Loser” Levine: 24-29-3
WEEI’s Rory “Repeat Offender” Duyon: 24-31

Hey, I won the Slack Lines title again!
Hey, that math doesn’t add up!
(Shut your smart face! I win!)

Listen, with bonus points and the fact that I can barely do arithmetic, those standings make absolute sense. More importantly, the real loser of this contest has to be punished. While a world championship is on the line this Sunday, so is a coveted 25^th point.

Last year, Rich had to watch and write a critique on The Roommate. He did neither of those things. But what he did produce was funny anyways. Journey back with me to Week 1:

"This movie scratched me right where I itch. And I mean, EXACTLY in the right spot. I mean, because we've all been there, right? You know, with a roommate?! (Although, not with one that looks like Minka Kelly, right? LOL!) AHHH! God, this film was good. And honestly, that's what it was. Not a movie. A FILM. Screw the NFL on Sunday. Just sit back, relax and indulge in this cinematic classic. Ladies and gentleman… The Roommate."

I can’t wait to see what he thinks about Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds.

On to THE PICK!

NY Giants vs. New England (-2.5)

Nick
As a fan, vitally important games fall into two categories: There are games when a title is on the line, and there are games you’ve paid to attend. Ironically, these are the games where you pay the least amount of attention. A heightened atmosphere mixed with an abundance of grilled meats and alcohol does not make for the most attentive fan.

“Ah! Why is everyone screaming? Did we fumble? Did we score?...We didn’t win, did we? How long have I been out?... Is there chili left?”

Pats over Rams? Barely remember. Pats over Panthers? Little fuzzy. Pats over Eagles? Donovan McNabb threw up…or was that me? Giants over Pa…

/pauses to wipe away tears of blood. Represses feelings further down until they eventually metastasize into colorectal cancer.

Where was I? (I’ve never written anything with this many question marks before.)

The one thing giving me real hope before this game is Vince Wilfork. Before the Ravens game, I knew he was All-Pro caliber, but unless you’re an expert, or lying, it’s hard to really tell how great a nose tackle is performing. But in that game, Wilfork was dominating. At one point, he picked up Michael Oher and spiked him like a lawn dart, and if your life story inspired The Blind Side that is exactly what you deserve.

With the Giants passing attack performing at its highest level, I’m counting on Wilfork to attack their O-line and hammer Eli Manning like a carnival bell. And I’m counting on everyone to remind me what happened on Monday. Nick’s Pick: Patriots; 27-21

Rory
This two-week build-up to Super Bowl XLVI has been particularly long for Pats fans, because for the first time since they beat the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI—when, frankly, they were playing with house money—New England is expected to lose. I don’t care what the point spread says. Listen to the experts, listen to the fans: the Patriots are the underdogs.

As Patriots fans, we’re at the edge of our seat waiting for this game to happen, praying for a win, because pretending that not one but now two Super Bowls didn’t happen just might be too much for even the biggest homer. Sure a Lions fan or a Browns fan would offer their first-born for this, but I can’t take it anymore.

I’ve had an awful feeling about this game ever since Kyle Williams muffed that punt in overtime of the NFC Championship game, but somehow, as only he can do, Bill Belichick has given me reason to believe this week. Four years ago, the Patriots succumbed to tremendous pressure, spoiling their undefeated season. This time, Belichick is going out of his way to keep the Patriots prepared but loose. All week long, he’s been focused, relaxed, and dare I say…personable with the media?

More surprising than coming up with the brilliant idea to take a 31-minute break from practice to simulate the halftime show was the fact that Belichick told the media about it!  With all the ridiculous Super Bowl prop bets, I would have put the odds of Belichick disclosing these details somewhere beneath him dating Madonna. (Speaking of which, I got under 1:34 on the Clarkson anthem, heads on the coin flip and lemon-lime as the Gatorade dumped on the winning head coach.)

Still, the Giants pose an enormous threat on both sides of the ball that the Patriots haven’t seen since they lost in Week 9…to the Giants. There’s no easy way to pick a game of this magnitude with your heart so heavily invested in it…or maybe there is.

All season long I’ve been trying to claw my way out of the Slack Lines cellar, and I find myself with the same number of wins as Mr. Levine with one game to go. I firmly believe this Super Bowl will be a battle decided in the fourth quarter by less than a touchdown, and this guy refuses to go for the tie. Rory’s Pick: Whoever Rich DOESN’T pick; 27-23  I’m coming for YOU, Levine!

Rich
As I predicted all season (or at least for the last two weeks), the Patriots are in the Super Bowl. Not only that, they're favored in the Super Bowl. I'm still not sure how this happened, but sometimes it's better to not ask questions. 

That being said, the Giants certainly scare me. Nicks, Cruz and Manningham (in that order) will give the Pats headaches. Ahmad Bradshaw is one of the toughest backs in the league, and there are few quarterbacks that scare me more in the clutch than Eli Manning. I think this is the best offense the Pats have faced all year, and that all our fears and all the team’s flaws will be put to the test. 

Jason Pierre-Paul, Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck are concerns 2a, 2b and 2c. If Brady gets time, he’ll burn the Giants defense, but if JPP, Osi and Tuck can blow up the pocket, disturb Brady’s rhythm, maybe get a few good shots on that shoulder, then the Pats will struggle. And the truth is that I can very easily see that that happening, and in turn, can see the Pats losing this game.

But I don’t think they will.

This obviously comes from a very biased place, but I believe Belichick has a plan—as quirky as it may be—to mess with the Giants young receivers and get into Eli’s head. 

I also think the Pats offensive line is up to the task. Matt Light’s been waiting four years for this opportunity. Mankins has had two weeks to rest, and Vollmer is (likely) finally back. I’m not saying they’ll pitch a shut out, or that Brady will never hit the ground, but I don't think the Giants defensive line will win this game. Rich’s Pick: Patriots; 24-21

 Until next season.

Email Nick at nick@improper.com
Follow the Slack Lines team on Twitter: @altschuller, @rich_levine and @roryduyon