John D. Spooner is an investment adviser, author and novelist. His most recent book is the Boston Globe number-one bestseller No One Ever Told Us That, a collection of letters with life lessons for his grandchildren. Here, he responds to queries from advice seekers of all ages. Send your conundrums to thedance@improper.com.

Every time my husband and I are invited to dinner at people’s houses, we bring a gift. We used to gift a bottle of wine. Who doesn’t appreciate wine, right? Well, as friends have gotten a little older, many of them began getting into wine and became real snobs about it. We don’t really care about being snobs. But we’ve gotten paranoid about giving anything that people will scoff at. Any suggestions?

Sure. I actually have the same insecurity. My sister is in the wine business, so I trust in her taste and leave the wine selections for holiday dinners to her. But I never would presume to bring friends wine as a house gift. Don’t give ’em any ammunition to criticize. Paranoia can even affect the advice giver. So I suggest you do what I do and bring something almost everyone loves: pistachios. It’s something different, packaged in a lovely way. And if you drop the bag on the way to dinner, it won’t break. I’ve been using Oh! Nuts (ohnuts.com), based in Queens, New York. You can easily search all kinds of nuts and other treats. Cheap and useful, what a concept.

My best friend has been in love with Bill for years, but he has shown no interest in her, other than going out with her in our group, as a friend. The other night he came on to me, and since then he has emailed me constantly with romantic and somewhat steamy messages. I haven’t told my friends about this. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be disloyal, but I have to say I’m attracted to him. Should I cross him off my list to keep my friendship, or give the relationship a try and risk losing my best friend?

This problem has probably been re-enacted millions of times over history. It’s the stuff of novels and movies and TV shows. The forbidden fruit is the sweetest, and that may explain part of your attraction to Bill. I would set my priorities here. In my opinion, your friendship is much more important than a fling with Bill. Even if you’re really selfish, you’ll be better served by holding onto a relationship with a friend; a friendship can sustain you in tough times for many years. Unless you really think that you will go off into the sunset with Bill, hands off. You can find ways to be “hands on” with a lot of other people.

I’m dating a novelist (or at least that’s what he wants to be). He gives me his stuff to read, and he writes really well. My problem is that some of his characters really scare me. And some seem to take an incredibly dim view of women. Am I getting into something that ultimately might break my heart?

The answer to your question is both yes and no. Readers often assume the words of a novel reflect the actual opinions of the author. This impression can be completely false. The novelist is trying to describe and project his character’s point of view, which may have nothing to do with his own. A good writer can write convincingly about ax murderers and baby kidnappers and foot fetishists without being any of the above. Does Stephen King terrify his family and everyone he meets? Does J.K. Rowling wear a pointy hat and a wizard’s robe? Did Robert Louis Stevenson have a dark side like Dr. Jekyll? Well, you get the picture.

That being said, I really believe that people who are truly creative are not the safest bets for a long-term relationship. If they’re really good and devoted to their art, there’s often too much selfishness involved. But don’t be frightened away by the characters your boyfriend creates. Could he eventually break your heart? Sure. But will he take it out of your body and eat it? Probably not.

My beautiful, sweet, loving nephew has unfortunately gotten into drugs. He has been to rehab several times, and nothing seems to work. He has turned to stealing and God knows what to feed his habit, and my sister and her husband cannot help him anymore. I recently announced my engagement and want to have an engagement party at my house. My sister is furious with me because I don’t want to invite him. I just don’t feel l can trust him, even if his mother is there to keep an eye on things. My fiance agrees with me, but I don’t want to lose my relationship with my sister over this. This is supposed to be a happy time for me, and I am miserable. Am I wrong to omit him from the invitations? What should I do?

If we focus on the party alone, I’m focusing on your words “sweet and loving.” Your sister has her burden, and your nephew has his own. I believe in the power of positive reinforcement and in not making family dramas worse. So I would invite your nephew, not by Evite, but by a personal note from you to him. Since most people these days never write personal notes, he will take it seriously and realize that you are making a special effort. Which means that if he comes to the party, he will most likely be on good behavior. And you will keep your relationship with your sister in good order.