John D. Spooner is an investment adviser, author and novelist. His most recent book is the Boston Globe No. 1 best-seller No One Ever Told Us That, a collection of letters with life lessons for his grandchildren. Here, he responds to queries from advice seekers of all ages. Send your conundrums to thedance@improper.com

Most people who go to reunions—usually held in reception rooms of hotels where you’d never want to stay—take a look around and say to themselves, “Who are all these old people?” And maybe everybody else is saying the same thing about us. How did this happen?

Remember that almost everybody else who goes to your reunion will have the same anxieties. So buy a new dress, show no weakness and realize that there will be two or three people, perhaps even people you didn’t know very well, who will be a wonderful surprise, and you’ll be glad you went.

As for your old boyfriend, you may be horrified at his appearance or really pleased that someone who was your old boyfriend has stayed so youthful. And if you’re both happily surprised—and you’re certainly still young enough to feel the flame—then perhaps sex might be a good idea. Just make sure you do it in the back seat of his father’s car. For old times’ sake.

If all is fair in love and war, as the old saying goes, I would go early to the bar and make a deal with the bartender. Tell him or her that you’ll be generous with your tip but that you would like plain water in an old-fashioned glass, on the rocks with a couple of olives. If your date orders a second punch or mai tai, just say, “Same martini again for me.” After she’s had two real ones and you had two waters, it’s probably OK for you to have a beer—but with this sobriety, make sure you act like a gentleman. If there is a second date, and you enjoy each other, it’ll be OK to be honest about your drinking habits.

I think you’d have wonderful luck in the pursuit of romance with one of three places, all special to Boston. One is the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, particularly in the late afternoon in the winter. As the day grows darker, a walk through the courtyard of flowers and the galleries reveals a magical spot, a place for holding hands and maybe a kiss in a quiet corner. It’s a perfect place to bring you both back 100 years. If there is a concert on, it would only add to the adventure.

The second spot I would pick is the Boston Athenæum at the top of Beacon Hill. It is a private library and one of the most beautiful buildings in America. You can call them to ask about membership options or having a tour before you consider joining. Any smart person would be impressed and amazed at the splendor of the place. After wandering the library, with the right mood having been established, you can pop across the street to the bar at XV Beacon Hotel for a drink and another handhold.

The final place I’d try is the Harvard Museum of Natural History. There are more than a dozen of rooms and exhibits, from dinosaurs and stuffed animals to geodes and the world’s greatest collection of glass flowers—endless variations on what the natural world has to offer. Even every manner of bug, if you want to go in that direction. And all the restaurants of Harvard Square are only a short walk away.

If you are indeed romantic by nature, any one of these settings would certainly help do the job for you.

I’ve been saying and writing for some time that the news, folks, is going to be terrible every day for the rest of your lives. But if you’re in business, you’re not in a fetal position underneath your desk. You’re trying to reinvent yourself and working harder to be profitable and productive, to beat the competition. Much of the daily bad news has little or nothing to do with you or your family, or even your business, for that matter. As for the progress in U.S. stock markets in the past few years, I can credit several things: the depressed levels of interest rates, the quite strong condition of corporate balance sheets and the disbelief on the part of many investors in these rising markets, resulting in trillions of dollars in money funds and CDs at almost zero rates of return.

Historically, in my view, markets always surprise us in both directions. When sentiment is anxious or fearful, as it is now, markets can provide the best bargains. Conversely, periods of greed are often the best time to start exiting these investments. I believe in behavioral interpretation of market movements, and I have often found that when I feel my stomach slightly churning with worry, it’s probably time to be doing some buying.

 


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