John D. Spooner is an investment adviser, author and novelist. His most recent book is the Boston Globe No. 1 best-seller No One Ever Told Us That, a collection of letters with life lessons for his grandchildren. Here, he responds to queries from advice seekers of all ages. Send your conundrums to thedance@improper.com.

I have been forced to estrange myself from my mother and my three older sisters because of incessant gossiping, cliques and just plain high school mean-girl behavior. Here is one example: When I have gone to family functions, one of my sisters, who is in her 50s, walks out of the room when I enter it. I have tried every way of asking them to stop their meanness, by email, via written letters and verbally, but they have, as usual, blamed everything on me.  And my mother will not try to mediate a meeting so we can all get along. It has been heart-wrenching, especially during the holiday season, but I feel lost at this point. I have seen counselors and people of the cloth, and they haven’t given me any substantial ways to rectify this issue.

Years ago I wrote somewhere that you should “love your family, but don’t let them suck the oxygen out of the room.” As a result of what I had written, a young man came to see me holding a gift-wrapped package in his hands. “This is for you,” he said. “You saved my life. I’ve had problems with my family for years, and your words gave me the courage to say to them what was on my mind about how they treated me. It lifted a huge burden from my back and set me free in a certain way.”

Every family is a soap opera, and they’re all dysfunctional in their own ways. But it sounds to me like you’ve gone way above and beyond the call of family duty in this situation. I would say get it off your chest in public and start looking for an adopted, more user-friendly family. Cinderella had horrible stepsisters. There are some people you cannot save from themselves. They may have grown up in the houses where you grew up. Move on.

I’m looking for a job, and I get all pumped up on Sunday night making lists for who I’m going to call for interviews on Monday morning. My problem is I never seem to be able to make an impact and nobody calls me back. What should I do? 

One of the first rules in the employment market: Never call a busy person on Monday morning looking for information or an interview. Everyone in a position of power is getting their workweek launched and in order. Your call will only annoy them and emphasize how clueless you are. Even if you’re well-connected, it’s best to wait until after lunch on Tuesdays. That’s when workweeks are underway, and even busy people may have more time to give you a hearing. This is a simple lesson that all of you looking for jobs should take to heart.

I signed up for an online dating service and struck up a relationship with an interesting correspondent in Amsterdam. After weeks of postponing his trip to the States to meet me, he started asking for money. Is it my bad luck, or are any of these dating sites legit… and safe? Are all men just looking to take advantage?

Isn’t there an old line “Beware of the Dutch bearing gifts”? Sorry, that was the Greeks. I tend to be suspicious of virtual relationships. I believe in real relationships, underscored by actually eyeballing anyone with whom I might someday be involved.

We all have somewhat distorted views of our own bodies and minds. We may actually think of ourselves as being skinny, even if, in fact, we’re 40 pounds overweight. The reverse can be true as well. We may think our nose ruins our entire face, when we may have the nose of a Roman emperor, which might make it attractive to all kinds of people. We all delude ourselves in certain ways, which means we can lie like hell about our real identities when trolling the digital landscape.

I find loneliness to be a terrible problem in American society, in part because we don’t have close friends to unload our troubles on. So we’ll pay for therapy from a professional, or we’ll pay to join a site that can provide companionship and comfort. Endless people have told me disappointing stories about their experiences with the world of matchmaking. At its worst, it involves scams, like the Dutch con man looking for cash, and not love, in all the wrong places. I’d much rather join the city university club and search for someone at the events they sponsor. There are a lot of people you could love in your own city if you force yourself to get out there and be social. You don’t need canals and cannabis cafes.

Many treasures, human and material, are slowly sinking on the European ship.  Here in Italy, the energy is really bleak. No more dolce vita! Any advice? I’m thinking it might be wise to start renting a few months in Boston (not when it is 15 below zero) to try balancing my American life with my European one. What is your wisdom on the subject? Do you see any handwriting on the wall?

The world has been going to hell for thousands of years. My kind of common sense solution here is to say: Rome is eternal… but friends mean more than Rome. So if your circle of friends is still rich with stories and ideas and adventures, then stay in Rome and carpe diem, particularly if you love your nest. But perhaps the expat life is not so romantic anymore. If the friends around you are suddenly not so satisfying, and if daily life in Italy has so many challenges that the mood is sour, then sure, rent in Boston in the fall or spring. But be sure that the daily life around you in Boston would be as rich and interesting as in Rome.

Anyway, today we are in a society that forces us to reinvent ourselves every few years. That’s not such a bad thing.