John D. Spooner is an investment adviser, author and novelist. His most recent book is the Boston Globe No. 1 best-seller No One Ever Told Us That, a collection of letters with life lessons for his grandchildren. Here, he responds to queries from advice seekers of all ages. Send your conundrums to thedance@improper.com.

I’m engaged and beginning the wedding planning process. I’ve always wanted a smaller, intimate wedding, but both my fiance’s parents and mine are pushing for something a lot bigger. I probably won’t be the one paying for this either way—do I have to sacrifice my dream day?
You’re going to have lots of dream days, and for many, the wedding day is far from dreamy. If they’re being honest, many brides and grooms would admit their wedding days (or nights) are mostly blurs, outtakes from a Fellini movie. I think you should just take a deep breath and give in to the family members on both sides. I know this is tough, but you don’t want your family and your new in-laws to have their noses out of joint. And think about it: They’re paying for it, but the advantage will now pass to you. You can always say to them, “You see, look at the money we could’ve saved you!” And you can have many smaller, intimate celebrations on your own in the years to come. You may even look back on your wedding pictures and be glad you played dress-up.

I have worked in the tech industry for 20 years and have a great breadth of experience. What I lack is a fancy degree from MIT/Stanford/Harvard etc. Time and again when attempting a startup and doing the venture capital circuit, I experience the same thing: Companies that have founders with zero real-world experience will get funding based on nothing more than the colleges they attended. As with most startups, they still fail. Without “name-brand recognition,” it can be a challenge to set meetings, let alone get seed/angel money at a critical time in a startup’s life cycle. Any advice for folks in my situation, or are our dreams destined to die on the vine?
“Beware of perceived genius” is one of my guiding principles in life. And a fancy degree is not necessarily a ticket to anywhere. Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard. But the Unabomber graduated. Go figure. I would work on your resume, highlighting why you have your own “name-brand recognition.” Point out your own specialties and your own talents— and hobbies, too—that set you apart from others. Where you went to school is irrelevant, except perhaps for the networking factor. Concentrate on getting across the specialties that make you different.

I recently started a new job, and the managers gossip with one another on the regular. As a subordinate, I feel uncomfortable addressing the unprofessionalism. Should I speak up or stick it out? How do I handle it when the gossip is directed toward me?
Hmm…tricky. Stopping gossip is like stopping the tide from going in and out. Almost everyone loves it and always has, because it makes the perpetrators feel good about their own pitiful lives. That being said, I assume you’d like to keep your job. It’s best, for your own interests, not to tell management what you feel is inappropriate. All bets are off, however, if the gossip is pointed at you. In that case, and if you have proof that this is happening, I would address it with the gossipers and speak your mind. However, you’d better make sure that you’ve freshened up your resume in case you have to move on.

I’m going abroad to Europe for a semester with a group of new friends. I love my girlfriend of two years, but I want to be fully immersed in the experience without any ties to home. I don’t want to lose what we have, but who knows where we’ll be when we get back? Do I call it off for now?
Long-distance romances generally do not work—too much time and space and imagination get in the way. And jealousy, too. If you feel like breaking it off before you travel, then either you’re incredibly mature or you’re probably not fully committed to your current girlfriend. If something was meant to be, you’ll find out when you return. But I believe that there are infinite kinds of love out there, and it sounds as if you want to experience a few more of them yourself.

I’ve wanted a facelift for a long time and finally have the money set aside for the procedure, but my husband is totally against it. Do I go through with it anyway?
Just do it, if this has been on your mind and you have the funds. It’s fun to feel good about others’ opinions of us, but it’s much more important to feel good about ourselves. Your husband will most likely get over his discomfort and end up wishing he could do something about his own sagging lids.

Why invest in a 401(k)? If my employer matched my contributions, I’d do it in a heartbeat, of course. But since it doesn’t, and I’ve seen people lose a lot due to the whims of the markets, I’m wondering whether investing in real estate is a surer long-term bet.
If you’re working and you ever hope to retire, contributing to a 401(k), in my view, is a must, regardless of matching. On the subject of losing money in bad markets, if you focus on funds specializing in long-term growth and/or value, or plain-vanilla index funds, and you make sure that you keep your contributions up annually, you will minimize your risk in these down markets as well. If you stay disciplined in this regard, and keep your selections simple, not fancy, in the long term you will be rewarded. Everyone who comes to visit me for the first time wants financial freedom. The best route to reach this goal is steady investing on a long-term basis. As for real estate, this is more complicated, and subject to just as many ups and downs as stocks. But if American society survives and thrives, then eventually, in the stock markets, so will you.