Features

Photo Credit: Adam DeTour

BY JONATHAN SOROFF

Cape Cod landscaper Chris Lambton, 33, rocketed to reality TV stardom as the runner-up on the last season of The Bachelorette. The audience favorite, he was passed over by Ali Fedotowsky, and then turned down ABC’s offer to star in the next season of The Bachelor. A Dennis native, he was a math teacher in New York before going home to care for his mother, who later died of ALS. Since his run on TV, he returned to private life, working in his family’s landscaping business and raising money to fight ALS. He judges a “Best Pickup Line Contest” on Feb. 3 at the Cask ’N Flagon.

Jonathan Soroff: What possessed you to look for love on a reality TV show?
Chris Lambton: Honestly, there are stranger places to find love than on TV, so I figured why not give it a shot?

Why not match.com?
I always said I’d never resort to online dating, and the only reason I did the show is that someone else nominated me.

So you didn’t get love, but you got fame and money. How are those as consolation prizes?
[Laughs.] I got no love. I got strange fame, and I really didn’t get any money, so I guess one out of three ain’t bad.

Would you have married Ali Fedotowsky if she’d picked you?
I doubt it. We were more like friends than husband-wife material.

What is the thing you value most in a woman?
A sense of humor.

Biggest turnoff?
Being a bitch.

Why didn’t you go back to being a teacher?
It’s tiring as hell. Long hours. I didn’t make enough money teaching, so I had to coach, which means I was working ’til seven or eight and then going to grad-school classes.

Teaching is harder than landscaping?
Oh, God, yeah. Definitely. You’re not just teaching. You’re a psychologist. You’re a sex therapist. You’re everything else AND a teacher. Teachers deserve to make more money than TV stars, sports stars.

With respect to the landscaping thing, how often do people make jokes about bush?
Ugh, trimming bush, pruning hedges, mowing lawns… I’ve heard it all.

On the show, do you think a couple of the other bachelors might’ve been gay?
A couple of them definitely took more time in the shower and had more beauty products than most girls I’ve dated.

Did some just want to further their careers?
Definitely. The wrestler was there just to be a douche and promote himself.

For the sake of curiosity, define “reality.”
“Reality” is the furthest thing from reality that is real. [Laughs.]

So what part of having your dating life televised seemed like a good idea to you?
I think none of it was appealing, but I didn’t realize it until it was too late, when I was sitting there, watching it with my father and brothers, saying, “What the hell did I do?”

Worst part of it?
Getting dumped on national TV. Not exactly a moment you want other people to see.

Did they prompt you to say certain things?
They like confrontation, so they’d want me to talk about the other guys, and it’s something I never did. They’d want me to ask stupid questions to Ali, and I’d be like, “No. That’s dumb.”

If you had won, how would life be different?
Oh, God. I’d be engaged. And I’d be under strict contract to ABC.

Fakest thing about reality TV?
There’s a thousand hours of film cut to an hour and a half, so basically, you are as you’re edited.

Were you edited fairly?
I was edited very well. They can only do so much. So in my case, they just edited me as the poor kid who lost his mom.

Weirdest thing you’ve read about yourself?
This summer, I read that I take home multiple women every night. My dad actually read it and asked me if it was true. I was like, “Dad, I live upstairs. I have to walk past your room every night.” He was like, “I didn’t think so. I was just checking.”

What about the creepiest fan come-on?
I was at work one day. And when I got home, there was a vase with pictures on the kitchen table with a four-page note. She had broken in. From then on we started locking our doors.

Weird stuff in the mail?
The cleverest was a softball covered in pictures of the girl that said, “Chris, you’re a great catch.” I’ve gotten T-shirts, lingerie, Dunkin’ Donuts gift cards…

Any guys come on to you?
[Laughs.] Not yet. I’m sure it’ll happen.

What if Playgirl asked you to pose?
Oh, God, no! [Laughs.]

Worst part of being a landscaper?
Waking up early.

Will your life ever be normal again?
It was normal the day I got home from Tahiti. My brother was like, “Welcome back,” and I said, “I’ll need a few days.” He was like, “What? You were in Tahiti! Start working.” My brother, friends and dad keep me normal.

Do you consider yourself good-looking?
Above average.

What’s your best feature?
Probably my height—I’m 6'3". Or my eyes. They’re hazel, which are different.

Ever play hard to get?
Yeah, with ABC when they asked me to be on The Bachelor. But I don’t like playing games.

Something I’d be shocked to learn about you?
I’m an absolute slob. My room is a disaster. I’m not a clean person.

Indecent proposals? Money for sex, maybe being a call boy in Vegas?
[Laughs] Ah, no. But I do love Vegas, so I’d have to think about that one.

Facebook or Twitter?
Twitter. With Facebook, I’m sick of getting all those Farmville requests and Mafia Wars crap. If I get one more, I’m gonna go crazy. But if I was going to invest in one, I’d invest in Facebook.

Anything you never miss on TV?
Any Boston sports team, and I love that new zombie show on AMC: The Walking Dead. I love it.

Dancing With the Stars—any interest?
That looks like a lot of work. I guess I’d think about it, but that’s a tough show. I’m not sure I could keep up.

What about Survivor?
Oh, I’d outwit, outmatch, outplay.

Go for it next season.
I’ve had my fill of reality TV for now. I think once in a lifetime is plenty.

What about Jeopardy?
I’ve applied online a few times. I think I could hold my own on that show. Maybe they could do a reality stars Jeopardy. I think I could win on that.

Aren’t you setting the bar kinda low?
I think I could be smartest of the dumbest.

The Bachelorette is now airing in Singapore…
I’ve been getting a lot of Facebook requests and Twitter comments from Singapore. I guess I’m pretty big over there right now, which is something I never thought I’d say. But maybe I should go check it out. I’ve never been there. Why not? I’ve heard of crazier things.

Last question: Will you mow my lawn naked?
[Laughs.] I’ve been asked that before. No, I don’t want a sunburn down there.

Credits:

Photograph: Adam DeTour; wardrobe styling: Dawn Hunt/Team Artist Rep; makeup: Dianna Quagenti/Make Up For Ever; assistant makeup artist: Jeannie Vincent; hair styling: Jessica Valente, Sandra Rauckyte and Andrea D’Agostino/Leon and Co.; clothes: Isaia suit at Neiman Marcus. Hugo Boss shirt, Seven jeans and Saks Fifth Avenue tie, all at Saks Fifth Avenue.