Framingham native Katie Nolan, 28, is the host of Garbage Time with Katie Nolan, a comedy/sports show that airs Sundays at 9:30 pm on Fox Sports 1. As a child, she competed in rhythmic gymnastics, eventually becoming a Junior Olympic gold medalist. She studied public relations at Hofstra University and went on to work for Guyism.com, where she hosted, wrote and produced the Guyism Speed Round, a digital series about current events. She joined Fox Sports 1 as the digital correspondent and co-host of Crowd Goes Wild, and she also hosted her own FoxSports.com digital show, No Filter, covering daily sports topics with her distinctive brand of humor. A die-hard Bruins, Patriots, Red Sox and Celtics fan, she currently lives in New York.
Katie Nolan: It is a weird, funny, awkward journey through the week in sports.
But you mix in some non-sports stuff, too. We do. It depends. If I or someone on the show sees a story that really speaks to us, we’ll sneak it in. We have a tendency to use a lot of monkey news. I don’t know why or even where we get it, but if it makes us laugh, we’ll use it.
How much of the show do you personally write? And do you have final say on what goes in the show? There’s a team of four people who do everything. We have a Google doc where we’ll throw every headline we see, and everyone will write jokes for every headline. Then I pick my favorites.
So where do you keep your Junior Olympic gold medals? They were in a shoebox in my parents’ attic, but currently they’re on the set, I think. We used them as a prop. I should probably look into that.
Fenway Frank, of course. And I like ketchup on my hot dogs. I’m so sorry. Don’t judge.
How much money do I get?
You get to sleep with Channing Tatum. Oh, God, no. Absolutely not. He’s so not my type. I’d do it for $500.
Let’s discuss your hair. It’s so long, it’s about to take over the planet. Can I be honest with you? I haven’t gotten a haircut in nine months. I’m like Rapunzel. It’s really disgusting, and there’s no other reason for it except that I’m super-lazy. I’ve started to see people saying things online like “I love your hair extensions!” I just want to be clear: This hair is all mine, and it needs to go. Do you think it’ll be alarming when I finally get it cut?
Yes. Maybe a national crisis. Would you ever date a pro athlete? No. It’s a little mixing business with pleasure. I’m pretty sure I’m with the guy I’ll be with forever, and that’s not a hard no, but I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t really see the appeal. Athletes are on the road all the time. Plus, I want to be able to like sports, and if I dated an athlete, it would ruin it for me.
Yes, but at the same time, we tune in to watch them every week. They deserve to be paid a lot. They generate a lot of money. The one thing that bothers me is the difference between sports. It’s kind of ridiculous what a soccer player gets paid as opposed to basketball. And the one that’s really ridiculous is baseball. There’s no reason somebody should sign a contract that will take them into their 40s, worth hundreds of millions of dollars. That’s absurd.
How often do you get bleeped on your show? Very. I have a potty mouth. It’s a nervous tic almost. Some people say “Umm…” Some people say “Like.” I say “Fuck.”
I tried. I took a stand-up class at ImprovBoston. I got really nervous. You really have to put yourself out there. Everybody’s looking at you. I think someday I’ll try it again. The thing that sucks is that now I have a little bit of a presence. If you’re totally unknown, you can screw up and nobody cares. Not that I’m superfamous, but if I did stand-up, people would be like, “Oh, it’s Katie Nolan from Fox Sports.” And everything lives forever on the Internet now. The Internet has killed stand-up comedy.
Your studio audience sounds like it’s three people. Actually, there’s zero audience. We have a camera guy, who only likes soccer, and two producers, and this girl Vanessa who runs our teleprompter.
Yes, and what’s funny is they’ve heard the joke four or five times, or they wrote the joke themselves. So it’s a very interesting dynamic in our little shoebox studio.
You basically wear jeans and a T-shirt on your show. Is that an affectation? Not at all. Except that it’s a fancier version of what I wear every day. I can’t wear heels. I never wear dresses. I basically look like an unmade bed all the time.
No, and I’m shocked! My dad’s a very proud dad, and he shares everything I do with everyone he comes into contact with. There was this one video I did forever ago about Halloween costumes, and I said something very lewd. The costume was a sexy hamburger, which I can’t even believe exists, and I said something like, “This costume says you want to be eaten shamefully in the back of a car at 2 am,” and my dad shared it with everybody. I was mortified.
Garbage Time Rob Ryan. I have a huge crush on him.
If you could only watch one team for the rest of your life, which would it be? Somebody asked me this recently, and it’s very difficult. It would be between the Patriots and the Bruins, and I’m gonna have to say the Bruins.
Who would you star in a lesbian sex tape with: Jenny Dell or Heidi Watney? Jenny Dell. I like brunettes.
Very important question: Does Julian Edelman have the nicest ass in the world? Yes. It’s very simple. He has a nice smile, too. But his butt is so perky. Not that I’ve looked.
So is Tom Brady ever going to leave Giselle for you? No. I tried. But that ship has sailed.
One thing you want to know about them? What their conversations are like. Does Tom speak Portuguese? I’ve heard her speaking English, but I mean, she speaks to her children in a language I’m pretty sure Tom Brady doesn’t speak. I’d be curious if they actually talk or are just like, “We are very hot and have very hot sex and lots of money so let’s just dispense with the chit-chat.”
Do you think you could do serious sideline reporting? No. I’d be terrible at it. It’s actually really hard. I’ve seen the binders of information they have to study, and my brain really can’t form a sentence that quickly. I would just be like, “So, you’re sweaty…” I’d be very flustered.
Do you watch sports all the time? I do, but since getting my own sports show, I watch less. I come home and I’m like, “I worked all day, all sports, and all I want to do is watch Real Housewives of New York and shut off my brain.” If I watch sports, I’m like, “I should be working. I should be tweeting. I should be writing something.”
WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT: THE SPORTS THEMSELVES OR BEING FUNNY? Great question. Being funny. Making people laugh. You have sports 24 hours a day. What there isn’t a lot of is stuff to laugh at.
Stupidest organized sport? What’s the one in the Olympics that’s like power-walking? Race walking. Both feet have to be on the ground at the same time, or something? You’re not allowed to run. It’s like a marathon for very determined walkers.
Climbing the stairs in a fifth floor Manhattan walk-up apartment. That should be one, and I would take home at least a silver.