Christopher Robin ★

Borrowing a page or 12 from Hook (Steven Spielberg’s worst film), Disney’s Christopher Robin not only ranks as the worst film by Marc Forster (director of Quantum of Solace, the worst of Daniel Craig’s James Bond pictures), but also the worst of Disney’s live-action updates of their catalogue of animated classics. Not to be confused with last year’s Goodbye Christopher Robin—Simon Curtis’ biographical look at the relationship between Winnie the Pooh author A. A. Milne and Christopher Robin, his son who inspired the enchanting children’s tales—this unbearable movie imagines what would happen if the charming boy in Milne’s beloved stories had grown up and become a drip. Having long since forgotten about his animal friends (stuffed and otherwise) and their adventures in the Hundred Acre Wood, Christopher (Ewan McGregor) leads an unexciting post-war existence filled with boring office work, plus a wife (Hayley Atwell) and daughter (Bronte Carmichael) he has little time for. The witless script is credited to Alex Ross Perry and Tom McCarthy, two award-winning talents at their—yes—worst. It finds the businessman’s imaginary friends (or are they?) embarking on a perilous journey to London to deliver a briefcase he’ll need for an important meeting—unless they’re able to remind him that “doing nothing is considered the very best something.” Who needs to support a family, anyway? (At Assembly Row, Boston Common, Fenway, Seaport, South Bay and in the suburbs.)