There’s Always Roughing It at the Ritz

Everybody wang-chunged the night away when the Wang Center celebrated its 25th anniversary like it was 1986. (And if you’re too young to get the reference, it’s worth a YouTube chuckle.) 

Arriving guests were photographed next to a life-size cardboard cutout of honoree Joe Spaulding (the president and CEO), and cocktails took place in the lobby followed by dinner on the stage, dramatically decorated for the occasion.

Unusual for a charity gig, even the speaking parts of the program were entertaining. Like the presenter who pointed out that “Josiah A. Spaulding Jr. is a wicked long name,” and the person who said that if it had been a roast, the line for the microphone would be too long. Then there were the lines written (in 12 hours) and recited by poet populist Toni Bee, using words provided by the City Spotlights Teen Leaders, who performed two songs: one of their own and one that Spaulding wrote back in his hippie days.

Among the high-octane crowd were board chair Scott Sperling and the lovely Laurene, the stalwart Elliot Surkin, glamorous Westonians Bill and Susan Poduska, arts benefactors Steve and Jane Akin, the entire Epstein clan—Bob, Esta, Jennifer, her handsome husband, Bill Keravuori, swanlike sister, Audrey Reny, and her equally handsome husband, Steven—advertising giant Jack Connors with the lovely Eileen, VC powerhouse Jeff McCormick and brunette bombshell Christine, and one woman wearing a cashmere cardigan with a marijuana leaf embroidered on the back (the first person to guess which grande dame that might be wins an Improper Bostonian T-shirt).

The evening’s most entertaining exchange: the guy who said, “Nothing instills confidence like cold-weather camping,” to which his friend said, “Yes, but you need the right gear, which Prada and Alexander McQueen don’t make, so you can forget about your wife going.

Touchdown!

Despite the football theme, The Goal Post Gala—a “kickoff for a cure” to prostate cancer—was a helluva lot fancier than your average Super Bowl party.

Chaired by Patriots owner Bob Kraft and held at the Four Seasons, the event raised money in memory of eminent urologist Robert Krane.

The dazzling crowd included the stunning Diane Krane, her offspring, and her husband, Myles Slosberg, bright young things Scott and Jennifer Feldman, NFL Hall of Famer and keynote speaker Mike Haynes, political activist Bonnie Berger and her distinguished other half, Merle, CBS sportscaster Steve Burton, the devastatingly British Dr. Anthony Zietman, dashing haberdasher Gilbert Hickman III, more doctors than you could shake a thermometer at, a woman whose husband is more than 20 years her junior, and one person who bought a $16,000 piece of art glass for a cool $5K.

The award for the evening’s most off-color remark goes to the man who said, “I’m not much of a football fan, but I do appreciate a tight end.”

Idiots Say the Darndest Things

You couldn’t help but smile upon arriving at the Children’s Hospital League Gala. Unless you’re freaked out by clowns because several of them greeted the guests as they arrived at the Seaport Hotel for the epic annual shindig.

The everyone who’s anyone crowd included the likes of anchor babe Lisa Hughes and her husband, Mike Casey, party pair Penelope and Dan Fireman, the barrel-of-monkeys fun Lynne and Gary Smith, blonde bombshell Diana Peselman with the dashing Alex, unfairly attractive couple Julie and Michael Rand, the babe-a-licious Nancy Foster, international man of mystery Dan Andelman, the delightful duo of Wendy and Michael Simches, and one woman who blurted out, “This should be a karaoke party.”

Not the most practical suggestion, considering the several hundred people who packed the ballroom for dinner, a live auction and a tear-jerker of a story with a happy ending from a 15-year-old a million times more eloquent than most adults.

The evening’s most absurd remark was a toss-up between the man who said, “These days, it takes me longer to cut the hair in my ears than on my head,” and the woman who said, “I was jogging the other day, and I swear to God a guy with an unlit cigarette stopped me to ask for a light.”